Woke Up One Morning

How much do you love that A&E is all about Tony Soprano these days? Goodbye Law & Order, it's been great. It's not you, it's us. We've watched you all, like, going on 3 times now. And it's Tony. You understand. The new and series ending season starts soon and after a New Jersey town's board finally agreed to let them film the final scene in an ice cream parlor there, we've been thinking up the end. Will Tony get shot? Christuhfa? Can you tell we're excited? Anyway, Tony, er James Gondolfini, made Page Six today with this little bit. 'AFTER six seasons playing Tony Soprano on HBO, James Gandolfini has picked up a few of the character's moves - including the ones he uses on the ladies. Spies at an after-party celebrating the series' final season at West 27th Street spot Guest House saw a smooth Gandolfini "pick up a girl Tony Soprano-style." According to a witness, he "chatted up a young brunette, led her to the dance floor and gave her a spin." A rep for Gandolfini said, "James was celebrating with his friends, family, and the cast and crew at the party."

K-Fed OUT!

The divorce agreement between Brit and the Fedster was finalized tonight. Guess that means they won't be getting back together. After a five hour meeting with their attorneys, a spokesperson said Spears and Federline signed, "a global settlement on all issues of their marriage." No details were offered but the general consensus out here in Bloglandia is that Kevin will get $1 million and visitation. Done. Brit may be dim, but her lawyer's not. The pre-nup was set in stone. Seriously. They have a time machine and stuff and went back and.....whatever. You get the point.

Allegra Versace Is Wicked Skinny

Women's Wear Daily is reporting that Donatella Versace and husband, Paul Beck, are suing newspapers that ran stories about their daughter Allegra entering a hospital. The story began on The Insider's website and was picked up by an Italian paper and some British ones. Allegra is not in a hospital for anorexia and is receiving care at her private residence. The 20-year-old heiress to the Versace empire is enrolled in school in New York. She became anorexic after her Uncle Gianni was murdered in Miami Beach in the summer of 1997. In a statement her parents said, "We ask that moral consideration be shown to Allegra and that she be left in peace so her recovery is not disturbed." Because we want to be considerate we'll just say, Get well, Allegra. Oh, and eat something.

The Return Of Courtney Love

Courtney Love has been in the news quite a bit recently, having just made out with Bruce Willis on her birthday which followed her giving advice to Britney about life and then being sued by a rehab facility for non-payment. She stayed there, but skipped out on around $180 thousand. That aside, she took a little vacation in Hawaii and dare we say, had some liposuction to go along with that horrible face job. Seriously, her most recent up close is not pretty. Why did she do that to her nose? Man On The Moon was just on the other night and she looked so cute and very Courtney Love. Remember the Larry Flynt movie? Now she's like the female Mickey Rourke. Oh well, at least she's thin.

1-800-Dentist

Britney was back in the hospital again today for her tooth. We can understand about the Sunday visit (sort of) but to go to the hospital instead of the dentist on a weekday? We can't wait to hear how Larry Rudolph spins this one. Monday he said she took care of the tooth issue. The Blogs are reporting that Britney and Justin will record a duet, the name we've just forgotten because we're watching Borat and wondering how significant that tooth pain really is for Brit. We'll get back to you on the song title. Maybe.

Paris And Pals

It is becoming more and more evident that Paris Hilton bought herself some new boobs. The girl that said boob-jobs were gross and that she loves her flat chest, has apparently changed her mind. As long as she's changing things, perhaps she should change the number of guys that she's had sex with because no one is buying what she's selling. TWO! Now Tori Spelling's little brother, Randy, is telling his story of taking Paris virginity, "We were together for like two months." Spelling said. "We went to Palm Springs once for the weekend, and we couldn't check into the hotel under her name because her grandma was looking for her. She was like 15; I was 17. And what do you know, I hear this knock-knock-knock on the door, and I look out and her grandma's there. And then I look out the window and I see Paris in a full-on dress with a suitcase running down the golf course. We broke up like a week later." Following another break-up with Stavros Niarchos, Paris has moved on to Ashlee Simpson's ex-boyfriend, actor Josh Henderson. In what can be described as a repeat performance, Lohan was seen at Chateau Marmont over the weekend with Stavros. She also hooked up with him the last time he and Paris broke up. That led to all those months of delicious girlfights that launched a thousand blogs. No word from camp Paris.

Doherty Loves Dope

We haven't checked in with Pete Doherty lately and he's feeling all left out. So....he gave an interview to The Daily News in which he said he smokes crack at least once a day despite his promise to Kate Moss that he would stay clean. There was a video of him injecting cocaine and heroin while he was in Bali for the "wedding." Now he tells the News, "I always stumble back on it sooner or later, even if it’s for half an hour a day." Doherty then lit up his crack pipe during the interview. Seriously.

Sanjaya Sings Bathwater

It was another evening of American Idol performances and those crazy judges. First of all, Melinda Doolittle so totally won. Like last week she won. Secondly, Sanjaya Malakar actually got really great comments from the judges about his performance (video below). Randy and Paula remembered that he could sing. The hair? No comment.

So Many Brits, So Little Time

While we're in a very British frame of mind following the heir and spare antics, we'll stay with it and move onto Lohan antics. "But she's from Long Island," you say? We say, "Indeed she is but all of her recent men are from the UK." While she was in New York over St. Patrick's Day, Lohan was all about Jude Law. They even stayed at the same hotel. He went off to Russia or some place to work. No Brit in tow, Lohan headed over to Los Angeles where she took up with James Blunt of "You're Beautiful" fame. People magazine confirmed today that James Blunt and Petra Nemcova broke up in February and it was amicable. Did he sing this song to her? All this doesn't mean that Blunt is with Lohan, it just means that Blunt and Nemcova were forced to confirm their split because he partied with Lohan. Lohan told paparazzi that she was now dating a "Mystery Man." Queer. Anyway, Robbie Williams has been at the clubs (and randomly at the Dancing With The Stars Live show last night) since leaving rehab. As Robbie and James are friends, we're sure Lohan and Robbie just talked. Maybe about James? Did we say we're sure? Because we meant to say we're guessing.

Royalty Gone Wild

Prince William made the news after he played boobie-grab with a young woman that is definitely not his long term girlfriend, Kate. The Royal Family is just settling back in after Prince Harry attacked a photographer over the weekend outside of a club. The spin on that one was that "he tripped." Prince Harry leaves for his tour in Iraq in 2 weeks so he can pretty much do anything he wants. Prince William, the future King, has some explaining to do.

Diddy Represents

Diddy and Snoop Dogg are on a European tour but just cancelled their London dates because Snoop's behavior back in April 2006 kept him out of the country. (He and his entourage fought with police after being denied entrance to an airport lounge.) The Brits refused to grant a visa to him, so the shows are off now. That didn't stop Diddy from partying it up in London and Posh & Becks were his companions for said party at the Automat. You know they never had that much fun with TomKat. Actually they probably don't have any fun with TomKat.

Wham, Bam, Thank You, Pam

When is Pam Anderson going to be on Dancing With The Stars? Seriously. She would totally win. Speaking of winning, hopefully she'll win the case of the thrown laptop as those photographers that were on the other end of that fight have sued Pam and Denise Richards. Above is Pam kissing her ex, Tommy Lee. Not to be outdone by his soon-to-be ex-wife's rebounding skills, Kid Rock stepped out with model May Anderson in Manhattan. She's the one that got arrested for punching a stewardess on a flight to Miami. Classy.

Dear Lord, I Pray That My Hair Grows Back

While K-Fed celebrated his birthday in Vegas with his family and first baby momma Shar Jackson, it was all about the photo op for Brit Brit. She took an advanced hip-hop dance class on Friday night, went to dinner with friends, lunch with friends, the hospital for her tooth, and church. Brit and her security attended the Bel Air Presbyterian Church in Los Angeles where a paparazzo attempted to take photos. According to reports, "A security guard threatened to shoot a photographer who was attempting to get pictures of Spears at prayer. The paparazzo was detained and later released.' Holy drama.

This Is Why I'm Hot

The NY radio stations are all over this song and evidently, so are we. I'm hot cuz' I'm fly, You ain't cuz' you not. Enjoy.

Case Closed

The results are in and Anna Nicole Smith died from an accidental drug overdose. It was not suicide, nor homicide and certainly not murder as many bored bloggers have suggested. Actually, Anna's crazy mother Virgie Arthur and her white trash lawyers suggested that Howard K. Stern killed Anna and now they're pretending they never said such a thing. Hello? Video cameras. They record stuff that you say and usually it is on television. Geez louise. Arthur's lawyer, John O'Quinn, was on Court TV last night via satellite and was straight up drunk. Like slurring his words drunk. So what's next in the Anna Nicole Smith saga? Tomorrow begins the inquest into Daniel's death down in the Bahamas. Stern may have to leave "Horizons" as G. Ben Thompson is vigorously trying to have him evicted. Thompson (or Anna) bought the house for $900,000 and G. Ben is now listing it for sale at $10 million due to the attention it has received. Way to profit off tragedy, Thompson. Anna and Howard allegedly bought another house that needs to be renovated before lived in, so possibly Howard can move there and stay on the island but the last report on that had a bathtub sitting on the front lawn. Dannielynn needs a visit from Ty Pennington and his 'Extreme Makeover Home Edition.'

Oxy Anyone?

TMZ is reporting that Britney was admitted to Century City Hospital this evening because she needed emergency work done on her teeth. One would think the dentist's office would be the place to go in this situation, but "Spears checked in because she was experiencing significant pain in one of her molars." Well, as long as it was "significant" that makes it alright to go to the hospital. Where they keep painkillers. Like oxycontin. Apparently Brit Brit learned a thing or two from her brief friendship with Lohan.

We're Bringin' Britney Back

Our little Brit Brit went out for sushi last night in Los Angeles and looked pretty good doing so. Welcome to life after your first stint in rehab, sweetheart. Please, please, please don't fuck it up.

Happy Weekend Y'all

There is still no exciting celebrity news to report, so we'll leave you with this photo of the freakishly large Katie Holmes and her Thetan master, Tom Cruise. We're off to New York as our best friend is having a baby today! Have a fabulous Friday. xoxo

Anna & Daniel

*Update - The Enquirer and Star magazine are "reporting" that the cause of death was an overdose of sleeping medication. Smith also had a blood infection caused by an unsterile needle which would have killed her had the overdose not. There was more coverage on the network news channels regarding Anna Nicole Smith than there was any other worldwide issue (including the Iraq War) during the week following her death. Yes, we have lost too many great talents due to fast living, including River Phoenix, John Belushi, Kurt Cobain, Jerry Garcia, James Dean and Anna Nicole's idol, Marilyn Monroe. While so many talking heads complain that we shouldn't be paying so much attention to Smith and never should we compare her to Monroe, the story continues to be everywhere. Many argue that Monroe was an actress therefore much more talented than Smith, but 40 years later we all remember her because she had affairs with the Kennedy brothers and died at a young age. Most of you reading this post think Marilyn Monroe is just a black and white poster that hangs in the basement of your grandfather's house. Let us not forget that Monroe appeared nude in the very first issue of Playboy magazine. (Hugh Hefner will be buried in the crypt next to Monroe.) Anna, of course, emulated Monroe but was completely of this generation. Her Guess Jeans campaign showed us her beauty, her Playboy career made her a worldwide superstar, her marriage to an octogenarian made her a late night talk show punchline, her reality show made us love her. Even before the amazing weight loss and TrimSpa campaign, Anna was a part of American culture and we were rooting for her every step of the way. This girl took a miserable life and turned it into something. That's a lot more than we can say for most of the people in the public eye. Smith took the piece of crap hand she was dealt and turned it into a royal flush for her family and her son. So yes, the results of her autopsy will be announced this Monday morning in Florida, but the above video makes it very clear how she lived and why she died.

The "A" Is For Arrested

Actually the "A" stands for Anjanetta, but the point is that Vivica A. Fox was arrested for DUI in Los Angeles yesterday. Surely she made enough money from that Kill Bill movie to be able to afford a cab and then another in the morning to retrieve her car. Basic concept, although probably too sensible for her celebrity mind to grasp considering she sped right past a parked black and white police car going 80 mph. Driving drunk and speeding? Brilliant.

Brit Brit Sues The Brits

The latest on the Britster has her winning a court injunction against the British tabloids in regards to information they received about her stay in rehab. AaaaHa! So it was true. We read on some blogs last week that Brit Brit was bulimic and she wasn't keeping her anti-depressants down. After detoxing from alcohol, ecstasy and cocaine, Brit was being treated for her bipolar disorder but the medications were not having an effect. Enter bulimia. At the time we didn't believe the story because what medical professional leaks information? That's not cool and most definitely illegal. It turns out Brit talked in group therapy about what was happening and a fellow rehabber sold the information. Other stories have appeared in the American tabloids regarding Spears' obnoxious behavior and horrible attitude at the center, but being a brat is not a medical condition so we assume she can't sue for printing that. We're not a doctor but somehow we think if Britney ate food other than Cheetos and McDonald's, she may have better luck keeping it down. Was that mean to say? Perhaps, but it's not called tough love because it's all puppies and rainbows.

The View Says Buh-Bye To White Oprah

Dina Lohan is all over the news this week. First The Post called her out for doing lines with her daughter, Lindsay. Then the Harper's Bazaar issue arrived in mailboxes and that interview did not help her cause. Now, Dina has been abruptly dropped from a scheduled appearance on 'The View." Rosie O'Donnell called a spade a spade and took issue with Dina's drinking and clubbing with her daughter just weeks after she left rehab. A little background on Dina-she was once a fame-seeking Rockette before she became Lindsay's manager. Dina regularly goes out to Manhattan clubs until 6 and 7 in the morning, and at one point told a reporter that she wanted to be "The White Oprah." Apparently she had delusions that someone was going to give her a talk show. In her Harper's interview Dina talked about Lindsay's situation in regards to the paparazzi, "She's in such a whirlwind, she's in a tornado. I mean, we're talking serious earthquake, you know? Look at me. Princess Diana will happen again." Now is it a tornado or an earthquake? One takes place in Kansas, the other California. Dina went on, "And she's from an addictive personality genetically. And in that world, they give you things like candy. Hurt your ankle? 'Let's give her something.'" So basically she's saying Lindsay loves booze and coke and now painkillers? We all know about her frequent hospital stays. Dina Lohan needs to stop talking.

lindsay lohan

You Can't Spell Dannielynn Without DNA

Court TV's Jean Casarez has confirmed that a DNA test was done this morning on Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern. Anna Nicole Smith's psycho birth mother, Virgie Arthur, was there as well so she can keep her eye on the money, er, baby. The sample was flown from the Bahamas to Ohio where it will be compared to determine whether or not Howard K. Stern or Larry Birkhead is the father. Our money is on Birkhead. Or Danny DeVito. Whichever.

anna nicole smith

Cha-Ching

Angelina and her new son Pax Thien sat for a photoshoot while still in Vietnam and the photos were sold to Hello! and People for a reported $2 million. Jolie and the kids boarded a private jet today en route to the United States where Pax will takeover from Maddox as the luckiest kid ever. Congrats Pax.

She's Out

Brit Brit left rehab today after staying less than 30 days. Her manager, Larry Rudolph, released a statement saying she left Promises "after successfully completing their program." Today is the Fedster's 29th birthday and he cancelled one of his birthday parties saying he wanted to spend the day with his family. Cute.

Idol Final Eleven

So it's "British Invasion" night on American Idol, featuring Peter and Lulu Noone. They're from Hermit and the Hermits? Who knows. They're very British, hence the theme. First up is Haley Scarnato who has been confirmed by the Idol hairdresser to be re-using Kat McPhee's hair extensions from last year. Random. She sings "Tell Him" which happens to be one of our favorite songs...but we digress. For Haley, it's all about hot pants and high heels and she's rockin' it. Randy says, "Perfect song, Yo' factor all over." Paula says, " The flirtation side of you was great, it was adorable." Simon says, " Naughty little thing...A bit shriek-y in the middle. I think people are going to be talking about a lot more than your singing tonight." By the look on Simon's face, he likes Haley very, very much. It could have been her backless top? Chris Richardson is on now and we just fell asleep so no report on him. Stephanie Edwards is singing "You Don't Have To Say You Love Me" and Lulu says she reminds her of Beyonce. Ahem. Steph needs to lose the hooker nails. Seriously. Randy says, "So yo, it wasn't your best performance for me, it was a little pitchy for me." Paula says,"I love what you're wearing, you're a great singer, but go back to that having fun." Simon how do you think you did?" Stephanie, "I think I did well." Simon, "I think you're losing your edge, it was a bit nightclub-y, it was a cabaret performance, that's the problem. I wasn't crazy about you to be honest." Ouch. Blake Lewis is kickin' his beat box into the song and Peter says he doesn't want to sit in the front row when he spits during his beat box. He sings "Time Of The Season" and Paula is standing up dancing. Blake is wearing plaid pants and breakdancing. Back to the beat boxing and more breakdancing. Ewwww, gross, he's singing "Who's your daddy?" directly to Paula. Randy says, "Check it out baby. I'm a huge Blake fan since day one. this week you put together a massive you factor. Much props to you. Brilliant." Paula says,"This season is a Blake season." Simon says, "A million times better than last week. This week you chose the right song. the melody is intact, it sounded very contemporary, strongest performance so far." Ryan Seacrest is trying to get with Blake and he actually just danced on the stage. AND tried to beat box. Seacrest almost out. Of the closet. Lakisha Jones is up next singing "Diamonds Are Forever." Lulu really, really, really wanted her to sing "You're My World." Listen to the guest artists, Lakisha! That's why Idol producers pay them a gazillion dollars. Ugh. Randy says, "Lakisha, yo, yo, yo, alright so, from the James Bond film, I don't know if it was my favorite performance. Not enough Lakisha for me. It was alright for me." Paula says, "You're a smart girl" and then she is so drunk she can't speak properly so we're not sure what she said. Simon says, "We know, and it's evident that you're a fantastic singer however this is Lakisha in 50 years. It wasn't my favorite performance. Too old, too old fashioned, I didn't get it." Next up is Phil Stacey singing "Tobacco Road." That's our cue to go downstairs and take a walk on the tobacco road. So we totally missed Phil due to our love for cigarettes so now up is Jordin Sparks singing "I, Who Have Nothing." The straight hair and black dress are working for her. Half-way through the song she kicks it up and this girl can sing. Randy says, "Check it out, Jordan, that was a very tall order for you, I'm impressed with you for 17 years old, one of the best performances we'll see tonight." Paula says, "17, 17, you're a good singer and a wonderful performer." Simon says, "You sang it beautifully but I feel like jumping off a bridge. So depressing." Ryan says, "I think Simon, to get it, you have to experience love with someone other than yourself." Ryan and Simon have great chemistry. According to Ryan, the "wild" side of Sanjaya Malakar is up next. Now, loyal readers will know that we think Sanjaya is a little cutie, but at this point the 17 year old needs to let loose. He has been too shy lately and while he is absolutely adorable and has a decent voice, this week is do or die for him. Peter says, "He's a cute looking guy but he doesn't have a lot of experience to sell what he's got." He went on to say that he's made the choice of song really difficult for him. Holy shit, they just showed a young blonde girl in piggy tails crying in the audience. Sanjaya is singing "You Really Got Me Now" by the Kinks. Holy shit he's rockin' out. Randy says, "Whoah man, you shocked me tonight. You came out of your shell tonight. I'm in shock. Your best performance to date." Paula says, "Go for it. It was a lot of fun." Simon says, "I think the little girl's face says it all." Ashley (blonde girl) gets to hug Sanjaya and there are more tears from her. Vote for Sanjaya at 1-866-Idols-08. We love the underdog. Gina Glocksen is up next and we can't stand her. Sorry if you are into her, but she sucks in all the ways that a person can suck. She's singing "Paint It Black." Good luck with that. Lulu just asked her if she was singing in the right key. Uh-Oh. Wow. We dislike Gina singing this song so much. Time to make a cocktail and not forever ruin the song by listening to this, this, whatever it's called. Quelle horreur! Chris Sligh is up now singing "She's Not There." Guess what Chris? We're not there either. And yes, it's too late to say you're sorry. He started the song in the audience, not on the stage. Wha? Chris' friends are holding up a sign that says, "Bringing Chubby Back." Randy and Paula say, "The beginning was rough." Simon says, "What else could he have done to be more free with the audience?" He was being facetious in response to how Chris plays to the audience and went out and shook Simon's hand. Chris actually shouted FRO PATRO, which is like this year's version of Taylor Hick's Soul Patrol. Dear. Lord. They saved the best for last and Melinda DoLittle, this year's American Idol, is up next. She's singing "As Long As He Needs Me" with He being God. She just spit a little when she sang a note and the lights totally picked it up. Now here she goes...this girl is awesome. Like goosebumps awesome. It's in the bag for Melinda. Randy says, "Check it out, we probably saved the best for last, you are a pro up there." Paula says, "You are in your own league my dear." Simon says, "Melinda, are you really as nice as you seem? A very boring song, you made the second part sensational. The vocals were impeccable." Our thoughts exactly.

Sanjaya Malakar
american idol

Meet The Barkers, Part Deux

As if their recent birthday weekend in Miami didn't make it obvious enough, Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker have officially announced that they are back together. They told the "breaking news" to People magazine and we're sure it's totally cute, in a tattoo'd, stripper haircut kind of way. We're guessing they didn't get into the whole "We hated each other and Paris Hilton filed charges against me" part of the divorce ordeal. They'll save that for the 4-page spread in Life & Style. Or Star. Whichever.

I Heart Huckabees

It is a super slow week in celebrity news so the blogosphere has turned to YouTube for inspiration. The clip above has been consistently pulled so hopefully you can watch it in the next hour before it is removed again. During the filming of a scene, Lily Tomlin is not seeing eye-to-eye with the director, David O. Russell. Insane craziness is the result. And you thought your job sucked.

St. Patrick's Day, The Aftermath

Lindsay Lohan continued her tour of NYC clubs over the weekend proving that a little snowstorm is no match for her new "sober" life. In fact, Linds and her mom added some snow of their own to the party and the NY Post called it this morning: WHICH celebrity mom joins her daughter in snorting lines of cocaine? You win, Dina Lohan. And Linds wins for the craziest outfit ever.