All Is Well In The Land Of The Brit Brit

Britney's new single 'Gimme More' is all over the NYC radio stations and she is performing the song at the VMA's in Vegas. Below is another new song of the album called 'Cold As Fire.' The comeback seems to be on track, now all we need is that stylist. Happy Friday.

God Bless The Vices

There have been many "tortured" great artists, writers, singers and perhaps the pain they venture into ends up in the their work. This is what we hoping for with Amy Winehouse. She is so young and it seems as if her very new husband Blake is trying to help out with the situation. After checking out of rehab via helicopter and going on a rampage (meanwhile canceling ALL European and ALL US performances) Amy text-messaged Perez Hilton and explained that she was going to smoke crack with a call girl and Blake found her and she attacked him which led to the photo above. We'd show a close up but his face sort of looks like Freddy Kruger's. Gross.

Take A Valium And Call Me Tomorrow

We've only mentioned Owen Wilson on the blog a few times, however we've always enjoyed his movies, especially The Royal Tenenbaums for which he was nominated for an Academy Award for screenwriting. Apparently his recent depression and suicide attempt did not appear out of the blue as he has been in and out of facilities at least twice over the past 10 years. Our theory is that he's so embarassed that former girlfriend Kate Hudson is now dating Dax Shepard. Who? Exactly. We're not even sure how to spell his name. She couldn't at least gotten with that Jackass sidekick? Puh-lease.

We Love To Watch Court TV

Holy Toledo, it's been 5 days since we've blogged and we apologize. Tonight we celebrated the birthday of His Royal Highness Prince Nobody, heir to the throne. Unfortunately for our friends over on the west coast, the situation is not to be desired. The Phil Spector trial has gone haywire and while Los Angeles District Attorney Alan Jackson (not the country singer) proves an obvious case of murder, Spector is changing lawyers like we change cocktails. Final arguments begin with in the week (or next) and Spector's lead attorney, Bruce (John Gotti lawyer) Cutler has resigned from the case with his client's approval. Spector's son did an interview with Court TV in which he said he believes his father is wasting his money on the criminal case so he won't have any money left to give to Lana Clarkson's family in the inevitable civil suit. Spector and ex-wife argued in court over child support and he paid all in nickels. Like thousands of dollars in nickels. Delivered in truckloads. Freak.

The Luck Of The Lohan

In case you missed anything in recent weeks, the above song explains it all. That girl really looks like Lohan, too. So Nicole Richie checked into jail today in order to serve her 4 day term which was reduced to 82 minutes, with time served and overcrowding. Lohan was also sentenced to 1 day in jail for her arrests. The D.A. dropped the cocaine charges and referred to something about "high-risk kids." Her lawyer rocks.

Brit Brit's Just Gettin' Started

The blogs have been reporting that Britney Spears was in Antwerp, Amsterdam and then Paris earlier this week. The owners of a cafe in Antwerp claim that she stopped in their place to use the ladies room on route from the airport and she was wearing a wig and looked not so great. After a 5 day break from being photographed, Brit Brit was spotted in Los Angeles yesterday. If she indeed traveled to Europe, we're guessing she went to go pay off this girl so she wouldn't testify against her in the custody case. So there, Kevin. Speaking of him...he spent the weekend in Vegas and partied it up both nights at Pure. Brit is making serious cash for hosting the opening of LAX at the Luxor. The hotel casino has even put a countdown on their site. Following that, the VMA's will take place in Vegas during which Brit Brit is supposed to make her big comeback. Ryan Seacrest debuted one of her songs this morning on his radio show which is clearly about Kevin and we rather like it. Go here to listen to it. Our favorite lyrics? 'Someday when you see my face, you will think that you have won. And someday when it's all away, I will have just begun.'

Best Wishes For A Quick Recovery

Star magazine claims the matriarch of the Brangelina family has a deadly disease which she may have gotten from using drugs. She allegedly has some sort of liver disease. Uh huh. The family was in Chicago where Ang is shooting a movie, and she seems to be holding up well despite her disease. Oh, sorry. DEADLY disease.

My Hair Growed Back, Y'All

Things are not going so well for Britney lately and she may want to think about settling this custody lawsuit with a payout. On the list to testify for Kevin is Brit's mother, Lynne, an executive assistant from Promises, 2 former assistants, former bodyguards and even a woman that Brit hooked up with in Amsterdam when she was on tour. Private investigators hired by Kevin's lawyer found the woman and a friend that "Kevin trusts with his life" went to talk with her and she agreed to testify against Britney about the drugs and sex they had in May of 2004. Brit's divorce lawyer, Laura Wasser, never agreed to represent her in this custody lawsuit and has recommended other lawyers that Britney should hire. In other words, she's dropping her as a client. To make matters worse, Britney continues to be out and about with Criss Angel. He's reportedly helping her with her MTV VMA appearance and the couple spent the weekend together as well. They tried to check into the Bel-Air hotel, but were turned away. We wonder why.

The House Of Wine Has Lost Its Shit

As we mentioned previously, Amy Winehosue overdosed on heroin, cocaine, horse tranquilizers (special K) and Ecstasy. She went tot the hospital and she and her husband reportedly checked into a rehab together after her father and his stepfather came to fisticuffs over the whole situation. The Mirror reported that the duo even stripped for their parents to prove that they had never injected the heroin, only snorted or smoked it. Is there a difference? It's still heroin. So after 48 hours Amy checked out of rehab via helicopter so she could fly to London and have a brain scan as she has a seizure during her 3-day drug binge. A few hours after she arrived, she was at the pub having pints with her friends. Her publicist caught wind of this and released a statement saying that Amy is back in rehab and is focused on her health which has led her to cancel several performances. Now we're no experts but if your record is number one in the UK and climbing the charts in the USA, you're performing with the Rolling Stones and you're a superstar, why in the world would you not enjoy that? For a super talented young woman, our dear Amy is making big time mistakes. Do your gig, sell your billion records, then party like it's 1999. Doesn't Prince live in London now? Maybe he could talk to her, reason with her. Otherwise we're on a plane. Hey, that's not a bad idea...

I Need A Miracle

Speaking of Justin Timberlake, he is rumored to be moving in with his bodybuilder of a girlfriend, Jessica Beil. We never watched an episode, but we heard the hu-bub surrounding her stint on the Christian show, 7th Heaven. She wanted to be a slut but they made her be good and she complained and quit or something. So basically we've never seen her act in anything and the previews for that Chuck & Larry movie made her look pathetic. Justin's ex, Cameron Diaz, has been making the rounds and most recently began dating John Mayer, Jessica's ex. She also became involved in a divorce case involving Criss Angel whom she dated for only a few weeks, meaning they fucked and she went to Asia to promote Shrek 3. He did a stunt and then told the cameras that he loved her and that was that. He has now moved on to Britney Spears whom he headed up to an 11th floor hotel suite with at 4 in the morning. Her peeps are saying that he is working with her on her MTV performance. Well....as long as they were working.

There's Preggers, And Then There's PREGGERS

We've never been into Nicole Richie because back in the day she was horrid at a club we frequented in Miami. Her actions since then have been totally misguided and the whole Paris thing disgusts us. Now because she's pregnant (and we need to up our posts for her category) we are reluctantly blogging about her. That and because she's in New York because if you can make it here...you know the rest. We may regret saying this but we actually think she looks cute pregnant. We still remember her chubby days (how could you forget?) but she seems to be taking advice from her brilliant manager Benny Medina. He created Jennifer Lopez's career and is genius. Nicole and fiancee Joel Madden spent the week in New York as he tours with his band on the East Coast. (Good Charlotte is the band. And no, we don't know one song they sing....BUT he used to date Hilary Duff.) She dined with BFF Mischa Barton and attended Justin Timberlake's concert at the garden, and looked rather healthy doing so. Is that enough? Did we full the required number of words for the quota? Please. She sucks and always will. Pregnant or not. Speaking of, Salma Hayek is hella-pregnant. She and her Billionaire fiancee just bought a couple of mansions for their impending kid. Livin' la vida loca.

Green Tea Partay

The Smirnoff West Coast rappers have responded to the wildly successful New England gangsters. Fittingly, the boys from Beverly Hills drink "Green" tea. Get it? Because it's California and they're all environmental. [If you have to explain it, it's not funny. We know.] Enjoy.

Be Careful, The Bloggers Are Watching

We thought it was a little weird when Spencer asked Brody for his credit card to buy Heidi's ring and then he ripped up the receipt. Um, if you're buying a ring that is worth 8 or 10 grand, you need to insure it. Spencer was saying he should put a tracking device on it, GPS, and how it was "bling" which is so uncool to say, but staying on topic, he said the ring was like J.Lo's and Kobe Bryant's. Turns out that the company, Ice, doesn't even sell real diamonds and the ring cost anywhere between $280. and $2,500. Whatever. Who cares how much anything costs, but if you're going to brag about it on tv, you may want to make sure you're being truthful. Despite Slimy Spencer, 'The Hills' premiere last night gave MTV a new record for viewership. Work it, girls. Below is Mandy Moore's cover of Rihanna's umbrella which was featured on the show. Rocks.

Newport Harbor: Realer Than Laguna Beach

What is up with the narrator's relationship with her father? Weird. Then at dinner they were all telling secrets in each other's ears. We heard all that nonsense was supposed to be straightened out by 2nd grade. Tall blonde's short blonde friend looks about 12 years old. Oh, snap. The girl is like on a balcony with hot guy Clay ready to make out after she stole him out from under tall blonde's nose and then her dad calls. She keeps saying, "Daddy, Daddy." Oh my God, her parents just showed up and are yelling at her in the hotel. "You should have known better, Chrissy." Ugh. So Chrissy (narrator) lives in walking distance from Clay's house so just walked over with her dog and he was washing his car and asked how her dad was. He was annoyed so she left. Now, Allie (tall blonde girl) is heading over to Clay's and they're going to hang out. Judging from the upcoming scenes of Newport Harbor, it will be a tug-of-love amongst Clay, Chase, Allie and Chrissy. Go-go-lucky.

newport harbor

Brit Wins The Tabloid Trifecta

Remember the infamous OK! interview with Britney? Well, her ex-assistant of only 3 weeks just spent the weekend in New York courtesy of her friends at OK! As Miss Funk, seen above, gave exclusive photos of herself getting it on with Brit Brit in the pool. Evidently those lesbian rumors were true. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but the timing is to say the least, off. Upon arrival at LAX from JFK, the former Funk assistant was served with a subpoena to testify in the custody case. The Fedster is going all the fuck out.
Star magazine is so pathetic yet so amusing at the same time. They are recycling quotes from nannies that Brit employed a year ago.They're desperate.
Rounding out the big tabloids is the what we think to be the most respectable, US Weekly. Recently "an insider" calling himself Jeff gave an exclusive interview to X17 outside of a club and apparently Brit is an angel. We don't really care either way, but it does make for good fodder. In other Brit Brit news, she is rumored to be making her big comeback at the MTV Awards on September 9th. An MTV spokesperson could not confirm or deny the story. Also, Kevin reportedly has video footage of Britney hitting him with a frying pan and slapping him and drinking and blah, blah, blah. What were we talking about again?

I Will Always Be In A Club With You

Our old friend, James Blunt, will release his new album on September 18th, and the above is the video for the first single, 1973. It has a little Cat Stevens vibe to it. Enjoy.

Maybe She Can Be A Third Wife

Thank somebody that Lohan is in a Mormon rehab in Utah and doesn't know that she just got sued big-time over her little cokescapade. Hey that's kind of cute, maybe we'll make it a category. Lord knows there are plenty of Hollywood folks to tag with that. We digress. A girl that was riding in the car of Lohan's assistant's mother, has sued Lindsay for assault and negligence. The girl says she was traumatized and that the police drew guns on her when Lohan got out of the car and chased her. That must be a wake-up call, having a gun drawn on you. We watch a lot of Big Love and those Mormons are not fussin' around with their sobriety. Linds reportedly has to do chores like wash dishes and clean the toilet. No phone, internet, lights out by 11 pm and up by 6 am. We say she should just move to Cirque Lodge indefinitely because things are not looking good for her out here in the real world.

Hold Your Horses There, Love

Brangelina & Company were in Chicago over the weekend where they went to a museum and to a Borders bookstore. The kids all have fake tattoos and rumor is Angelina will go to Ethiopia within 6 months to buy another daughter. She's still going on about Zahara not having anyone in the family that looks like her. Um, your kid has been to more countries than our President. Hold off on the credit card for a little bit and enjoy the ones you have.

We Remember

Where do we begin with the drama surrounding Britney Spears? Kevin hired a pitbull lawyer and has served subpoenas on Brit's cousin slash former assistant, Alli Sims, as well as her former bodyguard. Brit's mother and sister appear to be on Kevin's side in his quest for custody of the kids. His lawyer believes their lives would be simpler without the frenzy that Brit creates with the paparazzi and her antics. Meanwhile Brit is on the cover of September Allure and Elizabeth Arden is releasing her new fragrance, Believe. Brit and Kevin settled their divorce recently and he didn't object to the 50/50 custody split. A few days later he filed a civil suit for 70/30 custody. Apparently, this is all about money for K-Fed. The fact that we just typed apparently is shocking considering the statement it precedes. Has the Fedster tricked us into forgetting the early days? Whew. A quick stroll through time has relieved us of our crazy.

The Hills Have Been Hijacked By Heidi

'The Hills' season 3 premiere was tonight and the whole Jason and Lauren sex tape scandal was front and center as Lauren thinks Heidi and Spencer started the rumor. Despite Spencer saying that if he and Heidi were to get engaged it wouldn't be on Lauren's show, they seemed to have done just that. Slimy Spencer is now saying that it was a promise ring, but um, we just heard you say, "I'm ready to get engaged!" after you bought the ring. He's gross. Heidi is a freak and really needs to get some sun. And what was with that cheesy painting Spencer had put on the wall? Hollywood with $$$ signs all over it in their living room. Now that he is acting as Heidi's manager, you know he rehearses their lines which led to that ridiculous beach scene. Audrina is back with her ex-boy who is like a biker dude, and of course Lauren doesn't like him. Lo was so Laguna when she asked him about the Justin Bobby thing. Now that Audrina and Lauren live together, "Justin my friends call me Bobby" is sure to become a problem. Ooh, and Jason's coming back.

Vacation, All I Ever Wanted

After an amazing week at the lake, we are back to find that not too much was happening during our days at Harpoon's. Lohan is reportedly in rehab in Utah, the Fedster is suing Britney for a 70/30 custody split, and our beloved Amy Winehouse did drugs for 3 days straight and collapsed. Happy August.

Reunited And It Feels So Good

What is up with those crazy Spears. Alli Simms, Britney's cousin and recent assistant, has set up a site to promote her "singing career." She says that she's more Nora Jones-ish. Uh-huh. The top pic is of Brit and Alli out last night. Good luck with that music career. Advice? Hire a stylist.