Gayelles Rejoice

Congratulations and best wishes to Ellen Degeneres and Portia de Rossi on their marriage yesterday in Malibu. After Ellen's infamous relationship with Anne Heche who tried out the lesbian lifestyle for a bit and then turned batshit crazy, we're so happy that Ellen found an amazing partner in de Rossi. Kudos to Portia for her outstanding roles on Ally McBeal, Arrested Development, and Nip/Tuck. She totally rocks. Ironically, crazy Anne Heche also appeared on Nip/Tuck back when Christian and Sean were still in Miami, but we digress. Hopefully the quote from today's New York Times about how being gay and single is like the new smoking will not cast a shadow on the happy newlyweds. Mazel tov.

Eden Lord Ups The Ante

Sweet Jesus, Matt has absolutely no luck with the ladies. We love how the hideous August Walden is modeled after Perez Hilton, right down to the coffee shop "office." Hopefully, Hilton will take a cue from the writers of nip/tuck and add some kindness to his routine before one of his victims takes matters into her own hands.

Feed Your Addiction

The fifth season of nip/tuck has been a rollercoaster and last week's episode, Lulu Gridiron, was no exception. We are still not feeling the Julia and Christian love affair, but the degrees of separation between the characters is brilliant. Olivia (Portia de Rossi) is apparently still dating Julia, but we see much more of her daughter, Eden Lord. Holy freaky-deaky situation with Kimber, Ram and Eden. And is Julia going to die, or what? We're guessing no, but we wouldn't be sad if she did. We gave up when she slept with Conor's nanny. Yes, the little guy. Enjoy.

Now's The Time To Finish That Screenplay

Today marks day nine of the writers' strike which is wreaking havoc on Hollywood. Currently we are sans television so we've been viewing nip/tuck and the such via youtube. That is what the strike is all about, but we'll direct you to Jon Stewart above for a proper explanation. [Sorry about that...wrong video. It's still funny, though.] Enjoy.

One Step Closer To Butter Face Status

Jessica Simpson showed off her latest nip/tuck in New York last night and her face is almost becoming unrecognizable. Nice legs, though.

Wipe That Dirt Off Your Shoulder

If you're a Nip/Tuck fan then you already know all about Dirt, the new series starring Courteney (Monica Gellar) Cox. Yes, she dropped the Arquette for the show. The FX network literally showed 14 commercials for Dirt during each Nip/Tuck episode and we now associate Christian and Sean with Peter Gabriel because "This time you've gone too far." Our point is, the show premieres tonight at 10 pm sans commercials, and the early buzz is that it's worth watching. Monica plays a ruthless tabloid editor and the catchphrase is, 'Fame has a price. She's here to collect.' Nice. Speaking of tabloids, Courtney's BFF Jennifer Aniston is the target du jour and we're thinking 'US Weekly' has lost their shit. These are quotes from their story about Jennifer, "She collapses in a heap, clutching her womb like she's been stabbed if she so much as passes a baby stroller on the street," is how her "friend" describes Jen's actions after she sees pictures of Shiloh. The "friend" went on to say Jen's therapy includes, "throwing baby dolls into a bonfire on the beach behind her place in Malibu. It's creepy, but she says it makes her feel better for a few hours. At least she's stopped watching 'Mr. & Mrs. Smith' over and over again, for days at a time without eating or sleeping. That just wasn't healthy." Ummm, hello? Now they're just making shit up. Burning baby dolls on the beach right near the throng of paparazzi that follow her every move? And why would she watch Brangelina in a film? That doesn't even make any sense. Quite frankly, US Weekly has insulted our intelligence and we don't want to play with them anymore. So there.

Our Fix Of Oh Six: Television

Run, don't walk, to your local Blockbuster or Netflix queue and rent seasons 1 through 3 of Nip/Tuck. The above clip is from the season 4 finale and should be out on DVD shortly. We absolutely love how they brought the season 1 premiere full circle. Brilliant. And welcome to California, gentlemen. Our homage to Escobar and our beloved Christian: You're my obsession. Who do you want me to be, To make you sleep with me? My fantasy...has turned to madness, All my goodness...has turned to badness. My need to possess you has consumed my soul. My life is trembling, I have no control. I will have you. Yes, I will have you. I will find a way, and I will have you. Like a butterfly, A wild butterfly. I will collect you and capture you.

Take Those Old Records Off The Shelf

Okay, so Tom Cruise apologized to Brooke Shields and she went on 'The Tonight Show' and talked to Jay Leno about it on Friday. Presumably Shields was promoting her guest arc on 'Nip/Tuck' this season and we're sure there was begging (or large amounts of cash) involved on Tom's part to make it all come off so flawlessly. On Tuesday, Rosie O'Donnell returned to ABC as the moderator of 'The View,' where she mentioned that she was on her meds these days so we should not expect anymore crazy lesbian haircuts. When asked about her infamous love for her Tommy and his dislike for anti-depressants she said something to the effect of, "I'm not saying who this huge bouquet of flowers is from, but it could be from Tom Cruise." Perhaps the 40 percent plunge in his likeability rating during the past year has convinced Cruise to cut out the crazy. A rep for Marketing Evaluation, Inc., a company that measures Q ratings (how the public perceives celebrities) said, "Compared to 2005, he's [Cruise] shown a dramatic decrease in appeal. And his negative reaction which is the other side of the spectrum is virtually double, up 100 percent." There was the Paramount divorce, then the announcement that the Six Flags Guy was going to finance Cruise's company, then all of a sudden we have a week of brilliant spin. Hopefully Cruise has gotten the hint that the Good Ship Scientology is sinking and his career is treading water along side it. But all hope is not lost. Tom can host a Saturday Night Live this fall and do a 'Risky Business' skit in his underwear. All will be forgiven. Well most of all anyway.