Mother Of The Year

Fans of Teen Mom on MTV know that Farrah and her mother have a difficult relationship. Last year, Farrah's mother hit her while they were driving and life went on as if the physical abuse was a regular thing. Today, however, Farrah's mother faced a judge in court following an argument with her daughter. According to police officers, Debra Danielson, was holding two knives when officers responded to the home after 911 was called. She would not put the knives down which led to the officers pulling their guns on her. Allegedly, Farrah was hit in the face and officers noted that her lip was cut and bleeding. You can read more here. Holy drama. On last night's episode, Farrah was looking to move out of her mother's house and into places with like 4 and 5 roommates. She was planning on living in party houses with her 8-month-old baby!!!! We were thankful she reconsidered that plan, but holy moly...now this! Let's get it together, ladies.

Spencer Pratt: "Float like a Douchebag, Fight like a Girl"

If Spencer Pratt actually has a purple belt in Jiu-Jitsu- as claimed by girlfriend Heidi Montag in a weak, desperate attempt to talk him up in front of her parents and an ex-boyfriend- whichever school gave him that belt has some explaining to do. First and foremost: why does he punch like a girl? Yes- Jiu-Jitsu focuses on submission grappling rather than striking, but the emergence of mixed martial arts has proven that an effective fighter must develop a well-rounded proficiency, developing either grappling or stand-up to the detriment of the other at his own peril. We suspect that Heidi and Spencer put their heads together and made up this alleged purple belt to wipe some of the pansy off Spencer's image after his disgraceful performance on the Hills' season premiere: "Sure, he sucker-punched a guy with an uppercut and then proceeded to slap at him with his fist in a tomohawk-like motion, but his triangle choke is tight." Giving a bearded person an abrasion with an uppercut that he does not expect (because honestly, what kind of barbarian starts fights in this day and age?) fails to impress us. One of us recently received a cut on the face inflicted by a mere left hook, through gloves and protective head gear. It's not that big a deal. We will post the fight video as soon as MTV makes the full episode available. In the meantime you can catch a glimpse of Spencer playing patty-cakes in this season 5 preview.

The Hills - MTV Shows

Regardless of the veracity of Spencer's proficiency at a fighting style from a school that is behind the times and fosters aggresion, hostility, and douchiness in its students-as opposed to the usual values of self-respect, -discipline, and -control- he effectively applies a Jiu-Jitsu strategy to his relationship with Heidi. Having wrapped himself around her like an ever-tightening boa constrictor, he has brought her down, isolated and immobilized. Now, he proceeds to finish it of by smothering the life out of her.

From the Red Carpet to the Picket Line

Hollywood's stars will need all of the positive qualities they ceaselessly identified in each other during Sunday night's entertainment-industry ego-inflation ceremony, because a dispute between the SAG and the major studios could soon render these icons of the silver screen indefinitely unemployed. Once again, this looks like a case of the internet ruining everything: the dispute centers on compensation for work intended for online viewing. We have just one question: Does the cast of "The Hills" have to join in the strike? Maybe they'll half strike, because their show appears staged and scripted but nobody exhibits any talent. Could this explain the mystery behind Spencer's bizarre hanging-over-the-mouth cowboy mustache as half of a strike beard? The only other possible explanation is that anyone in a position to call attention to the absurdity of this facial hair debacle chooses not to because Spencer is a douchebag- but that couldn't be the case.

The City....In My Pants

We refuse to pay our full attention to "The City," as it is clearly the flagship in Hulu's assault on our brains.



But seriously, what the fuck is going on here? If it weren't so utterly mindless, this show would blow our minds with the baffling questions it raises regarding the line between reality and theater/performance and what happens to that line when an observable phenomenon doesn't come close to meeting the qualifications for either of these categories.

Tamarama - The City - MTV Shows

This poses an extraordinary danger that goes far beyond the cultural wasteland that will result from an explosion of musical performances that combine the staleness of a studio recording with the technical proficiency of an amateurish live performance and the energy of an opium den. If reality TV and real life continue to fuse and reproduce and spew out this twisted non-reality abomination, real life as we know it could cease to exist. We will explain how exactly how this calamity will unfold shortly. For now, we just want to make sure you know that The City is a black hole that threatens to engulf and destroy reality as we know it.

A Very Hilton Holiday

Finally! We think the "blogger is a bitch" issue has been solved with the help of our new BFF, Firefox. Sorry, Explorer, we had a good run together but we're just not that into you anymore. Speaking of BFF's, Porn-star Paris Hilton has a silly show on MTV about finding a new BFF which we refuse to watch, even if there is absolutely nothing else on. Apparently she's not getting enough attention from the paparazzi these days so Hilton announced she is officially back in whore mode. After nine months of dating Benji Madden, brother of Nicole Richie's baby daddy, Joel Madden, the couple is dunzo. In true Paris fashion, she got it on with her ex-boyfriend Stavros Niarchos in Miami before actually letting Madden know that she was done with him. As we head into the slow holiday gossip cycle, we predict Paris will date seven guys, get in two drunken brawls and have at least three pregnancy rumors surrounding her. Holy 2006.

So What, I'm Still A Rock Star

The divorce of Madonna and Guy Ritchie continues to evolve as the dust settles and we try to understand the logic behind the no pre-nup decision. Seriously, if you're worth $500 million then it goes without saying that you make him sign a pre-nup. Even Brit Brit got that part right. At least Madge can console herself with A-Rod while she listens to Pink's 'So What' on repeat. Stay tuned for Madonna to tear shit up in Manhattan like it's 1989. "You deserve the best in life, So if the time isn't right then move on. Second best is never enough, You'll do much better baby on your own. Express yourself."

Life Is A Mystery, Everyone Must Stand Alone

The spokeswoman for Madonna just confirmed that she and Guy Ritchie are getting a divorce. Madonna caused a commotion this summer when the wife of Yankee star, Alex Rodriguez, divorced him due to his relationship with the material girl. Currently on her 'Dry and Sour' world tour, Madonna denied the rumours that she was getting with A-Rod from la isla bonita, but the two were spotted together last week in the city. So now it's official, Guy and Madonna will be divorced by Christmas. The couple were married for eight years and have been on the brink of divorce for the last three. After turning 50 years old, Madonna obviously needs a holiday to celebrate. Rock it out, girl.

Superstar, Where You From, How's It Goin?

Brit Brit released her video for "Womanizer" last night and we are rather pleased with the results. ABC News premiered it after the 20/20 interview featuring Barbara Walters and Peter Cook of Christie Brinkley fame. Coincidence? Probably not. We're guessing Baba had it planned all along. Rather than strangle Elizabeth Hasslebeck on 'The View,' she channeled her disgust into a subtle slamming of Cook and his douchebag ways. While Peter may be a Womanizer, at least he's not a Republican. That's something. And somewhere in Vegas right now, K-Fed is rejoicing in his revisited relevance. Who? Exactly.

Britney And Her Hat-Trick

Oh. My. Gahhhhhhhhh. Brit Brit totally won all 3 Video Music Awards that she was nominated for, including Video Of The Year, and she looked fantastic doing so. Bravo, Brit Brit. Bravo.

Best Male Video

Chris Brown won Best Male Video and we were introduced to the Jonas Brothers. Insanity ensued. The awards returned to Los Angeles this year after being in various cities including New York and Miami over the past ten years...being that it's the 25th anniverary of the VMA's, they brought it on home. The Jonas Brothers performed on the back lot of Universal Studios where Seinfeld and Friends filmed and like we said, insanity ensued. Photos to follow.

Best Female Video

Jamie Foxx is the first presenter and he is hammered. Totally drunk. Anyhow, the nominees are Britney Spears, Katy Perry, Rihanna, Mariah Carey and Jordin Sparks featuring Chris Brown. And....Brit Brit won for "Piece of Me." She thanked God, her family, her boys and her fans. Oh, and she's sitting next to her manager, Larry Rudolph. DJ AM and Travis Barker are the house band and they're freakin' rockin' it out.

Brand For Barack

The host of the VMA's, Russell Brand, just begged America to vote for Obama on behalf of the world. Bravo.

Holy Rihanna Production

So Brit Brit looked awesome and they showed a pre-taped video of her and Jonah we forgot his last name, but he was in Superbad, and it was rather funny. Rihanna is opening with the craziest dance song thing we've seen in a very long time. Photos to follow.

The MTV Video Music Awards '08

The top photo of our beloved Brit Brit was taken last week. The middle, a couple of months ago and the bottom was when she was at Mel Gibson's place. She has come a long way, baby, and tonight will be her big comeback at the VMA's (MTV 9pm). Spears is nominated for Video of the Year, Best Pop Video and Female Video of the Year for her "Piece of Me" video. If she wins, this will be her very first Moonman after being nominated 16 prior times. It has been said that she won't perform at the show, but she will definitely be opening the awards ceremony which is hosted by British personality Russell Brand. Our guess is that she will perform and it will be awesome. Rock it out, Brit. And welcome back. We missed your crazy country ass.

Leavin' Never To Come Back Again

Our loyal reader Melissa in Camden mentioned to us that she would like more celebrity snark and less music videos, so we apologize for posting Leavin' by Jesse McCartney here. But we'll make a deal with you...for every one radio song that gets stuck in our head during the daily commute, we'll write two snarky posts. Speaking of, holy Lohan as of late.

Six Degrees Of Spencer Pratt

The culmination of a creatively bankrupt TV genre, The Hills, has endorsed the culmination and/or the impotent death spasms of a morally and intellectually bankrupt political movement, McCain for President. Without opening the Pandora's Box of political discussion over cocktails: it should come as no surprise that two guys who made a career of leeching off their mates and acting self-righteous on camera would feel drawn to each other.

The true meaning of this story remains open to interpretation. Spencer's announcement that he will be working with McCain's daughter to visit Iraq could be a subtle announcement that the reality TV community, like the military, will check its fantastic power in service of the civilian-elected government. The other, and more likely case, is that Spencer expressed his hope to see Heidi as McCain's running mate in order to set the stage for an upcoming season of The Capitol Hills. Prepare yourself for a domestically-focused Vice Presidency, as Spencer will throw a hissy-fit every time Heidi tries to schedule a diplomatic mission. The craziest part of this travesty: the studio planned this years in advance. After McCain dies of a heart attack brought on by the emotional stress of constant exposure to exaggerated, dour, reality TV facial expressions, Spencer will help Heidi select a new VP in a reality show a la Joe and Slade in the abominable "Date my Ex-Heidi and Spencer Edition." When asked for comment, Heidi simply said, "I love Jesus." Seriously. We could not make this stuff up.

The Kids From The Block

We wonder what The Kids on the Block are trying to resurrect with their new music video. Whatever it is, they missed the appropriate window for "sexiness." First, they were a bunch of mildly homo-erotic kids clearly too young to be sex icons. Now, they look like a bunch of creepy older men hanging out with younger women and singing songs that recapture their idyllic homo-erotic youth.

As the female perspective on this subject (Princess Nobody) we declare Baron Bubba to be wildly off. But what would you expect from a straight 20-something male? Regardless, we kind of dig the video for "Summertime" and it reminds us of our freshman year roommate, Liz Liddell, and her love for the New Kids. Yes, Liz was from Boston.

Recycling Music....Al Gore Would Be Proud

So Kid Rock released a "new" music video. While it lacks the musical energy or inspiration to excite the purists among us, the singer(?)-songwriter(?) must have targeted the niche of people who like a little scandal with their rubber-stamp-bubble-gum-pop......

OK...let's grant him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he included words, music, and background vocals from "Sweet Home Alabama" as an homage- not as a desperate attempt to provide some soul to a song as devoid of life as the corporate boardroom in which it was probably written. (We would question the wisdom of paying homage to a song whose lyrics contain thinly-veiled old-school states-rights, segregationist lyrics, but that involves a variety of different debates for a different day; We are not in the business of analyzing Lynyrd Skynyrd songs.)

Even still: Didn't anybody on the song assembly line notice the striking resemblence of the piano part to "Werewolves of London?" Didn't Vanilla Ice get torn apart for doing the same thing? Maybe we should stop villifying Robert van Winkle and give him the respect he deserves: as a groundbreaker who cleared the way for talentless hacks who want to substitute public persona and cheap imitation for creativity and originality.

A Warm Welcome For Baron de Bubba

We would like to assure you that any funkiness you notice on our blog in the near future is not accidental. Baron de Bubba has arrived in town, with a mission to lay the funky grooves down. Word to ya mutha. Okay, that last part was added by Princess Nobody (our editor), but we presume that you already knew that.

When I Ruled The World

How much cold could a coldplay play, if a coldplay could play cold?