Ridin' That Train

Like the needy, attention-seeking brat that she is, Lindsay made a spectacle of herself at Jeremy Piven's birthday party in Malibu. While everyone else was dressed in normal attire, she changed her outfit three times during the party and walked around in bikinis as if she were at the Playboy mansion. Two days later she was rushed to a Los Angeles hospital for exhaustion, which is like the third time now for Lindsay. We are rather bored by all of this, so no more Lohan until she comes up with some new material. This wasted, obnoxious, "exhausted" routine is so played out.

Looney Tune Tuesday

Colin Farrell has been granted a restraining order against Dessarae Bradford after she approached him while he was taping the Tonight Show on Thursday. The woman walked right up to Colin on the stage and handed Jay Leno a self-published "book" called Colin Farrell: A Dark Twisted Puppy. The 31-year-old from New Jersey lives in Los Angeles, was a former phone sex operator and now fancies herself a singer. You can hear her song, "Colin Farrell Is My Bitch" at http://www.myspace.com/46210107 [Editor's note: Lyrics are definitely not suitable for work]. Regardless if she did that to Alec Baldwin or she's just batshit crazy, she gets an A for effort. We haven't seen a mess this hot since Whitney.

Justin Brings Sexy Back To Summer

Today is a big day for Justin Timberlake as he debuts his video for "SexyBack" on MTV which you can catch at 11 tonight. The song is in heavy rotation on the New York radio stations and has a hot beat that you will never be able to get out of your head. We're talking three days and you're still hearing it. You've been warned.

A Decade Of Difference

Two of the American Pie sweethearts have re-emerged with 10 miles of hard road to show for their journeys. Natasha Lyonne has been battling heroin addiction in Malibu while Tara Reid has been fueling her substance abuse problems in Miami. Natasha is poised for a comeback if she stays clean. Tara? Not so much. Let the games begin.

Brits Behaving Badly

Naomi was sued again in NYC, Pete squirted syringe blood at MTV,

Kate tried to hurt photogs with a kick, and Pete gave a girl's arm a heroin prick.

He then was arrested on two different planes, In his court-ordered rehab he's making no gains.

Naomi was arrested for "breach of the peace," Her dosage of valium needs to increase.

Now Kate has more modeling contracts than ever, Perhaps bad behavior is really quite clever.

Lindsay Needs A Time-Out

This week Lindsay Lohan's Blackberry password was used to send "disgusting and very mean messages that everyone thought were coming from Lindsay. They weren't. We now have her lawyers looking into it. Some people think Paris may have been involved because the wording of the messages sounds very familiar," said her rep, Leslie Sloane Zelnick. Hilton's rep denied her involvement, adding that he was "sorry this happened to Lindsay," and that he "lived through this when Paris' sidekick was hacked into." Meanwhile Lohan's ProActive TV commercial is in full rotation and hopefully the $2 million she received for it will last, as the damage to her reputation is immeasurable. In recent interviews she readily offers too much information about how her breasts are real and how she doesn't do cocaine because her father did. Just shut up already.

Music Makin' Mallrats

Samantha Cole (blonde) confirmed that she dated Peter Cook ten years ago when she was 19 years old and he was 37. Only a month after she said no to his marriage proposal, he became engaged to Christie Brinkley. Diana Bianchi (brunette) was his most recent girlfriend and coincidentally, both women are wannabe singers. Diana is planning on testifying in the divorce proceedings in which over $60 million is at stake. Something tells us Peter has a very small penis and tries to make up for it by appearing powerful and rich to young girls. Either that or he's completely insane.

I Wanna Be A Muthaf#ckin' Fashion Star

Tonight's episode of Project Runway features "American Royalty" and what appears to be a challenge with the designers teaming up. There is quite a controversy surrounding last week's challenge winner, Keith Michael, and his entry sketches to get on the show as they are exact copies of Spring '06 looks, only in different colors. Cheaters never win and winners never cheat. We thought Michael Knight from the ATL (he's very hip-hop out of Atlanta) should have won the challenge with his cute dress made from coffee filters but the judges aren't feeling him as of yet. He had the best aside quote which we used for the title of this post. Michael, in our eyes you already are.

The Dream Is Over

Justin Timberlake's new single "Sexyback" is getting serious radioplay and JT is working hard promoting his sophomore album. In recent interviews he has admitted getting plastered and using drugs and randomly talked about how cigarettes are more addictive than heroin. The influence of his on-again girlfriend, Cameron Diaz, and the need to appear edgy may have something to do with that. He also mentioned Brit Brit: "When we initially parted ways, I felt like she had a couple of opportunities to just sort of stick up for me, and she didn't." Justin and Britney had been friends since childhood so her lack of loyalty apparently sealed the deal and led to their estrangement. Her cheating probably didn't help either. Now there is not a snowball's chance in hell that she'll ever win him back, but at least she has his former back-up dancer to keep her company. Hallelujah.

Brit's Website Is Freakin' Us Out

Brit Brit never ceases to surprise us, but now we're getting a little worried about the poor girl. What the f#ck is she talking about? Someone needs to get ahold of Mama Spears and quick. Girlfriend has lost her mind.

Run, Carmen, Run!

It has been a busy day for the girls of Baywatch. Carmen Electra and her husband of two and a half years are divorcing which we think is a blessing as Dave Navarro is extremely icky. They had a reality show called Till Death Do Us Part that chronicled the preparation for their wedding and he was just really nasty and incredibly weird. He takes an hour to get ready everyday. He wears a ton of make-up and curls his hair and it's all just so eewwww. Apparently he's been dating socialite Sarah Howard for the past five months although she would call it 'slumming.' Before he got together with Carmen, he was just some guy from Jane's Addiction and spent three years with the Red Hot Chili Peppers. No not Flea. Not Anthony Kiedis. The other one. Yeah, that was Dave Navarro. Good riddance.

Meeting Of The Minds

Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock are getting married on July 29 on a yacht in Saint Tropez. They were engaged a few years ago so it's not like her wedding to Tommy Lee that happened three days after they met, but she does explain on her website that it is spontaneous. Ya think?
She wrote:

I’m Getting Remarried!!! Yes. I’m finally getting remarried…it’s been a whirlwind…spontaneous but well thought through. Feels like I’ve been stuck in a time warp. Not able to let go of MY family picture…it’s been sad and lonely and frustrating….I’ve raised my kids alone in hope of a miracle. Well my miracle came and went. And came back and came back because he knew that I’d wake up one day and realize that I was waiting for nothing. I’m moving on…I feel like I’m finally free….I’m in love. I’m happy….I see the light…sounds dramatic but it’s true…..I know some women can relate to this….My children are getting older. They know the truth and they are strong, smart kids. They love their Dad. They love their new Step Dad who they’ve known for years…time will pass. Wounds will heal. Some people may never grow up. Actions speak louder than words….watch!

The Similarities Are Endless

Dave Navarro and Tommy Lee started a band together with a guy from Guns-n-Roses and on Rock Star Supernova, they make comments about potential lead singers for their group. Dave usually says, "AWESOME!!" and Tommy asks the females to marry him. Lord knows how they ended up on CBS, or how Tommy Lee was given his own reality show last year, Tommy Lee Goes To College. MTV, yes. But CBS? Random. Maybe it has something to do with the infamous honeymoon sex tape. We digress. Not only were both guys married to Baywatch babes, but they also were drug addicts, alcoholics, and both wrote books with writer Neil Strauss. Now they both like to French Kiss in public. With each other.

Delusion Of The Day

Brandon Davis is quietly making the rounds getting his waste on in L.A. after spending a few weeks in Malibu. Unfortunately for him, however, he was photographed kissing Paris Hilton whom his grandmother will definitely not approve of, considering she has herpes and is a porn-star. Speaking of Paris, she gave an interview to the Sunday Times of London and said, "There's nobody in the world like me. I think every decade has an iconic blonde - like Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana - and right now, I'm that icon." The statement is so disturbing in so many ways, we're not sure where to begin. In fact, we just plain give up. You win, Paris.

Conspiracy Theory

Katie Holmes, or Kate as Tom has renamed her, has been spending most of her time at his home in Telluride, Colorado with her Scientology friend and some version of a baby named Suri. After three months, the baby still has not been seen by anyone, not even John Travolta or any of the Scientards. Meanwhile in the sane world, the fake pregnancy/adopted baby story is gaining steam and Andrew Morton has just begun the writing phase of his Tom Cruise tell-all. All we really want to know....why on earth did Kate get her hair cut like that? It must be a Xenu thing.

Oh Canada

Congrats to Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley on their marriage which took place on Saturday near Santa Barbara. She is 21 and was best known during her reign as skater-punk singer for wearing tank-tops with men's neckties and for sticking her tongue out every time she was photographed. [Aside to our readers: please do not make funny faces for the camera past the age of 20 and never, ever, ever do it at a wedding]. Deryck is 26 and the lead singer of the band Sum 41. The couple hails from Canada, hence the French spelling of their names. Best wishes, eh?

Havoc In The Hamptons

Christie Brinkley has filed for divorce from her husband of ten years, Peter Cook, after he took up with a 19-year-old. Diana Bianchi, worked in a toy store that Cook frequented with his two children in Southampton, and he hired her as his assistant at his architectural firm where the affair began. When her police officer stepfather found out, he confronted Cook and the affair ended with Bianchi moving to Brooklyn. They rekindled the romance, the stepfather told Brinkley and yadda, yadda, yadda. The girl's family is claiming she was seduced, but if you are over 18 and you sleep with a married man, you are a whore. The girl says Cook used to give her large amounts of cash and bought her a car for which she traded sex. A whore is as a whore does.

Buh-Bye, Y'All

As we bid adieu to our beloved Manhattan, Brit-Brit was cutting her losses in the city so nice they named it twice. After putting her New York condo on the market in 2004 for $6 mil and receiving no bids, she finally dropped the price to $4 mil and sold it last week. This seems like a random move for someone that is allegedly worth $100 mil, as Manhattan real estate will never depreciate and she's in the city enough to warrant a pad there. The apartment also has an impressive resume, previously being owned by Keith Richards and Russell Simmons. Perhaps she's angry with New York after her restaurant debacle, but the more likely scenario is that K-Fed is burning through her money faster than she could have imagined and dare we say it? She's preparing for September.

Make It Work

Our favorite summer show starts tonight on Bravo and as we are out and about in Manhattan this week, it may be some time before we can recap it for you all. Heidi is pregnant again so we can look forward to her fierce maternity-wear as well as Tim Gunn's brutal honesty. If you're near the Four Seasons Hotel, drop in for a cocktail with us. Cheers!

Summer Lovin', Had Me A Blast

Lindsay has been dating Harry Morton of the Hard Rock Hotel family for a full seven days now. Take that, Wilmer.

Holy Therapy Bill

Pam Anderson spent most of last week in Saint Tropez lounging on a yacht with her sons and former fiancee, Kid Rock. Now, we're all for getting a tan but for a mother and her girlfriend to walk around topless with a 10-year-old boy is pushing the boundaries of sensible taste. And yes, that's what Pammy did with her son. And yes, there are photos.

Lovehandles Are So Street

We didn't bother to write about K-Fed's first single, "PopoZao" because it was all too pathetic. The song is him saying PopoZao (poh-poh-zow) over and over again and the word isn't even English, it means something in Portuguese. See? Pathetic. So now K-Fed is claiming that he punk'd us all with that song and said, "At first, when I put out PopoZao, people were kinda laughing at me. I did it on purpose so people would look at me exactly the way they did. That way, when I come out with my real shit, people are f*cking blown away." You know what, Kev? We already are blown away. We are absolutely amazed that someone as ignorant as you can actually still be alive and reproducing. Everyday that you're not involved in a Crystal-Meth-Cooking-Explosion is another day that we are in awe. So bring on your real raps but keep the trailer door open. Those fumes are combustible.

Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty

Just as we had reached the point of becoming nauseous at the very thought of Tom Cruise, he wisely removed himself from the media machine. He made an appearance on a train in Japan to promote Mission Impossible 3 and quietly went into seclusion, a long overdue departure. The tabloids, however, are not letting him off that easy and are all asking "Where is Suri?" and suggesting that the baby doesn't actually exist. On top of that, the South Park episode Trapped In The Closet was just nominated for an Emmy Award despite Tom's efforts to make sure no one sees it. The episode only aired once in the U.S. and was not shown in the UK at all, after Cruise threatened Paramount that he would not do publicity on MI:3 (Viacom owns Paramount and Comedy Central). The show focuses on Scientology in all its crazy glory with Tom Cruise refusing to come out of Stan's closet. Camp Crazy Cruise is already preparing the spin on the win and we anticipate the TomKat wedding will take place the weekend of August 27th when the Emmy Awards air. Mark your calendars.

Pirates Crush Spiderman

The opening of 'Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest' set a new box-office record this weekend taking in $132 million and making Johnny Depp the biggest movie star in the world. In related news, Johnny's ex-fiancee, Winona Ryder, has just been put on suicide watch.

Another Boy For The Gladiator

Russell Crowe and wife Danielle Spencer welcomed son number two yesterday in Sydney. The new baby is named Tennyson Spencer Crowe after the English poet Alfred Lord Tennyson. Tenny joins 2-year-old brother Charlie in the family home which is void of telephones. And Meg Ryan movies.

The House That TV Built

The widow of Aaron Spelling wasted no time in putting his beloved mansion up for sale following his passing. The family has just concluded sitting shivah in the home and Candy already put it on the market for $150 million. First Tori, now Candy. Even in the wonderful world of television, money can't buy class.

Brand Spanking New Couples

James Blunt, the British singer of "You're Beautiful," and Petra Nemcova, the supermodel that was caught in last year's Tsunami, are a cute new couple. Nemcova's boyfriend was killed in the Tsunami while they were on vacation and she was very badly injured. Thankfully she has made a full recovery and is now spending time with a lovely young man (we saw him on Oprah). Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy have also been quietly dating for some time now, and we are pretty sure that she was the lead angel in wings accompanying him when he received his Achievement Award at the MTV Movie Awards. Here's to hoping they all live happily ever after. Cheers.

The New Mr. & Mrs. Hollywood

Vince Vaughn proposed to Jennifer Aniston in Paris and they are making plans for the wedding which will take place this year. We are officially declaring Vaughniston the new "it" couple. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

A New Low For Chad Lowe

As if being married to an Oscar winner twice over wasn't tough enough, now Hilary Swank is opening up about her ex-husband's "substance abuse problem." In the August issue of Vanity Fair, Swank says that Chad's problem played a part in the undoing of their marriage. "It's an enormous obstacle to overcome and he's doing it. He's living a sober life. I know how difficult it is and I'm really proud of his sobriety." Something tells us the problem began after her first Oscar acceptance speech when she thanked everyone on earth but her husband.

Happy Fourth Of July!

As English royalty go, Posh and Becks are the people's choice. As we celebrate our independence today we must acknowledge our friends across the pond without whom none of this would be possible. If we did not have taxation without representation, there would be no fireworks, barbecues or copious amounts of drinking. We commiserate with Becks on his team's loss to Portugal in the quarter finals but commend him on his goal against Ecuador that led his team to that point. As England learned back in 1776, you win some and you lose some.

Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It

Hours after producer Dallas Austin told the court that he was guilty of smuggling cocaine but didn't know that he had it with him, the ruler of Dubai has given him a get out of jail free card. Austin was sentenced to four years in prison earlier today and Sheik Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum pardoned the producer who has worked with Michael Jackson, TLC and Madonna. We're wondering if Michael Jackson's announcement that he would be moving to Europe (probably Germany where he has tons of fans) and leaving The United Arab Emirates has anything to do with the decision. Either way, this guy is one lucky bastard.

I Look Way Too Good

This morning at 6:30, Lil' Kim was released from prison (early for good behavior). A large crowd of fans greeted her as she jumped into her limo headed to what will be the best 4th of July she's ever had. Pizzle in the Hizzle.

Happy 20th Birthday Lindsay!

Little Miss Lindsay celebrated her birthday with a Great Gatsby themed dinner with friends last night. Only one more year until she can get into clubs and start enjoying cocktails.