So Unexpected? We Beg To Differ

Yes, it's true. Jamie Lynn Spears, Brit's 16-year-old sister, got herself knocked up by her boyfriend. Proving that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree (in terms of intelligence), Jamie had this to say, "It was a shock for both of us, so unexpected. I was in complete and total shock and so was he." Guess what, sweetie? You and your boyfriend are the only people on earth that are surprised. To everybody else, your life is progressing just as expected. Best wishes.

We Will Always Love You

We must apologize, once again, for the lack of posting lately. "I'm freakin' dyin' ovah heeyah." Those of you that know us personally will get that reference. For the rest of our loyal readers, all we can offer is our sincerest apologies. The holidays are taking a toll with the many, many, many late nights and early mornings (that work thing) and we are sincerely sorry. We promise that we will get on the drama going on in Hollywood, albeit with rather brief posts, but you have our word. We're freakin' on it, yo. Speaking of being on it, our fave Whit-Whit performed recently in Europe and the word is that she did great with perhaps a few missed high notes. Considering where she has been and what she has achieved it is obvious that she deserves our utmost respect. Above is one of our fave Whitney Houston songs, 'My Love Is Your Love,' live in concert from 1999 and features the adorable little Bobbi Kristina. Enjoy.

We Think It, She Says It

As long-time fans of Kathy Griffin, we are thrilled that she has a new comedy special out and has found love with Steve Wozniak after he saw one of her shows and sent her a basket of treats for her dogs. (Steve Wozniak and Steve Jobs invented Apple. Yeah, the computer company.) Kathy had a tough year with a divorce and the tragic passing of her father, but through it all she never lost her snarky sense of humor. An audience member recorded the above rant about 'To Catch A Predator' during a Vegas show and while the video is sketchy, the audio is perfect and surely will not be seen on any upcoming specials or shows due to the language. "It's always some Indian engineering student." Brilliant.

He Can Only Hold Her

Shortly after they were arrested in Norway or someplace for possession of marijuana, the happy Amy Winehouse family headed back to London in preparation for her UK tour. And then....her husband was arrested, her home was raided and searched, and homeboy is in jail. Possibly for life. Whoa-ski. Blake is accused of trying to bribe a witness in his upcoming trial to the tune of $400,000. This guy thinks he's a Soprano or something. Despite her drama, we're still totally into her album and wish her the best of luck with that big ol' mess she's got over there. Cheerio.

Dude, Just Give Me Your Hand

TomKat was everywhere last week in an effort to promote 'Lions For Lambs' which stars Tom, Robert Redford and Meryl Streep. Snoozefest. It bombed in theaters over the weekend. Above is a photo of Katie doing her job and accompanying Tommy Boy to a premiere after she had just run the NYC marathon. Good for her. Lance Armstrong also ran the marathon and capped it off with a week of making out in public with Ashley Olsen. Yes, that Ashley Olsen. In other TomKat news, Andrew Morton's tell-all about Tom and his freak flags is set to hit bookstores on January 15th. Juicy.

Included in the biography will be the goods about Tom's sexuality as well as Scientard information. Last month a guy that had tried to blackmail Tom ended up dead of an *apparent* suicide. Hey, any man that wears this much blush is totally straight. Like a line.

Finally, we get to the fun part of the TomKat review. Katie was off making a movie for a while there with Diane Keaton and Queen Latifah called 'Mad Money.' The trailer is below and it actually looks pretty awesome. Way to go, girl. No, Tom, not you. Your wife.

Now's The Time To Finish That Screenplay

Today marks day nine of the writers' strike which is wreaking havoc on Hollywood. Currently we are sans television so we've been viewing nip/tuck and the such via youtube. That is what the strike is all about, but we'll direct you to Jon Stewart above for a proper explanation. [Sorry about that...wrong video. It's still funny, though.] Enjoy.

Everything's Gonna Be Alright

While we have been on a little blogger hiatus recently we've neglected to share our favorite music with you all. 'No One' by Alicia Keys is what we're loving right now. Just so you know.

Home For The Holidays

The lovely Lindsay Lohan has started her community service as punishment for her 2 DWI/coke possession mishaps. Her father is still crazy as you can see above, and her mother is currently filming a reality show out on the Island. The boyfriend, Riley, is still in the picture and allegedly wrote the following on his myspace blog: 'ADVICE OF THE WEEK: if your a mom, with 4 kids, the best thing u can do for them right now is have a reality show. WE. DO. NOT. WANT. she had the nerve to ask us to be on. no thanks!' Riley went on to write, 'Our place in ny is getting decked out, cant wait to move.. should be mid-december.' [Obviously Riley and Lohan share a common dislike of proper punctuation.] Now, we heard that Lohan was headed home east, and we're not sure if the city is ready. Remember her hijinks back in the day? At least she can take cabs, but still. New York is nowhere for a recovering alchoholic/druggie to be living. Just ask Natasha Lyonne. Who? Exactly.

Make It Work

How's That Workin' Out For Ya, Linds?

While you might not be able to read the tattoo in the last picture there, we assure you it says 'DEATH.' Sweet, dude. Lohan and her boyfriend (that she met in rehab) are back in Hollywood following The National Enquirer story regarding the guy's fiancee. Yes, fiancee. Always drama with the Lohan. Apparently this girl and Riley have lived together for 3 years in Laguna Beach. He was arrested for trying to forge prescriptions and off he went to Utah. The girl went to a group meeting and met Lindsey whom she said was overly nice, or fake. Two days later, the guy texts his fiancee and says they should take a break. He admits that he had sex with Lohan in a hallway, blah, blah, blah. The girl brings her engagement ring into be repaired and is told by the jeweler that the "diamonds" are actually cubic zirconium. Lohan sure knows how to pick 'em.

If I Could, I Would

First off, we apologize for not posting in ten days, but we had a momentarily lapse of judgment when we placed our laptop on a ledge. The screen is still broken and unusable after falling from a great height, but the rest of the computer is A plus. Way to go, Toshiba Satellite. Our little soldier is now hooked up to a separate monitor. Getting back to the reason we're all here...Brit Brit and her recent accomplishment. She passed her drug tests and has regained custody of her children. Even the Fedster's lawyer was speaking highly of Brit in the press. That was some payout those lawyers accommodated his lifestyle with and well done, Britney's lawyer. Speaking of, Britney's lawyer also settled that hit and run case out of court. Now that Brit is celebrating, she got lip injections and was photographed from a helicopter dancing in her backyard, the results of which you see above. We have a lot of catching up to do so we're not even going to get into the spray-on tan issue, funky weave, or the teeny, tiny leopard print bikini on those big ol' hips. There is not enough time in the night. Lohan awaits.

We Get It, Britney, Now Put It Away

Before we get into the whole family, kids, custody, no underwear issues, we must ask: What the hell is going on with Britney's weave? Is that even a weave anymore? What the hell is on her head? It probably scares her kids, not to mention the judge presiding over her custody battle. So Brit's mother and sister have reconciled with her and are currently out in Los Angeles trying to help her straighten out her life. That is a good thing....sort of. They need to buy her an alarm clock, maybe even babysit the crazy gal because she is incapable of taking care of herself. She overslept and missed the court hearing regarding custody much like she overslept and missed her first few drug tests. The good news, however, is that she did pass a few random drug tests recently and was awarded one supervised overnight visit per week with her sons. Her record label has pushed up the date for her album's release because so much of it has already been leaked online, and her first single "Gimme More" remains at the top of the charts. Okay. Now for the bad news...the little outfit she's wearing above is not only missing a bra, but she doesn't have any underwear on either. You guessed it, there are shots of her vagina all over the internet. Again. This is the third time she's shown her va-jay-jay to the world. It wasn't cute then, and it's certainly not cute now. For the love of God, someone make her stop.

A Royal Nobody First

J.Lo is everywhere these days promoting her new album and giving new meaning to the tent dress. While her mother, Guadalupe, and Marc Anthony's first wife, Dayonara Torres (the mother of his three children) have both confirmed the pregnancy Jennifer is not saying a word. Rumor is that she's preggers with twins and is four months along. Click below to watch her interview with Dave Letterman. She is glowing and her personality is pretty cute. This may be a first, but we can't think of anything snarky to say. Don't worry your pretty little heads though, because it won't last long. Brit Brit is up next.

We Are So Totally In Love

While we're not sure about the bleach-blond streak she's sporting as of late, Amy Winehouse is still our absolute favorite and we still can not stop listening to her. You'd think it would get old after all this time, but it just doesn't. We heart Amy. The artist formerly known as Prince, or Prince as he goes by now (we can't keep up) has invited our girl to Minnesota to collaborate on some music together. As you can see above, Amy has made some more American friends in the duo that is Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. The twins launched their new high-end fashion line and invited Amy to a private shopping excursion in London. Now if we could just do something about that husband of hers....Oh, and Prince told Amy to leave the hubby at home. Something about the visit being "strictly business." That Prince is such a playa.

Let The Games Begin

Lock up your sons and husbands, Lohan is out of rehab. On Friday she was officially released from the rehab facility where she's been shopping, er, faking it, er, getting help. Ahem. What we can gather is that she was actually getting fucked up in rehab which is no surprise to us and of course the British tabloids have been all over that shit. There have been stories about how she has people give her large water bottles filled with vodka at AA meetings. Everyone wants to be her friend apparently, including her daddy who is freaking loving the publicity. We also heard she was hooking up with Sonny Bono's son, also a patient there. Her publicist put out a story that Lohan was moving to Manhattan and looking to attend college. Yeah, and we're about to run a marathon. Puh-lease. Lohan gave the obligatory paid interview to OK! magazine but her comments are too ridiculous for us to even bother typing out. Hey, we have standards.

It's A Slow News Week

We could go on and on about the Danny Bonaduce situation, but the above video explains all you will ever need to know. We happen to be fans of Danny's via his show, Breaking Bonaduce, not to mention the Partridge Family, and his sincerity at the the end of this interview is real. That other dude, we saw on this horrible reality show on VH1 where they filmed a movie of reality stars, we can't remember the name of it, but the guy actually got kicked off the project. No, it wasn't Survivor when he pretended his grandmother died to get ahead, that's on CBS. Anyway, you get the point. No charges have been filed against Bonaduce, although Fairfuck has filed a civil lawsuit against him. Of course.

Hopefully This Mess Will Stay In Vegas

In between sets of her magic show in Vegas, Pam Anderson married Rick Salomon. On Letterman, Pam's second husband, Kid Rock, said, "I wish somebody would have given me the advice I'm about to give Rick Salomon. Why buy the cow, when you get the milk for free?" Then he said, "I wish them much happiness." Pam wore a denim miniskirt to the ceremony, which we suppose is better than the white bikini's she's worn to her other weddings, but still. During the 90-minute ceremony/reception which featured pigs in a blanket, a fake cardboard wedding cake, and macaroni and cheese, Pam lovingly referred to her new husband as "Scum." Seriously. We couldn't make this shit up. Best wishes to you, Pammie. (Something tells us you're gonna definitely need it.)

Brit's New Video For Gimme More

The video for Britney's 'Gimme More' will premiere on Monday on MTV and VH1, but of course it was leaked and can be seen above. Jive, her record label, said that the vision and concept were completely Brit's own and she also handpicked the first-time director. Considering the stills from the video shoot, the end result is better than we had expected. Actually, at this point our expectations for her are so low that she could have just sat there and we would have said Bravo.

One Step Closer To Butter Face Status

Jessica Simpson showed off her latest nip/tuck in New York last night and her face is almost becoming unrecognizable. Nice legs, though.

Maybe She'll Have Triplets

Congratulations, officially, to Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony on their pregnancy. Granted, they have not acknowledged she's preggers, but that first photo makes it obvious. At least to us anyway. Plus there's that nose thing. This will be J.Lo's first baby and her husband's third. And he's her third husband. Good things happen in three's apparently.

Still With The Insane Wardrobe...

We doubt that this is actually a shot from the Sex and the City movie currently filming in New York. We think they're drumming up the hype and we know Carrie Bradshaw would not be caught dead in that wedding dress. At least we hope we know. If we're wrong we just spoiled the movie and Carrie ends up marrying Big. BUT, if she does, we guarantee it won't be in that dress. Please Lord, don't let it be in that dress.

All We've Got Is Wow

The interview that Kid Rock gave to Rolling Stone garnered its very own AP story. Basically he said that Pam Anderson lied about miscarrying his baby so that he would come visit her in Canada. He said, "She's in Vancouver shooting a movie and I have Lakers seats on the floor, and I'm gonna go to the Lakers (basketball) game with my friend Jesse James," the 36-year-old rapper says. "I'm like, `Baby, I got these tickets. I'll see you on the weekend there,' and that leads into her saying, `You don't care about me, blah blah blah,'" Rock says. "She finally comes up with this: `I just had a miscarriage' ... and hangs the phone up." Rock, claiming he was unaware that Anderson was pregnant, says he chartered a plane and flew to Vancouver. "When I get there, she's partying at this restaurant, drinking champagne, jumping on the tables. I'm thinking, `That's a quick recovery from a miscarriage.'" Wow. Um, wow.

I'm A Driver Now, Y'All

After the judge in Brit Brit's custody case stripped her of custody of her 2 sons on Monday, she immediately turned them over to Kevin's bodyguard and went off to the tanning salon. We kid you not. The judge gave her until today at noon to give them up after her parental rights were revoked. Apparently she lost custody because the judge saw her on TMZ driving the boys around without a California driver's license. Thankfully she went ahead and got that taken care of yesterday. According to Brit's lawyer, she also has not participated in the drug testing, parental training, blah, blah, blah. On a lighter note, Gimme More is the #3 song on the Billboard chart and remains #1 on the download charts. That's something. Right?

I'm About To Have Me Some Fun

We just heard this while driving and it took us right back to 2002. Even though R. Kelly is a freak, this song still rocks. Enjoy.

We Are Still Loving Amy Winehouse

We're sure this was a photo op set up by her record company, but regardless, our new favorite girl is looking fabulous. Thank the Lord she stopped wearing those ballet slippers. The kitten heels suit her and they remind us a bit of this. Rock on doll.

!!!

Congratulations to Jenny from the Block and her impending motherhood. Lopez has talked ad nauseum about wanting to have a child and finally now it appears she is preggers. She has been wearing loose fitting clothing for at least a month now and now she has the pregger nose. Remember Brit Brit's nose? It's common for pregnant women to experience a widening of the nose and J.Lo's usually aristocratic nose job has expanded to its usual size. We think it may have something to do with the increased sense of smell that animals gain when pregnant. Who knows. We do, however, know that the outfit she wore to open her tour with husband Marc Anthony is ridiculous. What is she thinking?! Yes, we just used the exclamation point. In our opinion that outfit deserves it. In fact, we hate that last photo so much that we'll actually give it three exclamation points. So there.

I See London, I See France

Our little Brit Brit (aka Baby Jessica) showed up at Starbucks with her newest pup, London. We must admit he's very cute. The shorts Brit is wearing? Not so much.

The Lowdown On Lohan

Lohan has been in a Utah rehab for more than a month now and when her mother Dina was asked about an imminent release, she replied via email, 'Not true, staying in Utah.' Lindsay has reconciled with her father and the two will spend five days together at an undisclosed facility. You know they'll get all drunk together. There were rumors that Lohan had sex with a fellow rehabber in a bathroom and now the guy's wife is divorcing him. The guy (above) is named Tony and is in some band and normally wears a lot of eyeliner. Yeah, one of those. Anyway his wife's family is worth a couple of billion dollars so her lawyers are going for the throat. Oh, and they have 8-month-old twins together. Lohan's rep issued a statement saying that Lindsay and Tony are friends and that she was not involved in the demise of the marriage. We think Lohan did her a favor because why would this chick be with a drug-addicted, eyeliner-wearing loser like him anyway? He's 39 years old and wears eyeliner. Enough said.
Moving on...Steve-O went on Howard Stern and described how Lindsay stole cocaine from him. Apparently she was at his house and came back saying she left her wallet in the bathroom and swiped his stash. If that's not pathetic, we're not sure what is. In happier news it looks like Lindsay may have discovered the reason that people love dogs (below). She has at least one dog herself although we've never seen a single photo of him, and we try to keep on top of these things. She probably traded him for drugs. We kid.

Laughing At Paris Is Fun

The always hilarious David Letterman was gracious enough to have Paris Hilton on his show which aired Friday, and she wasn't even smart enough to play along. This is some of his best work, and she really needs to not take herself so seriously. Apparently she said she will never go back on his show. Puh-lease. Like she has anywhere else to go? It's isn't all bad though...we commend her on letting her hair grow out naturally, no matter how ridiculous it looks. And congrats to her on breaking into legitimate acting which we've heard is very difficult for porn stars. She's a trailblazer.

Third Time's A Charm?

Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon applied for a marriage license in Las Vegas yesterday, making this the third marriage for each of them. Pammy just turned 40 and Rick is 38. Rick starred in Paris Hilton's porn video, One Night In Paris, and was previously married to Shannen Doherty (Brenda Walsh) and some other girl. Pamela, was married to....well, you know all about her thoughts on marriage. She wrote on her blog: "Rick has been a friend for 15 years. … I finally am fulfilled in my life in every area. I’m a responsible devoted mom. I’m in love -. And my work is fun and creative. I’m healthy….I’m having the best time in my life." She seemed to be having the best time of her life recently with Tommy Lee (below) but that could be interpreted in several ways. Okay, maybe not, but we hope things work out better this time around than with Kid Rock. Mazel Tov to the happy couple.

Brit Brit Is Our New Baby Jessica

While we're not saying that the Fedster didn't have anything to do with Brit's rapid decline, we are confident that her betrayal of Justin was the catalyst that began the whole debacle. It's almost as if she fell into an uncovered well and the whole nation is waiting to see what happens, but more about her later. Above, Justin closes his world tour by throwing his shirt into an audience of screaming fans. He's appeared in numerous movies and we thought his role in Alpha Dog was rather impressive. He just won an Emmy, several VMA's and is nominated in five categories for the European VMA's. Obviously Brit has been regretting that cheating with the back-up dancer ordeal (who was BFF with Wacko Jacko and completely playing for the other team) but this here....this is like salt in the wound. But the rest of y'all...enjoy.

Bruce Cutler Wins Again

The jury in the Phil Spector murder trial was deadlocked 10 to 2 so now the whole ordeal has to be done all over again. Those 2 jurors holding out for not guilty are now relaxing on a beach with a daiquiri in hand, with Cutler 2 cabanas away. Guaran-fuckin-teed. Spector is obviously guilty and a freak at that. He actually has the above sign on his house. Absolute freak. As you may know, we watched quite a bit of the trial and this guy is nuts. He told his driver, "I think I killed someone," while holding a gun with blood all over it. The driver called 911 and said my boss just killed someone. Um...it was on tape. We all heard it. Do rich Hollywood freaks actually have to be videotaped killing someone for them to get convicted? If that's the case, TMZ should start taping all the celebs at all times. Oh wait, they already do that.

Six Degrees Of Sutherland

Shortly after the above photo was taken, Keifer Sutherland got into his car and did an illegal u-turn in front of the club he had just left and of course, got a Dee-wee. He was officially charged today and hired Lohan's lawyer that got her the 1-day sentence for her two arrests so obviously he doesn't have much to worry about. Keifer is on probation for a DUI he got in 2004 and we believe he's had like 4 dee-wee's altogether. We lose count. While we're on the subject, his father Donald is brilliant as patriarch Tripp Darling, on Dirty Sexy Money which premiered this week on ABC. And again while we're on the subject, albeit a different subject, if you've never seen Ordinary People, please do. Now that we're on the Donald Sutherland subject, that reminds us of another amazing performance he gave in Six Degrees of Separation. Okay, we'll stop now.

Totally Being A Slacker Is Awesome

Our apologies for the absence of intriguing gossip this week, but in our defense there was not much to be found. (And we were too busy enjoying the last days of summer.) Anyway, Nicole Richie returned from Hawaii and began her 18-month anti-drinking course, a consolation prize for her numerous arrests. While our interest in her fell by the wayside long ago, we're kind of warming up to her again and are thrilled that she is looking so great these days. Her boyfriend? Not so much.

It's Cold Down Here, Y'All

While Lohan is resting up in rehab, The News Of The World has launched its first attack against their new favorite target, Britney Spears. Fortunately Brit's story doesn't include S&M photos, but her former bodyguard gave an extensive interview with all the sordid details. Ugh. She really needs to make everyone she employs (or hooks up with) sign confidentiality agreements. Fat Tony also gave this information to the court handling the custody case which led to her court-ordered drug testing. Apparently when she was preparing for those "showcases" in the spring, she was all hopped up on crystal meth. The day of her first show she nearly overdosed in a hotel room with dirtbag Howie Day whom she met in rehab. That might explain why she wore a bra to perform in, and wrote all over her skirt. As for the rest of it, Brit's expression below says it all. To top it off, she was charged with hit and run and driving without a license following a fender bender she had in which she left the scene. The paparazzi filmed it all so the case is pretty open and shut, and if convicted she could spend 6 months in jail. We're no experts on rock-bottom, but we dare to venture that Britney has hit it.

Our Boy Takes A Tumble

Gorgeous George and the luckiest woman in the world, aka Sarah Larson, were hurt in a motorcycle accident in Jerswah this weekend. They collided with a car on a narrow road and he broke a rib while his girlfriend broke her foot. He should take this as a sign that he should not be in a relationship with this Fear Factor chick. Not to be master of the obvious or anything, but he can do much, much better.