Mika No Likey Paris

Not only did NBC pull out of the interview with Paris Hilton, but a journalist on MSNBC really took a stand against the insanity of it all. Enjoy.

At Least She's Brilliant

We'll start out by letting you all know that we love Amy Winehouse's cd, "Back To Black." Amy's publicist? Not so much. A writer from Spin magazine watched as Amy carved "I love Blake" into her stomach during the interview. She also went to the bathroom several times to check her nose. Sometimes it's okay to cancel interviews with the press and that's why publicists get paid. At this rate, they're bound to be the new Kate Moss and Pete Doherty, except for they're already married and no heroin is involved, that we're aware of. Oh, and she's incredibly talented. And younger than Kate. Okay, so they're totally different but they're all British. So there.

Top Of The Muffin To You

Brit really needs to find herself a gay male friend. This is really getting ridiculous. She goes out for coffee wearing the above. Did we forget this little conversation, Britney? The Daisy Dukes definitely do not work for you. Stop.
Her night on the town was even more tragic, and frankly we're at a loss for words. This seems like intervention time with this, and she's back to dying her weaves herself. Not good.
Notice she has a pair of jeans on her lap that she could be holding in front of her face, but she chooses to show her nasty looking whatever that's called. Attention much?
Love the muffin-top.

Cuckoo For Kokomo

Blackie is all sorts of confused and was sent home from Australia following this interview. Who knew John Stamos was such a lush?

The Dog Stays In The Picture

Congratulations to Tiger Woods and his wife on the birth of their daughter Sam Alexis. Mazel Tov.

Rosie Needs A Break From Blogging

Rosie O'Donnell is calling this photo of her daughter Vivienne (draped in live ammunition) "art." We're no experts on art, although we would really like to see the 60's exhibit at the Whitney, but that's besides the point. What is our point again? Oh...so Rosie posted this photo on her blog which we can only imagine is some sort of message about Iraq. We get it, Rosie. You're very, very, very opposed to the war and to President Bush. We're all in agreement on that, but inflicting irreparable damage on the psyche of your adorable daughter will not help anyone. Least of all, poor Vivi. We happen to think you may be heading dangerously close to a dark spot and should really talk to your therapist about your medication. When we say dark, we're referring to the crazy lesbian haircut (which you have admitted was a huge mistake and scared your children) and the waste of millions on that Broadway flop starring Boy George. We don't remember what it was called, but we do know it bombed. Sort of like Broadway's version of Gigli. Or Glitter. We definitely don't want to go there again. Please.

Spread The Word

This is why kids should stay in school. Oh, and Paris is free.

Brad Just Thought She Smoked Weed

The resumed heroin habit of Angelina Jolie is now an accepted fact amongst the gossip columnists and E!'s Ted Casablanca pretty much just confirmed it. That would explain her recent weight loss. The tabloids are going to have a field day with this.

'Whatever' Is The Word Of The Night

Typically there's always one night, usually Monday, that you can't find a thing to watch on television. Perhaps that's how we ran into Shar Jackson and the ex-wives club. She rocks on that show as do Marla Maples and Angie something or other...was with Sly Stallone. Whatever. And if you're new to the blog, Shar's youngest two children were sired by K-Fed. Not that you would still be reading this if you're new to the site, but whatever.

Where's Ari Gold When You Need Him?

While we've clearly had better things to do recently than blog about Paris Hilton, no offense, there was no escaping the Hilton drama. NBC backed out of a $1 million deal for her first interview with Meredith Viera. Apparently ABC's $100,000 offer with Barbara Walters (a close friend of Kathy Hilton's) was not enough. Rick Hilton said it was a $$$ issue. What the fuck is up with her father negotiating with networks to air his porn star daughter's interview? After getting released from jail? How low-rent is this family going to go? Aren't they like inn-keepers or something? Surely this is pathetic, even by their standards.

Hey There Delilah

Our favorite song of the day is by the Plain White T's. Enjoy.

Valtrex Could Be An Advertiser

There's a rumor going around that Brit Brit is in cahoots with one of the photo agencies to get more $$ for pics of her by changing into several outfits throughout the day and night. She definitely has been doing weird things in club bathrooms lately and then there's always her favorite money shot:

Still desperate for attention, Brit posted the above message on her website asking fans to vote for the title of her next album. Ummmm, not to be nit-picky or anything but shouldn't she be in the studio working on that album instead of starting fights with Lindsay Lohan? It would be entertaining though if Paris and Lohan ganged up on Britney once they get out of jail and rehab. They could film it and put it on television. Dance-offs at Hyde....awesome.

Happy Father's Day

Brangelina visited New York over the weekend and while Brad could stand to lose the hat, the Jolie-Pitt family is perfect. Still.

Hopefully They'll Lose The Key

This is quite the boring post as it is all about Paris. Ugh. Seriously, why do they keep moving her to this place and then that. Girl is looney. They say she's on her meds now so she should be able to finish her sentence in the hospital ward of the twin towers at Linwood. Whatever that means. Anyway, above are pics of her family and Stavros visiting her. They need to all visit The Hilton. In Beijing.

We Totally Pulled A Lohan Thursday Night

Well, sort of. We were in a Benz, but it wasn't our fault, and nobody was hurt. We didn't run into an antique store afterwards but we probably would have, had we been all drunk from lunch at The Ivy. That little faux pas is going to cost Lohan big bucks as she hit a guy and of course he's suing. His employer is not only suing Lindsay, but he's suing The Ivy for $200 grand because they served alcohol to her. At the time, she was only 19 years old. This comes right on the heels of a nightclub being investigated for serving Lohan the night she got a DUI. Through it all, she's still so psyched that she'll be of age to drink that she's throwing a huge 21st Birthday Party in Vegas to celebrate. Rock on.

Gag Me with a Spoon, Seriously

As previously reported by the family matriarch, Posh's reality show will air on NBC in July as a 1 hour special. Now, we were joking when we said we weren't interested in a eurotrash version of Coming to America. Guess what they're calling the 1 hour waste of time you'll never get back? Victoria Beckham: Coming to America. We can't make this stuff up.

My Lip Gloss Is Poppin'

Just so you know.

Potato Wave

The guys over at College Humor made the above video for Pearl Jam's "Yellow Ledbetter." Hilarious.

Hot, Rock....It's All The Same To Us

There's a new Ipod thing called Zune and they advertised during the NBA Finals tonight. The commercial features Mims singing "This Is Why I'm Hot," but they changed it to "This Is Why I Rock." That's pretty boring news, but I just wanted to post the song. Sue me. (No, please don't.)

Baby For Borat

Isla Fisher and fiancee Sasha Baron Cohen are apparently acknowledging the fact that she's preggers. For some reason we always want to add a "c" into their names, as in Fischer and Sascha. Random. But congrats on the baby.

At Least The Kid Looks Happy

Larry Birkhead filed suit against his former lawyer, Debra Opri, and these two are pulling out all the stops. He says she was coming on to him and Howard K. Stern (wha?!) and he's claiming Breach of Fiduciary Duty, Conversion, Fraud, Legal Malpractice, and some other stuff. Howard K. Stern's sister said that they are going to try to have Opri disbarred. Ouch. Apparently Larry made a $1 million media deal with the NBC shows and Opri took the money. While she was representing Larry to get Dannielynn, Larry was pissed about this and she eventually gave him like $200 grand. She still has $600,000 of his money. Her legal bill was around that amount. She is also suing him for non-payment of said bill. Court TV is loving it.

Still No Stylist In Sight

At least she's wearing underwear. And yes, she turned her dress around backwards. In the bathroom...at the club. Oy.

Lohan Should Really Clean House

The News of the World went after Lohan again with a feature story full of drugs, booze and lesbian sex. Her former bodyguard is writing a tell-all. Awesome.

"In April she asked me to take her to her dealer in Beverly Hills. I knew if I refused she'd go alone — so I took her. He was waiting for her in some bushes. Suddenly she started screaming and punching him for selling her short. He pulled a gun. I got out and he threatened to shoot me unless I got her to back off — but she kept hitting him. Luckily he got distracted and I punched him down. I dragged Lindsay into the car and drove off but she was screaming at me to go back. It was like Pulp Fiction. I knew then she was just too dangerous to be around."

Lee reveals how he often drove Lindsay to join her pal Nicole Richie, 24, for cocaine binges. "Nobody was as wild as Lindsay," he says. "But Nicole came close. Sometimes Paris Hilton would be there but the most I saw her do was drink and strip."

There's lots of juicy scandal including a pass she made for Mariah Carey. Check it out here. So by our calculations, that makes the score - News Of The World, 3 - Lohan, 0.

They're Back On

Thank God that Jessica Simpson and Ken Paves got their act together. BIG improvement.

Girl, Interrupted

The last time we went up to the lake, Mel Gibson got a Dee-Wee. This past weekend we again visited our hometown, and Paris Hilton jumped in and out of jail like it's her job. Thanks to Prinny, we arrived home to learn of Hilton's new career (see below), and found her statement which concludes with our troops overseas. Paris didn't mention that she's in a "health" facility that's more like a hospital than a jail, but obviously there is a great writer on staff over at Hilton's new law firm:

Today I told my attorneys not to appeal the judge's decision. While I greatly appreciate the Sheriff's concern for my health and welfare, after meeting with doctors I intend to serve my time as ordered by the judge.
This is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. During the past several days, I have had a lot of time to reflect and have already learned a bitter, but important lesson from this experience.
As I have said before, I hope others will learn from my mistake. I have also had time to read the mail from my fans. I very much appreciate all of their good wishes and hope they will keep their letters coming.
I must also say that I was shocked to see all of the attention devoted to the amount of time I would spend in jail for what I had done by the media, public and city officials. I would hope going forward that the public and the media will focus on more important things, like the men and women serving our country in Iraq, Afghanistan and other places around the world."

As we said, jail is so not cool, and we imagine it to be a nightmare from which you can't wake up from. Sort of like Paris herself.

"I'm sorry, this get out of jail free card has expired"

The freestylin', anklebracelet wearing, soak in your own tub and hang out in your posh pad jail sentence that was Paris Hiltons for the next 45 days is now null and void. Paris was dragged back to court in the back of a police cruiser and then thrown back in "real jail" (aka a lock down medical facility that is said to be "more like a hospital room than a jail cell") to serve out the remainder of her sentence, which is now like 23 days or something. She apparently threw a fit as she was dragged out of the courtroom and is said to have not eaten or slept since going back to the clink. It sounds like she's on her way to a major meltdown. We're actually starting to feel bad for her. But, we suppose she'll recover and be back to work in just a few weeks. Wait-what exactly is it that she does? We forget...oh wait....small dog carrier...no that's not it...oh yeah...panty-less paparazzi model...no....oh right...filthy rich party girl who is famous for being a filthy rich party girl. Keep that chin up P!

Aren't You The Cutest Thing?!

Brit Brit has thankfully stopped with the covert operation to hide her son, Jayden James, because she was getting a little Wacko Jacko with the blankets on his head. He's cute. The kid...not Jacko.

Much Ado About Nothing

TMZ is reporting that Paris was released from jail this morning after serving 3 days. If she even starts with what a valuable lesson she learned, we'll scream. Most of this girl's parties are longer than 3 days and clearly she has never learned a thing from those. Hopefully she'll get caught for insider trading or something and she'll be in the clink forever. "My broker takes cares of these things, I just sign papers."

Spice Up Your Life

Posh was named Glamour's Woman of the Year and she chose to wear the above to the shindig in London (far away from the influence of Tom Cruise). It's like her very own "Bugger Off" to the Scientards. Oh and NBC announced they'll air a special edition of the Beckham's reality show and if it is received well, they'll run all six episodes. It's called 'Back Off, TomKat.'

The Hottie and the Nottie Continued

Ooohh...couldn't resist continuing my girl Nobody's game. Check out this recent photo of Keanu Reeves on the set of a new movie. His acting skills may be questionable but there is no question that he is a Hottie.



And the Nottie? The Hoffie.

You Me and We're Free

Sadly, it looks like the whirlwind romance known as Katowen is kaputs (spelling?) Rumor has it they were splitsville before Memorial Day weekend. At least they didn't adopt any children from a depressed foreign country. They'll always have that. And that stupid movie they made together.

Rihanna Assumes The Throne

Rihanna and Jay-Z performed at the MTV Movie Awards and she is officially the new sound of music. It's so refreshing to hear performers actually sing, and damn well at that. The above video was filmed on a 7.1 megapixel camera, but the vibe's good. (Thanks, Hemang). Viacom pulled all the actual broadcasts from YouTube so this is all we got. Enjoy.

The Hottie And The Nottie Game

Perhaps we're missing Paris already or just fascinated with the idea that she may have a movie career. "Experience being her strength." Regardless of what we think, producers are still giving her $ to appear/act in their films. Hilton's most recent role was in a film called The Hottie And The Nottie. We'll get back to you on that spelling. Or not. So here's the game...Sascha Baron Cohen at the MTV Movie Awards is definitely the Hottie. Word is Isla Fisher, Cohen's fiancee, is preggers. Moving on....
This is freakshow Spencer and Heidi from The Hills. Someone needs to tell MTV that Spencer is not 23. He has enough make-up on that we easily add a decade on that mug. He's a nottie.
John Mayer rebounded from the Jessica Simpson fling to look better than ever. He's a hottie.
As always, Brandon Davis is the epitome of a nottie.

Baby Boy, Now I'm All Grown Up

While an engagement has many a time been rumoured, this time we're thinking it's for real. Jay-Z proposed while he and Beyonce were in Cannes and they plan to marry in Hawaii this fall. Mazel tov.