The Lindsay Lohan Letdown

The tale of Lindsay Lohan took an oh-so-tragic turn when she visited New York after a much needed summer away. She showed up at her mother's birthday party and started a fight, shouting "Go to Hell!" as she stormed out of the restaurant. That was mistake number one and probably the most damaging, as ruining someone's party all but guarantees you Bad Karma. Lohan's then-boyfriend, Harry, reportedly "told Lindsay he was sick of hearing about it," as she played the victim over the phone. Not satisfied with his reaction, Lohan got wasted and fell down the next day ending up in the hospital with a broken wrist. Upon returning to L.A., she made another trip to the hospital complaining that her wrist was still hurting, hoping for some sympathy from Harry. The next day he dumped her, and now she is more of a joke than ever. The Chateau Marmont hotel, where she has been living for the past year, just evicted her and former friends Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, and Ashlee Simpson have recently laughed at her in T.V. interviews. No home, no friends, no boyfriend. That is a perfect fall from grace. Bravo Lindsay. Bravo.

The End Of An Era

Over the past fourteen years we've come to accept the fact that our beloved Whitney Houston married Bobby Brown and their crazy love was not to be challenged. We can remember sitting in Jill Romano's pool and wondering how on earth our hero, Whitney, could marry such a yucky person. After all these years we have acclimated ourselves to the idea that she is "Crack is Whack" Whitney and people change. As did she. A tough lesson to learn, yes, but after watching Being Bobby Brown the message was clear. Bobby and Whitney were a couple in love. Albeit a crazy drug and alcohol fueled love, but love just the same. And we cheered. Now two weeks has passed since Whitney filed for divorce and there has been no retraction. The split is now fact. Whitney is in rehab and Bobby is living with a Video Vixen, Karinna Steffans, whom we once saw on Oprah. Hopefully this is all for the best but only a hit record will tell. Rest in peace Whitney & Bobby.

Here We Go Yo, Here We Go Yo

So whatsa, whatsa, whatsa scenario? If we're referring to Paris Hilton then the scenario is ultimately pathetic. Never one to exhibit taste or class, Paris walked in the Heatherette show at NY's Fashion Week and held up the show for an hour while she waited for her Man of the Week, Travis Barker, to show up. So much for that year of celibacy. Yesterday Paris was officially charged with Driving Under The Influence so she can add that to her resume, right under Porn Actress. Her spokesperson released this statement to People magazine, "Paris regrets the entire event...She had never been arrested before, so to go through the police procedure was very disorienting for her. It was personally humiliating for her; she is not taking it lightly or frivolously." That's a big change from her previous statement that, "It was nothing." Paris faces up to six months in jail if convicted. We'll shut up now so you can ponder that thought.

Hugs And Kisses For All

As we resume coverage here at Blogger HQ, we would like to express our gratitude to you, our readers, for your loyalty. While we explored the West from San Diego to Nevada, Napa to San Francisco, the number of hits on our site remained high, proving that you like us. You really, really like us. For that, we are thankful. And yes, there is a noticeable lack of snark in this post for which we apologize. Ten days of sun in a convertible minus images of Paris Hilton seem to have that effect. Fret not, however, as the Princess is anxious to take back her throne and get back to business.

Goin' Back To Cali

Good lord, who is that? Well, friends, that is none other than Danity Kane. Who? Danity Kane. We are currently in California on vacation and we had the pleasure of sharing a flight from New York to San Diego with the ladies. They comprise Diddy's Making The Band group and were featured over the past two seasons on MTV's reality show where they "made the band." One might expect them to be hip-hop divas considering they had the number one album in the country recently, but that could not be further from the truth. They are all completely down-to-earth and lovely which is refreshing in this culture of spoiled brats. Our traveling entourage included a two-year-old little princess and each of the Danity Kane members went out of her way to make the acquaintance of our little girl. They had no air of celebrity and are genuinely talented, beautiful young women. Bravo.

The Newest Baby Spears

Our little Brit Brit gave birth to another baby BOY! Just after 2 am this morning, she had a scheduled C-section just six days shy of her second wedding anniversary. Congrats Britney! Oh, and you, too, K-Fed.

Daniel Wayne Smith

We were shocked to read the following on the website of Anna Nicole Smith: ' On September 7th Anna Nicole gave birth to a healthy 6 pound, 9 ounce baby girl. Her son Daniel was in the Bahamas with her to share in the joy of his baby sister when he passed away suddenly on the morning of September 10th. We have yet to learn the cause of death but do not believe that drugs or alcohol were a factor. Anna Nicole is absolutely devastated by the loss of her son. He was her pride and joy and an amazing human being. Please do not make any press inquiries at this time so that Anna Nicole can grieve in peace. ' Several years ago Anna started the reality show craze on E! with her own show featuring her son and their dog, SugarPie. Daniel was a well-rounded teenager with a very bright future ahead of him. He was just 20 years old at the time of his death.

The Brit Brit 411

Brit Brit is ready to have her baby girl any day now and rumors give the name as Jailynn after her father, Jamie, and mother, Lynn. Quite original considering Brit's sister is named Jamie-Lynn. Hopefully this is just a rumor because the thought of one of K-Fed's children having the word 'Jail' in their name is just too ironic. The other rumor is that Brit Brit will be having a C-section on September 14th which is Sean Preston's birthday. In real news, the replays of the MTV Video Music Awards no longer show the stupid skit featuring Brit and K-Fed in which they poke fun at their poor parenting skills, but you can watch it here. If you're in the mood to see something truly funny, the music video for K-Fed's "Lose Control" is here. His album release date is October 31st so you still have time to reserve your copy.

The Final Five

New York Fashion Week is here and that means the finale of ‘Project Runway.’ It was two episodes ago that seven designers flew to Parsons Paris and Angela was out. Thank God. Jeffrey won the challenge and immunity and was really, really, really psyched that Angela and her granny flowers were eliminated. Jeffrey is this season’s Wendy Pepper so he’ll be in the final three although we’re hoping for Kayne to join Michael and Uli in the tents. The couture gown challenge sent Vincent packing last week and we’re happy we don’t have to hear him say, “It gets me off,” ever again. We loved Kayne’s gown but Jeffrey won again with his plaid number so we’re happy the designers no longer receive immunity for their wins. Highlights for next week foreshadow a loss for pregnant Laura as she is complaining about having to design for the Olsen twins. From the above photo we’re guessing Gwen Stefani will be a guest judge during the finals and/or her L.A.M.B. line will be mentioned ad nauseum. Jeffrey the Junkie will be in rock-n-roll heaven.

All's Well That Ends Well

No, Lindsay Lohan is not engaged and we have no idea why she's wearing that ring on her engagement finger. In Venice to promote Bobby, Lohan told reporters there was no engagement and gosh, who makes up these stories? Linds, if you're wearing an engagement ring, people might assume you're planning to marry. Hence the name of the ring, just so you know. Moving on, last night a bag was stolen from her luggage which contained $1 million in jewelry and her allergy medication, but luckily that bag was found today by authorities. We're hoping for her sake that no "other" medication is in the bag.

A Public Affair

Papa Joe Simpson made an example of Rob Shuter yesterday by firing him as publicist for his daughter Jessica, as well as Ashlee. Last week two cover stories featured Jessica being "in love" with singer John Mayer, prompting Mayer to distance himself from her amid claims she was using him for publicity and she seemed desperate. Ouch. All of this completely overshadowed the fact that Jess had a new album coming out which subsequently sold less units than Nick's album. Then there were reports in the NY papers that Jessica was out at The Hog Pit in Manhattan last week (above photo) with the crew from Jackass including Johnny Knoxville and an 'US Weekly' interview with Bam Magera regarding the whole cheating on Nick thing. Then October 'Glamour' published an interview with Jessica talking about her crazy lips, "I had that Restylane stuff," she says. "It looked fake to me. I didn't like that. But...it went away in, like, four months. My lips are back to what they were. Thank God!" So that's one bruised vocal chord, two or three horrible performances on TV, a big night out, two "I'm in love!" cover stories, one unfaithful wife story and a plastic surgery story to round it out. Wow. Way to promote the album.

The Latest Conspiracy Theory

We received this email more than once so in the interest of being fair to our loyal readers, we'll post the latest theory regarding why Suri Cruise doesn't look like Tom Cruise. It is as follows:

"The story goes that when Katie Holmes split with her exboyfriend Chris Klein in March 2005, she may or may not have realized she was pregnant with his baby. She started dating Tom in April, 2005, and according to this tale, when Tom found out she was expecting, he not only didn't MIND, but he insisted on taking credit for the pregnancy. They abruptly got engaged in June 2005. Since the baby was scheduled to be born too soon into their relationship, Tom and Katie faked the birth date. She actually gave birth months EARLIER than the announced birth. She wore padding for the last few months after the REAL birth, and made sure she was photographed. In case you don't remember, Suri's announced April 18 birth was oddly undocumented - there were no hospital records or specifics. Where WAS Suri born? Tom and Katie didn't want their baby photographed because it would be apparent that Suri wasn't newborn. After a few months it's not so easy to recognize a baby's exact age. Have you noticed that Suri has uniquely slanted eyes like Chris Klein?"

Poor Princess Paris

The Queen of Self-Promotion called into Ryan Seacrest's radio show this morning to explain her arrest. "You know what, it was nothing," Paris said. "I'd been shooting my music video for my new song, 'Nothing in this World.' … I got off last night at about 10 p.m. then I went and had dinner with my sister and all my girlfriends, and then we went to this charity event Dave Navarro threw for brain tumors. And um, I had one margarita, starving 'cause I had not ate all day, on my way to In-n-Out which is probably three blocks away, and I'm in my (Mercedes) SLR, which is a little fast, so maybe I was speeding a little bit" – she giggled – "and I got pulled over." Is it us or did she say that she "went and had dinner" and then she said she was "starving?" Because we thought she said she "had not ate all day." Aside from promoting her song and poor use of grammar, Hilton really opened up with, "Everything I do is blown out of proportion. It really hurts my feelings." We're expecting a public display of emotion from Paris in the coming days with an accompanying cover story, perhaps a TV interview.

You Have To See The BAAABY

The 'Vanity Fair' spread is 22 pages long, the largest amount of pages ever given a celebrity, but we'd be here all day if we tried to post them all. So here are some of the pics shot by Annie Liebovitz of Suri, Tom and Katie. Incidentally, the actress formerly named Kate by Tom, is now back to being Katie. It's a good thing too, as some people were starting to think she had totally changed.

Driving Drunk Is So Not Hot

The past week has been less than stellar for Paris Hilton and her DUI arrest early this morning in Hollywood seems like an appropriate finale. No stranger to Los Angeles police, Paris has been featured on two videos in recent months on TMZ.com which show her getting free passes from generous officers. One video shows Hilton backing her car up into another car and leaving the scene while the other video shows her being pulled over for erratic driving and being let go. Today her luck ran out shortly after midnight and she was arrested and booked for DUI and released on her own recognizance. Sister Nicky and her boyfriend Kevin Connelly of Entourage accompanied Paris' spokesperson to the police station where they collected the hot mess.

How To Lose It All In 7 Days

Last Thursday following the VMA's, Paris Hilton was brought to tears outside of Manhattan hotspot Bungalow 8 when she was turned away at the door. Perhaps she shouldn't have looked so smug when former friend Tara Reid was denied entrance the week before at LA club Hyde. Idiot Brandon Davis tussled with the NYPD and we can hear Lohan laughing from Europe.

Take Those Old Records Off The Shelf

Okay, so Tom Cruise apologized to Brooke Shields and she went on 'The Tonight Show' and talked to Jay Leno about it on Friday. Presumably Shields was promoting her guest arc on 'Nip/Tuck' this season and we're sure there was begging (or large amounts of cash) involved on Tom's part to make it all come off so flawlessly. On Tuesday, Rosie O'Donnell returned to ABC as the moderator of 'The View,' where she mentioned that she was on her meds these days so we should not expect anymore crazy lesbian haircuts. When asked about her infamous love for her Tommy and his dislike for anti-depressants she said something to the effect of, "I'm not saying who this huge bouquet of flowers is from, but it could be from Tom Cruise." Perhaps the 40 percent plunge in his likeability rating during the past year has convinced Cruise to cut out the crazy. A rep for Marketing Evaluation, Inc., a company that measures Q ratings (how the public perceives celebrities) said, "Compared to 2005, he's [Cruise] shown a dramatic decrease in appeal. And his negative reaction which is the other side of the spectrum is virtually double, up 100 percent." There was the Paramount divorce, then the announcement that the Six Flags Guy was going to finance Cruise's company, then all of a sudden we have a week of brilliant spin. Hopefully Cruise has gotten the hint that the Good Ship Scientology is sinking and his career is treading water along side it. But all hope is not lost. Tom can host a Saturday Night Live this fall and do a 'Risky Business' skit in his underwear. All will be forgiven. Well most of all anyway.

The Backlash Begins

Last week was a busy one for Paris Hilton as she made the rounds in L.A. with just-filed-for-divorce Travis Barker as well as spent a night out with Lance Armstrong. The song "Go Away Paris Hilton" is more popular than her album and as if this wasn't enough excitement, the BBC reports that a punk'd artist replaced hundreds of Paris' albums in the UK with his own remixes and cover art. The new songs include "Why Am I Famous?" and "What Have I Done?" as well as a bonus track, "Look At My Wonky Eye." And yes, we made the last song up.

Rest In Peace Crocodile Hunter

Hearts were heavy around the world yesterday as the news that Steve Irwin, The Crocodile Hunter, passed away at the age of 44. His enthusiasm for animals translated into wildly popular shows on the Discovery Channel in which he became a hero to children everywhere. An expert at dealing with land animals like snakes and crocodiles, Irwin told his manager that the sea and its inhabitants posed the biggest threat to his safety. As he filmed a segment on Australia's Great Barrier Reef yesterday, a stingray swimming below him raised its tail and pierced his heart, killing him within one minute. This type of death is extremely rare and experts believe the stingray may have felt trapped between Irwin and the cameraman. Irwin leaves behind his wife and their two young children.

And There It Is

The good news for John Travolta is that if he is outed as a gay man then he won't have to be a slave to Scientology anymore. Somewhere Kate Holmes is quietly weeping.

Congrats To The Happy Couple

Things are heating up for Harry Morton and Lindsay Lohan and the NY Post claims he purchased an engagement ring during this trip to Cartier. They erroneously report that the two have only been dating for one month although we posted this pic of the couple back in July so our estimate is they've been together for two months, but that's neither here nor there. Earlier this week E! News reported that Harry bought Lindsay a puppy which is a natural step in the evolution of a relationship. There is a saying, "Give someone a puppy and you will see who they truly are." If she loves the pup unconditionally and exhibits patience, loyality and generosity as she would a child, then she's a woman to spend your life with. If she abandons the puppy after an extended coke-binge in Vegas, not so much.