Who's Promoting Peace Today?

Lindsay Lohan finally finished up her probation a few weeks ago and the judge specifically told her to stay out of the clubs. Being that Lohan wants to be taken seriously and get her life back on track, here she is at Coachella where she was hanging out in the VIP club.

Is "Sober House" Stupid, Ironic or Just Cruel?

Clearly we are naive and have yet to get hip to the logic of contemporary reality TV, because our first reaction to VH1's vicious-cycle-recovery-relapse-extravaganza took on an element of smug superiority: "Obviously this environment will lead them to a relapse with the pressure of the cameras, etc..." We will not arrogantly presume to be smarter then the big-wigs who created "Sober House-" just more humane and decent, apparently.

The individuals responsible for this travesty must know that the putative clean living facility they've created for our viewing pleasure includes all the ingredients of an adult Lord of The Flies. We can't help but applaud the brilliance in devising a way to televise the ordeals of celebrities with substance abuse issues that garner so much attention. Accomplishing this, however, requires putting vulnerable individuals in need of genuine help and support under what amounts to the magnifying class of individuals playing God by sadistically incinerating insects. We would expect this indifference to human suffering from soulless TV executives, but Dr. Drew, who supposedly took an oath to do no harm, has earned himself a special place in Hell for his part in this modern-day equivalent of a Roman Coliseum.To continue the coliseum metaphor, David Douchetraub serves the same purpose as a lion sent to devour hapless Christians. He is a big, dumb animal whose arrogance, egoism, and generally obnoxious behavior inflicts psychological carnage on the show's participants at a vastly faster rate than they would inflict it on each other- their various destructive instincts restrained by basic human decency and the delusion that anyone expects-or even wants- "Sober House" to resemble its bullshit title.

Cinderella Made New Friends

Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty (fresh from jail) filmed a few precious moments while they were cracked out of their minds. Our favorite part is when Amy's mouse tells Blake not to divorce "mummy." We look forward to the mice turning into horses to pull the carriage so Amy can make it to the ball.

The Lowdown On Lohan

Lohan has been in a Utah rehab for more than a month now and when her mother Dina was asked about an imminent release, she replied via email, 'Not true, staying in Utah.' Lindsay has reconciled with her father and the two will spend five days together at an undisclosed facility. You know they'll get all drunk together. There were rumors that Lohan had sex with a fellow rehabber in a bathroom and now the guy's wife is divorcing him. The guy (above) is named Tony and is in some band and normally wears a lot of eyeliner. Yeah, one of those. Anyway his wife's family is worth a couple of billion dollars so her lawyers are going for the throat. Oh, and they have 8-month-old twins together. Lohan's rep issued a statement saying that Lindsay and Tony are friends and that she was not involved in the demise of the marriage. We think Lohan did her a favor because why would this chick be with a drug-addicted, eyeliner-wearing loser like him anyway? He's 39 years old and wears eyeliner. Enough said.
Moving on...Steve-O went on Howard Stern and described how Lindsay stole cocaine from him. Apparently she was at his house and came back saying she left her wallet in the bathroom and swiped his stash. If that's not pathetic, we're not sure what is. In happier news it looks like Lindsay may have discovered the reason that people love dogs (below). She has at least one dog herself although we've never seen a single photo of him, and we try to keep on top of these things. She probably traded him for drugs. We kid.

It's Cold Down Here, Y'All

While Lohan is resting up in rehab, The News Of The World has launched its first attack against their new favorite target, Britney Spears. Fortunately Brit's story doesn't include S&M photos, but her former bodyguard gave an extensive interview with all the sordid details. Ugh. She really needs to make everyone she employs (or hooks up with) sign confidentiality agreements. Fat Tony also gave this information to the court handling the custody case which led to her court-ordered drug testing. Apparently when she was preparing for those "showcases" in the spring, she was all hopped up on crystal meth. The day of her first show she nearly overdosed in a hotel room with dirtbag Howie Day whom she met in rehab. That might explain why she wore a bra to perform in, and wrote all over her skirt. As for the rest of it, Brit's expression below says it all. To top it off, she was charged with hit and run and driving without a license following a fender bender she had in which she left the scene. The paparazzi filmed it all so the case is pretty open and shut, and if convicted she could spend 6 months in jail. We're no experts on rock-bottom, but we dare to venture that Britney has hit it.

We Really Dislike Spencer Pratt

Heidi and Spencer are so totally desperate. We missed the episode but just caught it over at mtv, click here to watch the "showdown" at ketchup. Doesn't Tara Reid own that place? Totally random.

Bravo, Amy, Bravo

We trust you all had a great Labor Day Weekend, and we could not be more pleased with our favorite Brit, Amy Winehouse. After the whole rehab thing, she went back to the smack and crack and kicked the crap out of her husband (above) in London. She cancelled her appearance at the MTV VMA's as well as her performance tour in the states. Reports from the St. Lucia hotel in which she and hubby spent last week were disturbing as Amy was clearly ill (vomiting blood) to the point that the hotel staff urged her to enter a hospital. After returning to London, Amy performed 'Love Is A Losing Game' at the Mercury Awards and was flawless. We love how she changed it up from the album version. Enjoy.

God Bless The Vices

There have been many "tortured" great artists, writers, singers and perhaps the pain they venture into ends up in the their work. This is what we hoping for with Amy Winehouse. She is so young and it seems as if her very new husband Blake is trying to help out with the situation. After checking out of rehab via helicopter and going on a rampage (meanwhile canceling ALL European and ALL US performances) Amy text-messaged Perez Hilton and explained that she was going to smoke crack with a call girl and Blake found her and she attacked him which led to the photo above. We'd show a close up but his face sort of looks like Freddy Kruger's. Gross.

My Hair Growed Back, Y'All

Things are not going so well for Britney lately and she may want to think about settling this custody lawsuit with a payout. On the list to testify for Kevin is Brit's mother, Lynne, an executive assistant from Promises, 2 former assistants, former bodyguards and even a woman that Brit hooked up with in Amsterdam when she was on tour. Private investigators hired by Kevin's lawyer found the woman and a friend that "Kevin trusts with his life" went to talk with her and she agreed to testify against Britney about the drugs and sex they had in May of 2004. Brit's divorce lawyer, Laura Wasser, never agreed to represent her in this custody lawsuit and has recommended other lawyers that Britney should hire. In other words, she's dropping her as a client. To make matters worse, Britney continues to be out and about with Criss Angel. He's reportedly helping her with her MTV VMA appearance and the couple spent the weekend together as well. They tried to check into the Bel-Air hotel, but were turned away. We wonder why.

The House Of Wine Has Lost Its Shit

As we mentioned previously, Amy Winehosue overdosed on heroin, cocaine, horse tranquilizers (special K) and Ecstasy. She went tot the hospital and she and her husband reportedly checked into a rehab together after her father and his stepfather came to fisticuffs over the whole situation. The Mirror reported that the duo even stripped for their parents to prove that they had never injected the heroin, only snorted or smoked it. Is there a difference? It's still heroin. So after 48 hours Amy checked out of rehab via helicopter so she could fly to London and have a brain scan as she has a seizure during her 3-day drug binge. A few hours after she arrived, she was at the pub having pints with her friends. Her publicist caught wind of this and released a statement saying that Amy is back in rehab and is focused on her health which has led her to cancel several performances. Now we're no experts but if your record is number one in the UK and climbing the charts in the USA, you're performing with the Rolling Stones and you're a superstar, why in the world would you not enjoy that? For a super talented young woman, our dear Amy is making big time mistakes. Do your gig, sell your billion records, then party like it's 1999. Doesn't Prince live in London now? Maybe he could talk to her, reason with her. Otherwise we're on a plane. Hey, that's not a bad idea...

Maybe She Can Be A Third Wife

Thank somebody that Lohan is in a Mormon rehab in Utah and doesn't know that she just got sued big-time over her little cokescapade. Hey that's kind of cute, maybe we'll make it a category. Lord knows there are plenty of Hollywood folks to tag with that. We digress. A girl that was riding in the car of Lohan's assistant's mother, has sued Lindsay for assault and negligence. The girl says she was traumatized and that the police drew guns on her when Lohan got out of the car and chased her. That must be a wake-up call, having a gun drawn on you. We watch a lot of Big Love and those Mormons are not fussin' around with their sobriety. Linds reportedly has to do chores like wash dishes and clean the toilet. No phone, internet, lights out by 11 pm and up by 6 am. We say she should just move to Cirque Lodge indefinitely because things are not looking good for her out here in the real world.

Cover That Shit Up Already

It's been some time since we've checked in with Tara Reid and we're sort of sorry we did. Apparently the surgeon that "fixed" her botched stomach surgery needs to go back for a little refresher course. That is totally not fixed.

Estranged Father? Check. Lesbian Affair? Check. Crazy Drugged Out Behavior? Check.

It's a good thing for Lohan that her dealer wasn't late this time. Wow. She's been hooked on the coke since at least May of 2005. Now...we're no experts, but wouldn't now be a critical point in Lindsay's life? Having your bodyguard bring you cocaine, meth, oxy, whatever, into rehab for you, may have not been the right decision but we don't want to get all motherly on you. But hey, if you're gonna go big, go Big-big. Speaking of mothers, Dina is in talks to do a reality show for E! tentatively called Mom-ager. Her father is promoting some rehab in the Hamptons, and like we said....not experts, but if you're gonna go big....go Badda-Bing big. Before her 21st Birthday Bash in Vegas, set for July 2nd, we expect to see Lohan with a heroin addiction, the result being that she gains enough emotional reserve to win herself an Oscar. Hey, it worked for Angelina.

Just Another Manic Monday

The Costume Institute Gala was at the Met on Monday evening, and nearly all the fashionistas were there. Kirsten Dunst brought her gross rocker boyfriend, Johnny, and was all smiles. Her dress and headgear were eww, but whatever. Her movie, Spiderman 3, just became the top grossing film in history and raked in $148 million over the weekend. We'll cut her some slack.
Lindsay Lohan was fresh off her cocaine photo scandal and turned it out flawlessly. Beautifully done.
Mary-Kate Olsen is still doing the homeless person grunge thing with her hair, but at least she's off the coke. Looking much healthier these days. Perhaps Stavros was the influence? Wow. We just mentioned Stavros in 2 different posts today. Random.
For once we think Ashley Olsen is the better of the twins. She looks gorgeous and arrived with Christian Louboutin. Her feet are psyched.

The View Says Buh-Bye To White Oprah

Dina Lohan is all over the news this week. First The Post called her out for doing lines with her daughter, Lindsay. Then the Harper's Bazaar issue arrived in mailboxes and that interview did not help her cause. Now, Dina has been abruptly dropped from a scheduled appearance on 'The View." Rosie O'Donnell called a spade a spade and took issue with Dina's drinking and clubbing with her daughter just weeks after she left rehab. A little background on Dina-she was once a fame-seeking Rockette before she became Lindsay's manager. Dina regularly goes out to Manhattan clubs until 6 and 7 in the morning, and at one point told a reporter that she wanted to be "The White Oprah." Apparently she had delusions that someone was going to give her a talk show. In her Harper's interview Dina talked about Lindsay's situation in regards to the paparazzi, "She's in such a whirlwind, she's in a tornado. I mean, we're talking serious earthquake, you know? Look at me. Princess Diana will happen again." Now is it a tornado or an earthquake? One takes place in Kansas, the other California. Dina went on, "And she's from an addictive personality genetically. And in that world, they give you things like candy. Hurt your ankle? 'Let's give her something.'" So basically she's saying Lindsay loves booze and coke and now painkillers? We all know about her frequent hospital stays. Dina Lohan needs to stop talking.

lindsay lohan

Shitfaced Shamrocks

It's been some time since we've checked in on trainwreck Tara Reid and being that we're gearing up for a huge St. Patty's Day, it's only fitting that we devote a post to everybody's favorite Jersey Girl. Last year at this time we were all over her shenanigans like white on rice, but somehow her silly games have lead us to believe that Trix really are for kids. Or at least those adults that think they're still kids. What has Tara been up to? Besides drinking, you ask? Well it's not too exciting, but she's an Irish-American and we have a whole category devoted to her to your right there so the least we can do is give an update. Now that her acting career is dead in the water, Tara has invested what little money she has in a fast-food restaurant called Ketchup in Los Angeles. May the luck of the Irish be with you, Miss Reid. Oh, and look into the concept of the CAMISOLE. Totally fabulous. And yes, we just said totally. Again. From now on, pretend it's 1984 because we're totally into saying totally lately. Totally.

It's Official

Trainwreck Tara Reid hosted the New Year's Party at the Marriott Hotel in Chicago. It's safe to say that her career is over.

Christmas In The Caribbean

Back in October Tara Reid made the talk-show rounds to discuss her plastic surgery nightmare which left her disfigured. She sang the praises of her new surgeon and how he fixed her stomach and breasts and gave her back the confidence she had lost. Funny, because she looks just as disgusting as she always has. Karma's a bitch.

Two Tara's For The Price Of One

One day after she turned 21, Miss USA was given a second chance at her job and Donald Trump gave a press conference about the whole thing. Dude acted like he was giving an acceptance speech at the National Convention. Seriously, who gives a crap about these pageant things anyway? Is this event the same thing as Miss America? Who knows. What we do know, however, is that Freaky-Deaky Trump bought the pageant and used to talk about it ad nauseum on that 'Apprentice' show back before it jumped the shark and we stopped watching it. Miss USA, Tara Conner, is familiar to us because she was on 'Project Runway' and Kayne lost his shit because he's totally Mr. Pageant Gown Designer and we digress. So the deal with Tara is, she lives in the Trump Tower with the Miss Teen Usa and drinks a lot and was having problems and Trump milked it for all it was worth. Tara tested positive for cocaine and Freaky-Deaky said, "She’s agreed to go into rehab. She knows that if she makes even the slightest mistake from here on she will be immediately replaced." Kayne is undoubtedly jumping for joy because she'll wear his winning creation to the Miss Universe Pageant. And the other Tara news is basically the same as it always is. Tara Reid. Drunk.

A Few Suggestions, If We May

Paris Hilton and her wonky eye went out to lunch in New York last week with Brandon Davis and the NY Post claimed she followed it up with some cocaine. Clearly there is something white in her nose and her tortured publicist, Eliot Mintz, responded with, "I can tell you Paris does not use narcotics. I would imagine [it's] something like whipped cream or a sugary substance from dessert. Something that naturally might have found it's way to onto her face if she touched her nose or whatever. I'd label it a stray dessert." Wow, that is creative. This guy definitely deserves a raise. Not that anyone believes him, but he does get an A for effort. Paris should take a cue from arch-enemy Lindsay Lohan and cut her coke with Strawberry Quik so the pink powder blends in with the inside of her nose. OR....and we're reaching here, Paris could think about giving drugs up altogether. Perhaps use her time and money for the benefit of others. It's called charity and it's all the rage amongst New York's social set. Ideally she would just go far, far away from here, but that seems to be a near impossibility. We can dream.