There was a time long ago, in a land far, far away where we used to read tabloid magazines. Now we just read them online. At one point while living in Miami, we had a subscription to Star magazine. Yeah, no shit. When they proclaimed that Brad and Jen were pregnant, and the couple split the next day, we decided not to renew. No big surprise then that Star still has it out for Aniston. She is this week's cover with the headline saying that Brad's mother told Jen, "Brad Still Loves You." Doubtful.
Somewhere around the time that Aniston was America's tabloid darling, Britney went off to Vegas and got married to Jason Alexander, then married again, became a baby mama and the rest is history. Star magazine has been along for the whole sordid affair and this week is saying that Britney got into a slap-fest with her mother. Apparently Brit delivered a restraining order to Mama on the set of her little sister's (Jamie-Lynne) television set. Brit's pissed that her mother forced her into rehab and is seeing the kids when they are with the Fedster. The court order says her mother can't see the kids when she is under the influence of prescription drugs. Lynne Spears went to see her daughter and things got all WWF up in the joint. Brit told reporters from TMZ that she was praying that her mother gets the help she needs. Honey, we've been praying for years that you get the help you need so get your white trash behind into church. And therapy. And to a stylist. Thanks.
The tabloid kingdom also presents a "scary" image, that of a very thin and depressed Angelina Jolie. She apparently weighs only 95 pounds and is depressed that her mother died and that Brad's mother is trying to turn him against her and steer him back to Jen. We're surprised they haven't jumped on the heroin train. Other than that, all is well in the Brangelina paradise.
Angelina and Maddox arrived in Vietnam today to pick up the newest member of the Jolie-Pitt family. If the purchase goes smoothly, the 3-year-old orphan will be stateside in time for St. Patrick's Day. On the homefront, Shiloh made her film debut playing her father's daughter in The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons after the babies brought in for the role proved to be too fussy. Perfect family, perfect baby. Meanwhile, Jennifer Aniston is set to guest star on the season finale of "Dirt" in which her lesbian character kisses Courtney Cox's character. Now, just so we're all on the same page here, Aniston is appearing on her friend's cable show in a stunt to keep the show on the air while her ex-husband is making big movies and welcoming a fourth child to his family. Did we mention that her ex-husband is Brad Fucking Pitt and he wanted to have a baby with Jennifer, but she was too focused on her career? Oh, you already knew that. Okay so here's Jen wearing God knows what in Manhattan this week. Perhaps she's thinks it's the 90's with those boots and maybe that's why she screwed up her life because she still thinks she has a career? Or maybe she's living on another planet. Whatever the case, there has to be some sort of explanation. We smell another Oprah appearance.
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If you're a Nip/Tuck fan then you already know all about Dirt, the new series starring Courteney (Monica Gellar) Cox. Yes, she dropped the Arquette for the show. The FX network literally showed 14 commercials for Dirt during each Nip/Tuck episode and we now associate Christian and Sean with Peter Gabriel because "This time you've gone too far." Our point is, the show premieres tonight at 10 pm sans commercials, and the early buzz is that it's worth watching. Monica plays a ruthless tabloid editor and the catchphrase is, 'Fame has a price. She's here to collect.' Nice. Speaking of tabloids, Courtney's BFF Jennifer Aniston is the target du jour and we're thinking 'US Weekly' has lost their shit. These are quotes from their story about Jennifer, "She collapses in a heap, clutching her womb like she's been stabbed if she so much as passes a baby stroller on the street," is how her "friend" describes Jen's actions after she sees pictures of Shiloh. The "friend" went on to say Jen's therapy includes, "throwing baby dolls into a bonfire on the beach behind her place in Malibu. It's creepy, but she says it makes her feel better for a few hours. At least she's stopped watching 'Mr. & Mrs. Smith' over and over again, for days at a time without eating or sleeping. That just wasn't healthy." Ummm, hello? Now they're just making shit up. Burning baby dolls on the beach right near the throng of paparazzi that follow her every move? And why would she watch Brangelina in a film? That doesn't even make any sense. Quite frankly, US Weekly has insulted our intelligence and we don't want to play with them anymore. So there.
Brangelina has received more coverage since being in India than when they were stateside. First there was the drama surrounding this rickshaw ride when one of their bodyguards choked a photographer. Then the car in which Angelina was riding in hit a young man on a motorcycle. THEN, Donald Trump went on Larry King Live and said, "She is not even that attractive. I think he's (Brad Pitt) a smart guy for narrowly dodging the marriage issue. I'm not a fan of hers as you probably noticed. I know her father. Her father is a nice guy. I think she treats him like a dog but maybe they have some kind of a thing." He went on to say, "I mean this poor sap, he comes along and he practically begs her, 'I want to see my grandson. I want to see this.' I mean if I were with him, I'd say 'Forget it. It's over.' I think he's a great actor and she just treats him terribly. She's been with so many guys she makes me look like a baby, OK, with the other side. And, I just don't even find her attractive. That has nothing to do with why I said it though." Now another photographer is claiming that her bodyguard pulled a gun on him. Meanwhile, Jennifer Aniston was on today's Oprah and Brangelina was not mentioned at all so now that Oprah has moved on, perhaps we all can. And no, Jen and Vince did not break up. At least not this week anyway.
Brad and Angelina arrived in Pune, India today to begin production on the film "A Mighty Heart" which stars Angelina and is produced by Plan B, the company Brad started with ex-wife Jennifer Aniston. Brangelina will remain in India for at least a month which should be plenty of time for Aniston to get her act together in L.A. following what should be the final break-up of Vaughniston. Brad just gave an interview saying that he wants to have a family of six children by next year and that he and Angelina would eventually like to have nine kids or so, enough for a soccer team. If ever there was a doubt as to why Brad divorced Jen, it just vanished...at least for us anyways. Hopefully Jen's career is keeping her warm at night.
Brangelina made their first public appearance as a couple in Los Angeles when they attended a birthday party for Scott Caan last week. As drama is a permanent member of their entourage, there was plenty of buzz surrounding their debut. After attending an art show the couple arrived at the party only to sit in their car for thirty minutes until Angelina's father, actor Jon Voight, had made his exit. Background: Scott Caan is James Caan's son and appears in Ocean's 13 with Brad Pitt and yes, they're making another Ocean's movie. Voight is somewhat of a legend in Hollwood and is dear friends with the Caan family, hence his attendance. Angelina has been estranged from her father since 2002 when he said in a TV interview that she needed help for her "mental problems," which she herself had extensively discussed in many, many interviews. In an uncharacteristic move on our part, we will not comment on this particular relationship. We have seen, however, Voight talk about how happy he is for Angelina and Brad and the birth of Shiloh and he has been extremely gracious when asked about his daughter and has always said how proud he is of her and her many accomplishments. Rumor is Brad, who is super-close with his fam, has tried to bring Ang and her dad back together to no avail. The other big news surrounding Brangelina comes from his family's first meeting with his Baby Momma. Brad's family, mother Jane & Co., flew out from Missouri to attend Maddox's fifth birthday party and received a less than stellar welcome upon arrival from Angelina. Actually, Angelina acted like they weren't even there. Perhaps she was pissed that Jane is still close with Jen Aniston, her former daughter-in-law until Angelina broke up their happy home, but she needs to get over it. There's no faster way to lose a man than to alienate his family and being an Oscar winner, Angelina of all people should be able to act like she is a respectable woman. Apparently Jane was none too pleased by the open bar at Maddox's little kid party and was offended that Angelina got wasted, leading the Pitt clan to leave several days before planned. We know that Angelina marches to the beat of a different drummer with the vials of blood and obnoxious behavior, but at her age and with three children it's time to grow the f*ck up. Of course that's just a suggestion.
Vince Vaughn proposed to Jennifer Aniston in Paris and they are making plans for the wedding which will take place this year. We are officially declaring Vaughniston the new "it" couple. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
In this week's issue of Forbes, Angelina Jolie gives an interview regarding her UN work and 'candidly acknowledges her crusade [charity] has an extra upside: It diverts movie fans, supermarket tabloids and the media from focusing on more controversial and less attractive elements of her life.' Angelina came in at number 35 on Forbes' Hot 100 List of Celebrities, making $14 million in the last year. Aniston also was ranked 35th, making $18 million. Brad came in at number 20 and made $25 million. Factors such as Google mentions, TV mentions and magazine covers determined the rankings. Brit Brit didn't make the list.
Most celebrity break-ups can be predicted before the honeymoon is over and others are truly surprising. After ten years of marriage Heather Locklear filed for divorce from husband Richie Sambora (of Bon Jovi) and didn't bother to tell him about it beforehand. A reporter told him. Ouch. In other celeb news, Lance Armstrong and the much older Sheryl Crow have called it quits after dating for two years, breaking up, getting back together, getting engaged, and five months later they're broken up again. No big surprise there. We're hoping for a Lance Armstrong/Jennifer Aniston connection. That would be hot.
The commercialism of Sundance was in full effect this year with many celebrities attending just for the swag while others were in Utah to promote their indie movies. Katie Holmes wasn't there at all, but her new movie with Aaron Eckhart called "Thank You for Smoking" was screened and became the scandal of the film festival. The film premiered at the Toronto Film Festival last year and featured a hot sex scene which was mysteriously omitted from the Sundance screening. Director Jason Reitman was asked about the missing scene and after first blaming a glitch, went on to say, "If you want to see a sex scene with Katie Holmes, rent 'The Gift.'" Apparently that movie shows a topless Katie. Of course everyone suspects Crazy Tom had the scene cut, but that has not been confirmed and no one has bothered to ask for a comment regarding the sitch. If anyone knows the number for Tom's publicist send us an email and we'll call. We're not afraid.
Aniston and Robert Redford posed for photos at the Sundance premiere of her upcoming film 'Friends With Money' which has gotten positive early reviews. That's a relief after 'Rumor Has It' and 'Derailed' received not so good responses and her husband ran off and knocked up Angelina.
Aniston enjoyed day three of the Sundance Film Festival in Utah without her reported boyfriend, Vince Vaughn. Hopefully she's there supporting a movie that doesn't suck.
Supermodel Gisele Bundchen finally dumped Leonardo DiCaprio making this the first exciting thing to happen in Hollywood in weeks. Gisele has taken up with Kelly Slater, a surfer, and apparently Leo is way depressed about the whole thing. George Clooney, whom she asked out years ago (he declined saying he was too old) should arrange a meeting between his BFF Brad Pitt and Gisele. Then everyone* would live happily ever after.
