Here Comes The Bride

Did you hear? Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were married yesterday. Seriously. Here she is before the ceremony watching Tom arrive with his Scientard buddies. She looks psyched.

The Britster In Vegas

Brit Brit was indeed headed to Vegas when we last saw her and was photographed (again) with her former manager Larry Rudolph. Unfortunately she had those ratty hair extensions put in. We no likey.

The Pre-Party Pictures

We just returned from a marathon class and quite frankly do not have the mental capacity to think of anything witty to write, so here are some pretty pictures. First there's Jennifer Lopez and husband Marc Anthony on Thursday evening, then Posh and Becks on Friday. Then we have the TomKat kids, Isabella and Connor, on Thursday night. Our brain dead thoughts? Marc is still ugly, J.Lo could be preggers wearing that thing, Posh loves ballet, Becks is a God, and the kids are lovely. That's all we have to say about that.

Au Revoir Jerswah

Our beloved Whitney Houston was in the news this week when a public notice appeared in The Daily Record detailing the scheduled January 4th sale of her New Jersey home. The sheriff's department is looking to collect more than $1 million in back taxes and fees that she neglected to pay. Her home in Georgia where several episodes of Being Bobby Brown were filmed was also sold after foreclosure, but she still owns her home in California where she has been living recently. Judging from the above video and the standing ovation she received at the 2000 VMA's, Whit Whit will have no problem making a huge comeback. Perhaps even a Brit Brit/Whit Whit collaboration? Fierce.

Run, Katie, Run

Dear Lord, it is 6 in the morning in Rome right now, and we're guessing Katie is contemplating an escape route. Alas, any attempt to flee would be futile as you know Tom had one of those chips put in her head like in Mission Impossible 3. That would totally suck if she ended up like Felicity. Since it's been a full 24 hours since we've mentioned TomKat, we apologize and offer these photos of Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy as consolation. If anyone can establish a connection explaining his invitation, please email us at princessnobody@gmail.com Big kiss.

Brits Behaving Badly

We've used this headline before, but this time around Americans Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are caught up in the mix. Three British bodyguards working for Brangelina were arrested today after they roughed up children and their parents at a school in India where Jolie was filming. As parents arrived to pick up their kids from school, the bodyguards began pushing and shoving them, calling them "bloody Indians" and "bloody Muslims." Upon arriving in India, Jolie said she and Brad were eager to learn about India and its people, so we're hoping she'll take this opportunity to educate her staff as well. Over 1 billion people live in India making the country the world's largest democracy. India is at least 10,000 years old and was incredibly wealthy until the British arrived in the early 17th Century. In 1947, India won independence from Britain after a long non-violent movement led by Mahatma Gandhi. At that time, regions of India were partitioned and Muslims migrated to these areas now known as the countries of Pakistan and Bangladesh, while Hindus moved to Indian states. The majority of Indians are Hindus, with small populations practicing Christianity, Sikhism and Islam. Hinduism is the oldest of all recognized religions (2600 B.C.) and is ranked third in the world with a population of 900 million. Christianity is first with 2.1 billion people, while Islam is second with 1.3 billion people. That concludes our lesson for today.

Don't Drink The Kool-Aid

The always beautiful Posh and Becks arrived in Rome for the TomKat wedding meaning Victoria and Katie have obviously kissed and made up. The rumor out of London was that the new BFF's were on shaky ground because Posh discovered Tom's plan to seduce David. Kidding. Actually, Katie felt badly because Posh was encouraging her to lose more weight before the wedding. Super thin Posh reportedly, 'maintains her tiny frame because she only permits herself to snack - not eat - on edamame, pretzels and occasionally sushi. Beckham also is a Diet Coke fanatic and told pals she hasn't drunk water in years because she "hates the taste."" Katie, on the other hand, only drinks Kool-Aid. The special kind that Operating Thetan 7 gives her.

Paris Is Pretty & Popular

The Dancing With The Stars wrap party was last night following the finale and former contestant Shanna Moakler posed for photographers outside. When asked about Paris Hilton she said, "Tell her to take her Valtrex." (That drug is for people that have herpes.) Moakler also sat down to tell her side of the story to one of the entertainment shows following her divorce party in Vegas. In reference to Paris sleeping with Shanna's ex, Oscar de la Hoya and ex Travis Barker she said, "For her to do it not once, but twice to me, was also, I think, in the poorest of taste." In regards to the infamous fight at Hyde she explained, "I just had words with her, that's it. I absolutely had words with her, and I think any woman has that right to be like, 'It's not cool. What you're doing is not cool.'" Paris Hilton is like that girl you knew in High School that screws everyone's boyfriend thinking that it will raise her esteem in the eyes of others. "Oh, well I slept with so and so and he dated Miss Pretty & Popular, so I must be pretty & popular." Considering Paris never graduated from High School, she is fulfilling that destiny now. Barker, the man at the middle of it all, said this last week, "Paris and I have tongue kissed before. It's not unusual for me to say hello to Paris and kiss her, but it's not like we are a couple or anything. When we see each other, we say hello. That's it." Ahhhhh, young love. So sweet.

Retirement Called, You're Needed

Michael Jackson made his much-hyped return to the stage last night in London at the World Music Awards and it was a complete disaster. Wacko Jacko backed out of his scheduled performance of Thriller, opting instead to do whatever you want to call the above video. He's not singing, rather he's just walking around the stage. We're guessing he was lost and had no idea where or who he was. Fans were pissed and even boo'd host Lindsay Lohan twice when she messed up her lines. The show was not a complete wash as Chris Brown performed a tribute of Thriller, and Beyonce, Madonna and Kanye West won awards. Perhaps now Kanye will give it a rest. Speaking of, homegirl in the video needs to chill.

Spotlight On Suri

Not to be outdone by Brit Brit on what should be an all TomKat weekend, Tom and Katie trotted out Suri for the cameras. The ball is now in your court, Ms. Spears.

Brit Brit On The Move

Britney left her hometown yesterday aboard a private plane and was rumored to be headed to Vegas where she will stay at the Palms and get long hair extensions. While this all seems incredibly trivial, the hair extensions "breaking" story has garnered more press than the TomKat wedding. The Hubbard lovers are not pleased.

The Scientards Celebrate

The guests have started arriving in Rome for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' wedding. Guests spotted at the airport today include Jennifer Lopez and her husband Marc Anthony, Jim Carrey, Jada Pinkett-Smith, and Brooke Shields. Tom and Katie ventured out yesterday with Suri, and we're hoping it was so he could get his hair cut. And she might want to do something about the spray tan on her two-toned arm before Saturday. She really should look her best as she boards the Mothership.

Georgie Porgie Pudding Pie

Gorgeous George started out the year with Golden Globe and Oscar wins, and he's closing the year with People magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive" cover. Clooney won in 1997 and now ties his BFF Brad Pitt as a two-time sexiest man. Of his honor, George joked, "There's a lot of pressure. There are all the events you have to show up for. The sash you have to wear ... is embarrassing."

American Tragedy Revisited

We all know that O.J. Simpson murdered Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman in June of 1994. He all but admitted his guilt in 1998 when he told Esquire, “Let's say I committed this crime. Even if I did do this, it would have to have been because I loved her very much, right?" This being said, it came as no surprise to us that he has written a book called, If I Did It, that details how he would have committed the murders. Desperate times call for desperate measures and being that Simpson spends his days in Florida thinking of ways to make money so he can buy drinks for pretty blonde girls in South Beach, this book idea was just waiting to happen. Who, you ask, would entertain the idea of paying Simpson for his story? The answer is simple. Judith Regan and Rupert Murdoch. Regan is the publisher of ReganBooks, owned by News Corporation, which is owned by Rupert Murdoch. If I Did It hits bookstores November 30th and will be preceded by a two-part interview with OJ conducted by Regan which will air during Sweeps on the Fox network (also owned by Murdoch). Regan is famous for having a year-long affair with former NYPD Police Commissioner Bernard Kerik, a married man with two children, whom she met when she published his book. (The affair led to him withdrawing his White House nomination for the Secretary of Homeland Security position.) Regan’s cohort, Rupert Murdoch, owns Fox News, MySpace, The New York Post, TV Guide, 20th Century Fox, The Sun, as well as several other companies. The father of slain Ron Goldman said this, "It is an all-time low for television. To imagine that a major network would put a murderer on TV to have him tell how he would murder the mother of his children and my son is beyond comprehension." Our thoughts exactly.

I Know He Thinks You're Fine

And stuff, but does he know how to wind you up? The Sound Of Music sample is fierce. As is Gwen. The album is out December 5th.

Sweet Home Louisiana

Kevin Federline is not doing himself any favors in the court of public opinion. While Britney brought their kids to visit the Spears family in her hometown of Kentwood, Louisiana (above) the Fedster is partying it up on his album tour. After performing in Chicago the day after the divorce papers were filed, he wrote the lovely message below with a marker on the dressing room door at The House Of Blues. As for the sex tape fiasco, MSNBC reported that porn entrepreneur, David Hans Schmidt, told them, "Two days after Britney filed for divorce I was contacted by an individual who indicated that he had a digital video of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline having sex." The tape is allegedly four hours long and was filmed during the first two weeks of their relationship at The Beverly Hills Hotel. He projected sales of the tape would be in the $200 million range and because the footage belongs to Kevin, Brit Brit's lawyers will be unable to stop its distribution. As for the divorce proceedings and winning custody of the kids, Kevin is going with a strategy we're not familiar with that involves acting like a lunatic. Judges love that.

Cruise Caught In A Lie

Oprah was in New York last night and when asked about the TomKat wedding by Extra she said, "It's not that I'm not going, it's that they had a limited number of people that they could invite. I was not one of the invitees. That's fine. I don't get invited to everyone's wedding. I don't invite them to everything I do. But I wish them the best." That is surprising as Oprah invited Tom and Katie to her Legends Ball, yet they didn't invite her to their wedding? The castle accommodates 1400 people so the limited number of invites excuse is just dumb. All the Scientards are invited including Kirstie Alley, Jenna Elfman, John Travolta, Kelly Preston, and Leah Remini. Other celebrity guests are Will and Jada Smith as well as David and Posh Beckham. There is a rumor that Jennifer Lopez is attending and being that she is best friends with Leah Remini, there may be some truth to it. Random.

Spidey Is A Daddy

Congratulations to Tobey Maguire and fiancée, Jennifer Meyer, on the birth of their baby girl. Meyer is the daughter of Universal Studios president Ron Meyer and has enjoyed success this year as a jewelry designer. Also arriving this week was the Spiderman 3 movie trailer which you can watch below.

She Blinded Me With Items

The New York Post ran this item today, 'WHICH ivory tickler, frequently caught drunken driving, is back on the sauce? The musician has stopped in a few of his local bars and had a few drinks, only to leave the bartenders no tip . . . WHICH singer had to deliver her child via Cesarean because of a raunchy STD her estranged husband gave her?' The first is obviously Billy Joel and considering how gross the Fedster is, we'll guess poor Brit Brit for the second. Another blind item ran a few months ago about a reality show star that couldn't gain weight because she had gastric bypass surgery back when she was chubby, which sounds a lot like Nicole Richie. That item has re-emerged, only now the girl had the surgery reversed which would explain why Nicole only stayed in the facility for one day and was out at the clubs the next night. Nothing, however, explains her decision to wear a bikini in public. Gross.

All TomKat, All The Time

The Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes wedding is in five days and the couple plus Suri have arrived in Rome. We'll be glad when we don't have to hear anymore about the $8,000 spent on hand towels with a T on one and K on the other. Random wedding favor, but whatever. The TomKat team is in overdrive saturating the news with stories like the $10,000 dinner that Tom ordered at a steak restaurant in Los Angeles last week. Saturday Night Live poked fun at this idea over the weekend, suggesting it really cost only $100. We did the math and there is no way it was 10 grand. Mission Impossible:III was just released on DVD and is making its rounds in American living rooms while the December issue of Vanity Fair features an interview with Sumner Redstone in which he comes off as a jerk. Katie went to a charity event hosted by new BFF Brooke Shields and now Brooke is shopping for a dress to wear to the wedding. That was some apology he gave her, eh? It's amazing how everything seemed to work out so perfectly. Almost like it's all a big orchestrated show. Ahem, *cough*, it is, *cough*.