I'm Santa's Helper, Y'all

The last sighting of Brit Brit in New York was Friday night, and she has reportedly flown to Louisiana to be with her family. Her first ex-husband Jason Alexander gave interviews regarding the split saying, "Kevin hasn't really held up his end of the deal, just like he didn't in his first relationship with Shar [Jackson]. Now, he's got four kids out there. It just seems like he's been focused on the wrong things. If I had a wife who was one of the richest women out there, I would be at home with my kids taking care of them, letting her do her thing. I think I'm a lot more respectful than Kevin is. I put my priorities first. I still love her a lot." He told Extra, "I don't hate the guy. ... I think he made an idiot of himself. The only thing he's done since they've been married is spend money. He won't get the kids ... he can't take care of his first two." Speaking of the first two, Shar Jackson said that while the Fedster does not pay child support, "he does pay for their school, and they go to a very expensive private school." Considering the kids are 4 and 2, we can't imagine the school is all that expensive. Wasting no time, Brit Brit put the Malibu house she bought after the wedding on the market for $13.5 million. She purchased it for $6.5 million so even if she has to split the sale with Kevin, she's not losing too much. Except possibly her mind. That would explain the tragic ensemble above.

News From The North

The Vancouver film set of Blonde and Blonder featuring Pam Anderson and Denise Richards attracted its fair share of attention last week. No, Denise didn't steal Pammy's husband, but she did throw a photographer's laptop over a balcony which landed on an 80-year-old woman in a wheelchair. Ouch. The woman was only mildly injured and Richards' spokesperson said the incident was blown out of proportion. Sadly, Anderson made an announcement of her own this week confirming that she suffered a miscarriage. The 39-year-old was eight weeks pregnant.

The 'See You Next Tuesday' Word

We tried to make it through the week without a post about Lindsay Lohan but we have failed miserably, so here goes. Tuesday there was the appearance on Oprah to promote Bobby which looks like a great film, despite Lohan's involvement. Oprah brought up the party-girl image, Lohan said she "hates that word," and then her usual, "Is it a crime to go out?" blah, blah, blah. Oprah asked director Emilio Estevez if Lindsay was on-time to set and he said she did a great job. William H. Macy described it differently back in August, but Estevez was clearly trying to keep the focus on the film. At 2 am on Tuesday morning Lohan got in another car accident while leaving LA club Hyde, which is crash number 3 for her within the last 18 months. She was not injured and went out the next night. And the next night. Basically every night this week she was out sullying her image. When asked her thoughts on the Britney divorce she said, "I didn't even know that, actually...I really don't care." Please, she didn't know. Osama bin Laden knows, and he lives in a cave. The biggest story this week for Lohan was her use of the "c" word in describing her friend, Paris Hilton. Of course this was caught on film for all to see and even garnered an Associated Press headline. They say that even negative publicity is good publicity, but we're thinking in Lohan's case...not so much.

*Video contains harsh language, specifically the "c" word

Listen Up, Ryan And K-Fed

To the left, to the left. Everything you own in a box to the left. Beyonce rocks.

*Don't adjust your speakers - the song starts 20 seconds into the video

Ed Bradley 1941-2006

Sunday evenings just won't be the same. Ed Bradley died yesterday at the age of 65 after a long battle with leukemia. In 1972, Mr. Bradley was wounded while covering the Vietnam War and went on to become the first African-American White House Correspondent for CBS News. During a career that included 26 years on 60 Minutes, Bradley received 19 Emmy awards including one for lifetime achievement in 2003. Yesterday, President Bush called him "one of the most accomplished journalists of our time." Bradley leaves behind his wife Patricia.

Focus On Fedster

The Fedster had a busy day yesterday as he filed his own papers for divorce and "performed" at the House of Blues in Chicago. In his divorce filing he is asking the court for legal and physical custody of the kids, spousal support, and that Brit Brit be required to pay all of his attorney fees and costs. Hot off the heels of selling 6,500 albums last week, the Fedster continues his tour. And that was not 65,000 units, it was 6,500. As a debut, that is very, very bad. Even Paris Hilton sold 75,000 copies of her whatever you want to call it. As expected, not too many people showed up even though the tickets were free. Yes, free. At least in New York there was the rumor that his wife would be there, now it is just hecklers. Some of K-Fed's more memorable quotes of the evening were, "Hey, I see a lot of fine ladies in here. You know I'm a free man, right, ladies? You wanna dance with a pimp?" followed up by, "Smoke chronic like my ex-wife does." Before Kevin makes his way over to The Surreal Life on VHI we suspect he's going to put up one hell of a fight. While Britney has probably cut him off from his money source, he has to go on stage every night and rap the following lyrics: "carrying 10 G's in my pocket, 5 in my hand...fill the Lamborghini up with shopping bags...Who told this bastard that he can't rap? I got 50 mil, I can do whatever I want!" Um, not anymore pumpkin.

Dannielynn Dramarama

Anna Nicole Smith was released from the hospital yesterday where she was recovering from pneumonia. Uh huh. Coincidentally she came down with it on the day before she was to vacate the house she's been living in. Her rep or lawyer or whoever said that there were some winds in the Bahamas causing her to be ill. Uh huh. While Anna has been playing sick, her former friend spilled the beans, and we're guessing she saved the Blackberry text messages to back it all up. Laurie Payne stated in court documents that, 'Anna admitted to her in phone calls and instant messages that Larry Birkhead is the father of her daughter. Additionally, Payne stated that Smith was taking both methadone and Xanax during the time of her pregnancy.' Payne went on, "I asked her why she did not just go into a relationship with Stern, to which (Anna Nicole) responded, 'EWWW...GROSS!!! No way!! I would never!'" Anna's late son was also mentioned in the court documents as Payne described this exchange: Stern began to tease Anna Nicole's son Daniel "about being a 19-year-old virgin...Daniel looked at Stern and stated, 'I don't know why you're worried about me, you've been around my mother for 12 years and haven't had any p*ssy either." In other Anna news, Larry Birkhead posted a letter to his daughter on his website. DannieLynn has yet to respond.

Dannielynn,
Daddy is still hanging in there. I went to Disneyland with some friends thinking it would cheer me up, but I couldn't help but thinking after seeing all of the kids, what it would be like to take you there one day. Just when I started to have a good time, It made me very sad to see all of those happy families because I still can not believe you were stolen from me. Why am I not able to be happy like the other families? I constantly wonder what kind of person would steal a child from another. I thought at first maybe because your brother was taken from your mom was the reason, but then I realized she started planning on keeping you from me all the way back in May because I was concerned about you. It's up to the legal system now and my attorney to get you to me, your real dad. I hope you are home for Christmas. The holidays just wouldn't be the same without you. I am ready to fight anyone and everyone that gets in my way. One day, you will thank me for fighting for you when others expected me to just walk away.
LOVE,
DAD

Nicholas Scott Lachey

It was 33 years ago today that Nick Lachey was born in Harlan, Kentucky. Just so you know.

Busted By Blackberry

The separation of Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe kicked into divorce mode yesterday when Reese filed papers in Los Angeles. She is seeking physical custody of their two children and exclusive use of the family residence. Earlier this week Ryan released this statement, "I'm not a perfect person, but I'm not guilty of a lot of the things I have been accused of. My priority is and always has been the health and safety of my family." We're assuming he is referring to the affair he supposedly had with his co-star Abbie Cornish (above). The 23-year-old Australian actress is hyped to be the next Nicole Kidman and has yet to comment on her rumored home-wrecking abilities. The story is that Reese found out about the affair on the night of Ryan's movie premiere when she read the text messages that he and Abby had been exchanging. "I'm not a perfect person" should be read as, "I'm not very bright and wish I'd never gotten the stupid Blackberry in the first place."

Britney and Kevin: The Sex Tape

Just as the news that Britney filed for divorce hit the tickers yesterday, the Fedster played his ace card. Mysteriously, 19 seconds of the infamous sex tape were sent to a website for worldwide distribution, and Kevin has proven how low he can go. Last week, Brit's $10 million lawsuit against US Weekly for defamation was dismissed. In October 2005, the mag ran a story about the sex tape saying that Brit was worried it would get out and that she and K-Fed had "acted goofy" while watching the tape with their lawyers. In December 2005, she sued them claiming, "There was no laughter, disgust or goofy behavior while watching the video in the company of lawyers because they did not watch any video, and because there is no such video." Considering they taped most of their lives for their reality show, the idea that a sex tape exists is plausible. Kevin probably told her he erased the footage and then held onto it for just this occasion. So while Brit Brit was ice-skating in New York with former manager Larry Rudolph, the Fedster was planning his film debut. His parents must be so proud.

Britney and Kevin: The Papers

The divorce papers filed yesterday by Brit Brit cite the date of separation as Monday, November 6th. The exact moment it happened was caught on tape during a day-long interview that the Fedster was doing to promote the album. Brit Brit followed that up with a surprise appearance on the Letterman show where she looked amazing in a short black dress. The actual paperwork was filed yesterday in Los Angeles with Brit seeking legal and physical custody of the kids. The date of marriage is October 6th, 2004 which is three weeks after their wedding ceremony. Thankfully during those weeks, the pre-nup was being worked out. While the exact details of the agreement are sketchy, the latest reports have Brit giving the Fedster $30,000 a month for half the duration of the marriage, which works out to $375,000. Kevin has undoubtedly spent all the money he "made" during the marriage so he might want to think about getting a real job. Taco Bell is hiring.

Britney and Kevin: The Final Days

We all know that Kevin is a big stoner idiot, that's a given. But his behavior in New York this past weekend was at a low, even by his standards. First off, the Fedster was a no-show for dinner with Britney on Thursday. Brit Brit sat crying at her table at the Library restaurant with her bodyguard. Then Fedster refused to let Britney bring their sons to rehearsals for his concert. Friday night he had a release party at Stereo where he hung with his posse until 3 am while his wife was home with the kids. By Saturday, Fedster was staying at the Doubletree, separate from his wife and kids at the Regency. Saturday night was his nearly cancelled concert at Webster Hall where only 100 people showed up to the venue that accommodates 1600. While the people didn't boo him like in Los Angeles on Tuesday, it wasn't much of a show. At one point he led the audience in a "F*uck You K-Fed" chant. He was supposed to perform a second set at 11 pm, but told the audience at 1:35 am that the show was over because of "equipment trouble." He went on to say, "Everyone get drunk! That's what I'm going to do." We're no experts here, but getting drunk rather than trying to make up for your bad behavior is not the best course of action. Had he apologized to his wife and begged forgiveness, we would probably be blogging about Lohan's latest car accident right now.

Who's Laughing Now, Fedster?

Just one week after the release of his rap album, Britney Spears has filed for divorce from husband Kevin Federline. Wow. We predicted a September split, but November, September, close enough. The important thing is that our little Brit Brit has seen the light. The couple's pre-nup gives Kevin $300,000 for each year they were married so he shouldn't be too upset. He can buy a lot of cheetos and weed with $600 grand.

Tommy Boy Gets It Together

The "Kat" half of TomKat seems to be having a positive influence on the "Tom" half. Katie, and Tom's extraordinary love for her, was the straw that broke the couch but things are looking better as their wedding approaches. Tom and his producing partner Paula Wagner just signed on with United Artists after being fired by Sumner Redstone over at Paramount. Redstone explained his actions in Vanity Fair by saying, "[Tom] was embarrassing the studio. And he was costing us a lot of money...Paula [my wife], like women everywhere, had come to hate him. The truth of the matter is, I did listen to her...His behavior was entirely unacceptable to Paula and to the rest of the world. He just didn't turn one [woman] off. He turned off all women, and a lot of men...When did I decide [to fire him]? I don't know. When he was on the Today show? When he was jumping on a couch at Oprah? He changed his handler, you know, to his sister - not a good idea." As for Cruise, he already has three projects lined up for next year. The first is an independent film called Lions for Lambs about troops in Afghanistan, and we're hoping it will be his comeback vehicle. We loved his performance in the independent film Magnolia for which he received an Oscar nomination. We look forward to a time when the name Tom Cruise conjures up images of great acting instead of scary Scientology. Is that too much to ask?

Koo-Koo Kanye Kracks Up

There was a time when it was said that people from other countries other than the United States had an image of us as being rather boastful. Conceited, if you will, because of where we lived. After several years in the City, living with over 8 million New Yorkers from all over the world, we grew confident that the "I'm so great because I'm an American" notion had disappeared into relative obscurity. And then came Kanye West. Always a boastful young chap, Kanye has had a history of making headlines with his off the cuff remarks, but this time he really went too far and made a fool of himself. And the rest of us are guilty by association. Dude, you're at the MTV Europe Video Music Awards. You're from Chicago. Represent. Seems easy, right? Nope. He couldn't be happy with the Best Hip-Hop Artist Award and smile for the cameras. He had to make a big scene AND make international news. As the band called Justice and Simian accepted their award for Best Video of the Year, Kanye West ran up on the stage and grabbed the microphone. He then launched into a tirade filled with swear words and proclaimed that he should have won the award because his video "cost a million dollars, Pamela Anderson was in it. I was jumping across canyons. If I don't win, the awards show loses credibility." Dear God. Someone put a muzzle on this guy.

They're Bringin' Crazy Back

We've said it before, we'll say it again. Thank you MySpace for allowing people to convey their crazy. In the case of Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker, their MySpace blogs let us in on how tragic the all-caps, all-italicized modes of communication can be. The occasional use of capital letters and/or italics can serve to provide emphasis. See how occasional is emphasized? Proper spelling is not just for college grads anymore. Attached has no t before the c, Travis, and separation has 2 a's, not 2 e's, for you Shanna. As long as you have to separate, you might as well know how to spell it. The dueling blog entries follow.

SOMEBODY SENT A MESSAGE AND A FLYER WAS ATTATCHED (I POSTED IT BELOW). SHANNA IS HAVING A DIVORCE PARTY FOR HERSELF IN CELEBRATION OF OUR FAILED MARRIAGE APPARENTLY….. THIS IS THE SAME WIFE THAT EMAILED ME TO TELL ME SHE WOULD BE SLEEPING WITH HER NEW BOYFRIEND IN MY BED THE DAY OF OUR ANNIVERSARY 2 DAYS AGO SO THIS DOESN’T COME AS A SHOCK. AND THE SAME PERSON WHO IS MAKING “I LOVE SHANNA” SHIRTS FOR PEOPLE TO BUY, IN SUPPORT OF ALL THIS AND PLAYING THE VICTIM, IT SADDENS ME PEOPLE AND EVEN BRINGS ON THE URGE TO PUKE, HOPE IT DOES YOU AS WELL. IM GONNA SAY A LONG PRAYER FOR HER, SHE NEEDS IT. THERE ISN’T A PART OF SHANNA AND I AND THE FACT OUR MARRIAGE FAILED THAT I COULD BE CELEBRATING OR HAPPY ABOUT EVEN AFTER ALL OF THIS TIME IT WAS OUR FAMILY…IT WAS ALL WE HAD……I MEAN A PARTY??? WHAT DOESN’T KILL ME MAKES ME STRONGER:) GOODNIGHT AND MAY THE FORCE BE WITH U….STAR WARS IS ON AND THIS IS NOW IN THE PAST. HOPE SHANNA’S PARTY IS EVERYTHING SHE COULD HOPE 4.

"First and foremost, I find playing a seperation out in the public arena not only immature, but quite frankly in poor taste, BUT I feel I have to stand up for myself at this point. Airing dirty laundry is not a hard task, it doesn't take any skill on putting your ex's personal business or faults out in the public. It doesnt take a lot of skill to LIE to make others look bad. I do not conveniently and for my best interest edit and leave huge parts of the stories out. I have since tried to take the high road and turn the other cheek even when my soon to be ex was verbally bashing me on the Internet, in the media and flaunting his spiteful and vindictive relationships in my face. I am NOT the one running around the world with the town drug obsessed clown who is the epitome of everything I claim I am NOT! I have been forced to defend myself, my character and my morals and values all the while still not putting my ex on blast. Travis has made our marriage and all that we stood for a joke at this point with his actions and creative story telling and I will find it very hard to ever forgive him. I have no problems going to Vegas and celebrating a day that wasn't the end of my life, but the beginning, beside being mentally and verbally abused in my marriage, I sat home alone ignored and disrespected and I still wasn't the one who left because I took my vows seriously and they actually meant something to me! This is not a new concept, infact this has nothing to do with me having a party in Vegas at all and my ex knows that. I will not after this day spend another ounce of energy defending myself to a camp of people whose motives are to LIE and knock others down when they find happiness. At the end of the day, I have had many accomplishments BEFORE my marriage and I'll have many more after, I moved to california to become an actress when I was 19! I've worked hard, I feel blessed to have the opportunities that I have and I don't feel an ounce of guilt for taking them. I'm sorry that my ex feels I am beneath him as a person, as a woman and that I am not worthy of him and his band of flunkys, I guess i will have to live with that."

The town drug obsessed clown. Brilliant.

Paranoia Self Destroya

It has been over a month since we've checked in with Lindsay Lohan so what's the trainwreck been up to? Well it seems like a whole lot of partying. Oh, and some interviews with random magazines. First there was this quote, "I want to get married before I'm 30. And have my house. And make the kind of record I want. And I'd like to win an Oscar before then. Owning a house will make me very proud. I need a place to call home, to feel it's mine. I love to cook. My grandmother is Italian. I'm pretty practical. I'm a very domestic person." By domestic she means that she boils water and throws pasta in it and then asks for a medal. In an effort to show her maturity and attract a husband she said, "Sex And The City changed everything for me because those girls would just sleep with so many people. And that’s me. I’m not dating just one person." She went on to say that she's attracted to guys that don't drink, smoke, or do other things. Apparently she does enough "other things" for everyone. Her behavior continues to garner negative attention and it's definitely time for her to take a break. Last weekend she had a mini-meltdown at 6:45 in the morning after a night of partying. She was in her Escalade near the dog park at Olive and Sunset in Hollywood freaking out and called a guy over that was walking his dog. She told him that two men in a Silver Toyota 4Runner had been following her for two hours and were trying to hit her car. The man told TMZ that "she seemed out of it," and had obviously been up all night, and her crying had made her mascara run all down her face. Lohan told the man, "I've called the cops, but the cops can't catch them." Then the 4Runner appeared on the street and Lohan hit the gas and took off. The sad thing is that the men were paparazzi and had their cameras clearly in view. Time to lay off the drugs, sweetie. Seriously.

Madonna Ups Her Freak Factor

Madonna is continuing her talk show tour, hitting the morning shows to talk about the adoption of little baby David. The focus is now on racism as she explains that people come up to her on the street and ask her why she adopted a baby that has a different skin color than her. She goes on to explain that she doesn't see color. Um, then why the f*ck do you keep talking about it? She mentioned the race issue on Oprah and now again. And seriously, who are these "people" that are going up to a stranger and asking that? It's not like she lives in a trailer park in Redneck City, Alabama in the 1950's. It seems that Madonna is the only person bringing up the issue. It's like when people say, "I'm totally not racist." Or when people go on about how they don't do drugs or are not promiscuous. Only those that are guilty feel the need to defend themselves. The protests are a dead giveaway. Hopefully Guy Ritchie will assume most of the parenting responsibilities for their kids as Madonna is more wacked than usual these days. Conveniently she's promoting her latest Kaballah kids' book during her TV appearances. She needs to stop now. Please.

The New Delhi Daily

Brangelina may be in India, but their crazy hijinks are all over the American tabloids. In this week alone they have threatened to file two totally unrelated lawsuits. Oh, and Brad complained that a crew trespassed, but anyway here goes....So this guy comes out of Cambodia where Maddox was adopted and claims that Angelina didn't deliver on a pledged charity contribution there. Lawsuit number one. The charity advisor for Brangelina has said that they know this guy misrepresented funds and they are looking to sue him. Booooring. Now for the good stuff. Brad Pitt sat for a photographer in 2005 who then sold the rights to all of his photos to Vanity Fair to do with as they pleased. Well, they pleased to put Brad in his underwear on the cover of the December issue. VF says they notified Brad that they were using the shot for the photo, he says they didn't. His rep says she seriously questions the integrity and motives of Vanity Fair. Hello? We're not talking The New Yorker here. Integrity? Please. Don't sign the release form for a photo shoot if you don't want the photos to be used. Hollywood 101. Also this week in Brangelina Baby news, Angelina is preggers again. Allegedly. Last week she fainted twice and it was blamed on the emotional toll of a scene she was filming. Whatever, she's totally pregs. An eyewitness at the hotel she's staying at said she is always draping a scarf over her midsection and wearing outfits similar to what she wore when she was first pregnant with Shiloh. The other report is that they are looking to adopt an Indian boy under the age of 18 months old. Apparently Brad wants to even out the score in the brood: two boys, two girls. While these are all rumors, Pitt's new film Babel, is garnering attention as an Oscar favorite. Stay tuned for next week when Brangelina will be giving birth to twins, adopting seven Indian children and suing three more people. And we forgot to mention that they aren't getting married until gay people are allowed to marry. That one is true. They really said that.

Queen Of The Night

Whitney Houston attended the Carousel of Hope Ball on Saturday as the guest of her mentor Clive Davis, an honoree at the event. She was gorgeous in a dress by Armani and told reporters, "I feel great." Davis told USA Today, "She's been through emotional trauma, and everybody's rooting for her. We're going to make a killer album." As long as she stays close to Davis and away from bad influences, hers may be the greatest comeback story of all time. She officially filed for divorce from Brown a few weeks ago and is seeking full custody of their daughter. Brown is reportedly filming another season of Being Bobby Brown, but the show's popularity was due to his wife's involvement so a solo effort will be short-lived, if it ever makes it on TV. We're guessing he will be back in jail shortly.