The City....In My Pants

We refuse to pay our full attention to "The City," as it is clearly the flagship in Hulu's assault on our brains.



But seriously, what the fuck is going on here? If it weren't so utterly mindless, this show would blow our minds with the baffling questions it raises regarding the line between reality and theater/performance and what happens to that line when an observable phenomenon doesn't come close to meeting the qualifications for either of these categories.

Tamarama - The City - MTV Shows

This poses an extraordinary danger that goes far beyond the cultural wasteland that will result from an explosion of musical performances that combine the staleness of a studio recording with the technical proficiency of an amateurish live performance and the energy of an opium den. If reality TV and real life continue to fuse and reproduce and spew out this twisted non-reality abomination, real life as we know it could cease to exist. We will explain how exactly how this calamity will unfold shortly. For now, we just want to make sure you know that The City is a black hole that threatens to engulf and destroy reality as we know it.

Is "Sober House" Stupid, Ironic or Just Cruel?

Clearly we are naive and have yet to get hip to the logic of contemporary reality TV, because our first reaction to VH1's vicious-cycle-recovery-relapse-extravaganza took on an element of smug superiority: "Obviously this environment will lead them to a relapse with the pressure of the cameras, etc..." We will not arrogantly presume to be smarter then the big-wigs who created "Sober House-" just more humane and decent, apparently.

The individuals responsible for this travesty must know that the putative clean living facility they've created for our viewing pleasure includes all the ingredients of an adult Lord of The Flies. We can't help but applaud the brilliance in devising a way to televise the ordeals of celebrities with substance abuse issues that garner so much attention. Accomplishing this, however, requires putting vulnerable individuals in need of genuine help and support under what amounts to the magnifying class of individuals playing God by sadistically incinerating insects. We would expect this indifference to human suffering from soulless TV executives, but Dr. Drew, who supposedly took an oath to do no harm, has earned himself a special place in Hell for his part in this modern-day equivalent of a Roman Coliseum.To continue the coliseum metaphor, David Douchetraub serves the same purpose as a lion sent to devour hapless Christians. He is a big, dumb animal whose arrogance, egoism, and generally obnoxious behavior inflicts psychological carnage on the show's participants at a vastly faster rate than they would inflict it on each other- their various destructive instincts restrained by basic human decency and the delusion that anyone expects-or even wants- "Sober House" to resemble its bullshit title.

Ayn Rand: Real Housewife of New York City

If the arrogance, soulless materialism, and inhumanly large forehead didn't exactly spell out a connection between real housewife, Alex McCord, and prophet of Godless capitalism, Ayn Rand, we have (somewhat belatedly) stumbled upon undeniable evidence that the would-be socialite adheres to Rand's so-called philosophy of objectivism. While catching up with the housewives in fevered anticipation of next Tuesday's premiere, McCord quoted, approximately: "if you observe something that you think is a contradiction, check your premises, because one of them is wrong." This reeks of Atlas Shrugged. Nobody quotes Ayn Rand unless they actually buy into her bullshit.
While the ordeal of watching McCord's shallow social-climbing is not as compelling an example of the destructive influence of Ayn Rand's legacy as that of former fed chairman/John Galt wannabe Alan Greenspan's ideological preference for reckless deregulation (which contributed directly to the financial meltdown of 2008), we can't just let this slide. It takes a special kind of stupid to consider yourself smarter than everybody else just because you've read a fictional account of an individual who is smarter than everybody else. At least they aren't scientologists.

A Very Hilton Holiday

Finally! We think the "blogger is a bitch" issue has been solved with the help of our new BFF, Firefox. Sorry, Explorer, we had a good run together but we're just not that into you anymore. Speaking of BFF's, Porn-star Paris Hilton has a silly show on MTV about finding a new BFF which we refuse to watch, even if there is absolutely nothing else on. Apparently she's not getting enough attention from the paparazzi these days so Hilton announced she is officially back in whore mode. After nine months of dating Benji Madden, brother of Nicole Richie's baby daddy, Joel Madden, the couple is dunzo. In true Paris fashion, she got it on with her ex-boyfriend Stavros Niarchos in Miami before actually letting Madden know that she was done with him. As we head into the slow holiday gossip cycle, we predict Paris will date seven guys, get in two drunken brawls and have at least three pregnancy rumors surrounding her. Holy 2006.

Blogger Too Big For Its Britches

We have no idea what is going on with blogger right now. Everytime we try to upload a photo, we get this crazy "operation aborted" pop-up with an accompanying scary sound. Hopefully the magic of the iPhone will allow us to tell you all about Paris Hilton and how she's causing major déjà vu. And blogger? Get your act together.

Seldom Turns Out The Way It Does In A Song

As you can see, the puppies are back online (below) and are now six weeks old. All of them have been spoken for and their adoptions will take place before Christmas which means that we have to start looking for another happy diversion. Luckily for us, those crazy gals in Hollywood are up to their old tricks (literally, in some cases) so we get to judge them from behind our veil of anonymity. Yummy. A big welcome home to Kara Sweet Gobron after a tough battle fought. You totally rock.

Just Because

Barney Bites Back

President Bush congratulated President Elect Obama and offered his family a warm welcome to the White House. The Bush dog, however, did not share the sentiment and expressed his displeasure to a reporter from Chicago. The new First Pup has not been chosen yet, but Obama assured the press corps that the family will choose a shelter dog that is "a mutt like me."

Delusion Of The Day

You know how sometimes you'll be driving and a song comes on that you totally love, so you start singing along? Certainly, you say, music is fun. We sometimes sing T.V. theme songs or ditties we compose on the fly about how cute the puppies are. Growing up, we sang in the church choir and in the sixth grade we sang a few solo's in a Christmas play and then, we moved on because that's what folks do. Only certain people like Elza or Beyonce should sing professionally. They are singers. Kim from 'The Real Housewives of Atlanta' is not a singer. Like...she is the opposite of a singer. If we didn't know Dallas Austin is a famous producer (that once got busted in Dubai with blow) then we would swear the above clip was filmed as a joke. Unfortunately for everybody involved, Kim is serious. And what in the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks is up with her hair?!? That shit is straight up plastic. Kim needs to move on. And buy a better wig.

YOU Get A Puppy and YOU Get A Puppy!

The White House will soon be full of life with first daughters, Malia and Sasha, and a new puppy! We love puppies and have found a new little brood to keep an eye on, above. The six puppies sleep a lot, but even that is entertaining as their dreams are quite vivid. Don't worry if you don't see them in their bed, they're out for a tinkle break. For a full screen link to the cuteness, click here. Enjoy.

President Barack Obama

Today is the single greatest day in the history of our nation. We have never been more proud of being an American. Yes, We Can!

Tragedy Precedes Victory

Barack Obama and his sister just released the following statement:

It is with great sadness that we announce that our grandmother, Madelyn Dunham, has died peacefully after a battle with cancer. She was the cornerstone of our family, and a woman of extraordinary accomplishment, strength, and humility. She was the person who encouraged and allowed us to take chances. She was proud of her grandchildren and great-grandchildren and left this world with the knowledge that her impact on all of us was meaningful and enduring. Our debt to her is beyond measure.

Our family wants to thank all of those who sent flowers, cards, well-wishes, and prayers during this difficult time. It brought our grandmother and us great comfort. Our grandmother was a private woman, and we will respect her wish for a small private ceremony to be held at a later date. In lieu of flowers, we ask that you make a donation to any worthy organization in search of a cure for cancer.

Eight Years Later

Once upon a time, the advertising geniuses behind Budweiser created a campaign that became a staple of popular culture. The "Waaaassssssuuuuupppp" commercials featured a group of Joe-Six-Pack actors and made a lot of money for Anheuser-Busch and its distributors such as Cindy McCain, whose individual wealth is an estimated $400 million. Anheuser-Busch was purchased by Belgium-based giant InBev over the summer, but what happened to the original actors that made it all happen? The answer is above.

So What, I'm Still A Rock Star

The divorce of Madonna and Guy Ritchie continues to evolve as the dust settles and we try to understand the logic behind the no pre-nup decision. Seriously, if you're worth $500 million then it goes without saying that you make him sign a pre-nup. Even Brit Brit got that part right. At least Madge can console herself with A-Rod while she listens to Pink's 'So What' on repeat. Stay tuned for Madonna to tear shit up in Manhattan like it's 1989. "You deserve the best in life, So if the time isn't right then move on. Second best is never enough, You'll do much better baby on your own. Express yourself."

Douchebag Does Time

Anne Hathaway's ex, Raffaello Follieri, started serving a 4 1/2 year prison sentence today after being convicted of fraud. The dumb idiot had the nerve to collect call Anne's New York apartment yesterday. She didn't accept the charges because he didn't use 1-800-COLLECT. We kid, she wasn't home when he called. Karma is a bitch, but this one wears Chanel.

iPhone Test

Okay, so here's the deal. We are totally in love with our new iPhone and yes, we would marry it if we could. Speaking of marriage, next week same sex couples will be permitted to marry (and divorce) here in Connecticut. Three states down, forty-seven to go. What celebrity couples will take the plunge...Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson, perhaps? Lilo is due for some good publicity after she got fired from Ugly Betty. Now that we've figured out the mobile blogging thing, we'll be on the scene to bring you the scoop. Now pardon us while we go break up with our laptop.

Life Is A Mystery, Everyone Must Stand Alone

The spokeswoman for Madonna just confirmed that she and Guy Ritchie are getting a divorce. Madonna caused a commotion this summer when the wife of Yankee star, Alex Rodriguez, divorced him due to his relationship with the material girl. Currently on her 'Dry and Sour' world tour, Madonna denied the rumours that she was getting with A-Rod from la isla bonita, but the two were spotted together last week in the city. So now it's official, Guy and Madonna will be divorced by Christmas. The couple were married for eight years and have been on the brink of divorce for the last three. After turning 50 years old, Madonna obviously needs a holiday to celebrate. Rock it out, girl.

Superstar, Where You From, How's It Goin?

Brit Brit released her video for "Womanizer" last night and we are rather pleased with the results. ABC News premiered it after the 20/20 interview featuring Barbara Walters and Peter Cook of Christie Brinkley fame. Coincidence? Probably not. We're guessing Baba had it planned all along. Rather than strangle Elizabeth Hasslebeck on 'The View,' she channeled her disgust into a subtle slamming of Cook and his douchebag ways. While Peter may be a Womanizer, at least he's not a Republican. That's something. And somewhere in Vegas right now, K-Fed is rejoicing in his revisited relevance. Who? Exactly.

Sarah Palin Is Kind Of Annoying

The folks at Funny or Die came up with the above Sarah Palin Spoof starring Gina Gershon. We were just reading about Palin's son, Track, and his addiction to Oxycontin. Gross.

Britney And Her Hat-Trick

Oh. My. Gahhhhhhhhh. Brit Brit totally won all 3 Video Music Awards that she was nominated for, including Video Of The Year, and she looked fantastic doing so. Bravo, Brit Brit. Bravo.