Tabloids Are Funny

It's crunch time for Victoria Gotti and Bonnie Fuller after Nick and Jessica announced they broke up. Celebrity Living has the WORLD EXCLUSIVE story on their plans to adopt a baby, and Star has a photo of a pregnant Jessica. Gotti beats out Fuller with her fake baby story because she doesn't have to do the miscarriage story like Star did to follow up the fake pregnancy they gave Demi Moore over the summer. It's only a matter of time before Gotti and Fuller start directly attacking each other and somebody gets whacked. We miss The Sopranos.

Maddox Is All Grown Up

Maddox has benefited from Brad's love affair with his momma Angelina and has now found a new best friend and the confidence to walk on his own. Bravo.

We Love Nick

Five days after officially announcing his split from wife Jessica Simpson, Nick Lachey and the WB network started promoting the new show Nick will star in as a 'newlywed' baseball player. The show is being developed by a co-creator of 'Mad About You' and is set to air next fall. Here's hoping his tv marriage lasts longer than his real one.

Better Late Than Never

Ugly drinking guaranteed.

Tara Celebrates

It's amazing how different she looks from the invite, the photo which she also used on an invite during Taradise. We suspect she's ready to tackle Broadway after her recent career defeat. Or Playboy. Whichever.

A Smart Move For Tom

Tom finally replaced his publisister with a professional media rep so we probably won't be seeing much more of Crazy Tom Cruise, but Family Man TomKat is in full swing.

Simpson Distraction

Following Ashlee Simpson's drunken tirade in a Canadian Mickey D's, Papa Joe Simpson trotted out his client/daughter, Jessica to distract us all. Seriously, this marriage between Nick & Jessica is getting boring and it's either time for a baby or a divorce. Or another reality show.

Madonna Rocks

Madge performed at the MTV Europe Video Awards and stuck to her purple disco theme. Holy toned lady.

Happy Belated Birthday Tara

In honor of Tara turning the big Three-Oh, we watched the Taradise episode where she's in Sardinia. It was very, very long and inspired a new level of pity for our gal. But Roberto Cavalli has a kick-ass yacht.

Paris Is Still A Nasty Porn-Star

At least we can always count on her to be consistent.

What's Eating Loser Leo?

Supermodel Gisele Bundchen finally dumped Leonardo DiCaprio making this the first exciting thing to happen in Hollywood in weeks. Gisele has taken up with Kelly Slater, a surfer, and apparently Leo is way depressed about the whole thing. George Clooney, whom she asked out years ago (he declined saying he was too old) should arrange a meeting between his BFF Brad Pitt and Gisele. Then everyone* would live happily ever after.

*This does not include Leo, Angelina or Jenifer Aniston.

Vaughniston Lives

Vince Vaughn is yucky. And what's with the grunge plaid? Maybe it's 1991 in Chicago?

Germany Has Tabloids?

Henry looks like he'd rather be sleeping.

Sell, Sell, Sell

People magazine is paying millions for these photos and K-Fed's sex for money scheme has come full circle. There is, however, the slight chance that Brit feels like she's selling out her son and won't go through with the deal, but that's just a rumor and they need to buy Cheetos.

And Then Stage A Kidnapping Plot....

Mrs. David Beckham explains the finer points of making a sham marriage work. Too bad for Katie that she's not fake marrying David Beckham.

It's The End Of The World As We Know It

Nobody likes a quitter so we hope it's just a rumor that Tara gave up drinking. Sauced up or sober, for the love of God, please hem your jeans already.

TomKitten Makes An Appearance

We're no experts on pregnancy but it seems that Kate Cruise is four or five months along which means she got pregnant a few weeks after they started dating. This photo is from the cover of Life & Style and the accompanying article claims that Katie's father is pissed that they didn't get married before pro-creating and said that Tom is "no good." Tom's people are saying that hopefully the pregnancy will put to rest the rumors that their relationship is a hoax. We're guessing Katie had one last fling with her ex-fiancee and she's actually carrying Chris Klein's baby.

Tara Loves Her Ex-Lax

Page Six ran this today, "Which surgically-enhanced starlet ate Ex-Lax every day on the set of her recently-canceled TV show in a desperate bid to stay svelte?" And if that wasn't enough, Tara blabbed on and on to Steppin' Out magazine: “How many more years are [the media] going to pick on me? There’s other new young bad girls. Move on to someone else! … I need one more great movie role so they say, ‘Wow, she can act! She’s a great actress.’ Then I think they’ll leave me alone … If I’m going to try and do something, it has to happen this year. I’m not stupid.” […] “People think [I am just a party girl], and it’s bull[bleep],” she ranted to Hayden. “I wish they would just tell the truth. I’m not a drunk … I don’t have a drinking problem. I don’t have a drug problem, for sure. “Listen, if I could get good movies, you would never see me going out. But when there’s nothing to do, what am I supposed to do, just sit in my house and go crazy? But going out is not all I do.“I’m just fed up. I just want a chance again. I want to show that I am an actress … I just wish a director would believe in me.“The gossip reporters know the truth. They know they could write good things about me. They could write I’m a good person who is cleaning up her act. I am getting older, and I want different things in my life. I want to get married and have kids. “I’ve had a million publicists, and they’ve done nothing for me … Publicists are supposed to fight for me and believe in me, and they don’t do that. They don’t!
“I thought ‘Taradise’ was going to help me … I wanted to show the whole world the truth — I’m fun … But do I think it was cut like that? No. It could have been a better show … I didn’t want to look like a total party-girl drug retard. I think the shots they show aren’t fair.”

At this rate Tara will be in a rehab with American Pie co-star Natasha Lyonne before too long.

Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire

A member of Brit's entourage is threatening to release a videotape of her and K-Fed having sex before she got preggers and those who've seen it were disgusted by it and agreed the scene was pathetic. Brit bragged on her reality show, Chaotic, that she had a HOT sex life with K-Fed but we think she was just trying to make Justin jealous.

Lohan Cracks Her Car Up Again

This time she smashed into a van at a high rate of speed and the police say the paparazzi were not involved. Valium, Linds, valium.