There was a time long ago,
in a land far, far away where we used to read tabloid magazines. Now we just read them online. At one point while living in Miami, we had a subscription to Star magazine. Yeah, no shit. When they proclaimed that Brad and Jen were pregnant, and the couple split the next day, we decided not to renew. No big surprise then that Star still has it out for Aniston. She is this week's cover with the headline saying that Brad's mother told Jen, "Brad Still Loves You." Doubtful.
Somewhere around the time that Aniston was America's tabloid darling, Britney went off to Vegas and
got married to Jason Alexander, then married again, became a baby mama and the rest is history. Star magazine has been along for the whole sordid affair and this week is saying that Britney got into a slap-fest with her mother. Apparently Brit delivered a restraining order to Mama on the set of her little sister's (Jamie-Lynne) television set. Brit's pissed that her mother forced her into rehab and is seeing the kids when they are with the Fedster. The court order says her mother can't see the kids when she is under the influence of prescription drugs. Lynne Spears went to see her daughter and things got all WWF up in the joint. Brit told reporters from TMZ that she was praying that her mother gets the help she needs. Honey, we've been praying for years that you get the help you need so get your white trash behind into church. And therapy. And to a stylist. Thanks.
The tabloid kingdom also presents a "scary" image, that of a very thin and depressed Angelina Jolie. She apparently weighs only 95 pounds and is depressed that her mother died and that Brad's mother is trying to turn him against her and steer him back to Jen. We're surprised they haven't jumped on the heroin train. Other than that, all is well in the Brangelina paradise.
This summer has been a disappointment thus far in celebrity news so many thanks to People and Hello for giving us something to talk about. We are very happy for The Royal Family and their new twins, Knox and Vivienne. But for the love of God, 14 million frickin' dollars?! It's a good thing the economy isn't in the shitter or this type of greed might seem excessive. Poor little Shiloh only raked in $4 mil for her photos. At least Shiloh made it onto the cover, unlike those other kids that no one seems to care about anymore. Sadly for them, Maddox, Pax and Zahara just moved one step closer to becoming "the adopted ones." Sort of like Connor and Isabella Cruise. Who? Exactly.
Angelina and Maddox arrived in Vietnam today to pick up the newest member of the Jolie-Pitt family. If the purchase goes smoothly, the 3-year-old orphan will be stateside in time for St. Patrick's Day. On the homefront, Shiloh made her film debut playing her father's daughter in The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons after the babies brought in for the role proved to be too fussy. Perfect family, perfect baby. Meanwhile, Jennifer Aniston is set to guest star on the season finale of "Dirt" in which her lesbian character kisses Courtney Cox's character. Now, just so we're all on the same page here, Aniston is appearing on her friend's cable show in a stunt to keep the show on the air while her ex-husband is making big movies and welcoming a fourth child to his family. Did we mention that her ex-husband is Brad Fucking Pitt and he wanted to have a baby with Jennifer, but she was too focused on her career? Oh, you already knew that. Okay so here's Jen wearing God knows what in Manhattan this week. Perhaps she's thinks it's the 90's with those boots and maybe that's why she screwed up her life because she still thinks she has a career? Or maybe she's living on another planet. Whatever the case, there has to be some sort of explanation. We smell another Oprah appearance.
brangelina
