Jeffrey Sebelia Is Still A Loser

Our beloved Project Runway is over and Jeffrey the Junkie walked away with the top prize. Ugh. We're hoping he doesn't spend the $100,000 on heroin as that would break Miss Heidi Klum's heart. Tim Gunn's too. It's wonderful that Jeffrey traded the hypodermic needle for a sewing needle (and several tattoo needles), but this is not an after-school special. He went over budget and outsourced his work. Not cool. Our fave, Michael Knight, showed a collection that was a bit too ghetto safari and the judges were not feeling it. Oh well. Michael has a bright future ahead of him and rumor is he's dating Brandy. And yes she was there to cheer him on at Bryant Park. Too cute. Uli already has a following in Miami, and Laura will hopefully open a boutique on Madison or sell her dresses at Bendel's, just as soon as she gives birth to that sixth child. And throws "it on the pile with the rest of them." We'll miss you Michael and Laura. Auf wiedersehen.

Madonna And Child

It's one thing after another surrounding the adoption of their baby for Madonna and husband, Guy Ritchie. People were upset that they were getting special expedited treatment in bringing their new son David home. The couple released this statement yesterday: 'My husband and I began the adoption process many months prior to our trip to Malawi. I did not wish to disclose my intentions to the world prior to the adoption happening as this is a private family matter. After learning that there were over one million orphans in Malawi, it was my wish to open up our home and help one child escape an extreme life of hardship, poverty and in many cases death, as well as expand our family. Nevertheless, we have gone about the adoption procedure according to the law like anyone else who adopts a child. Reports to the contrary are totally inaccurate. The procedure includes an 18-month evaluation period after which time we hope to make this adoption permanent. This was not a decision or commitment that my family or I take lightly. I am overwhelmed and inspired by my trip to Malawi and hope that it helps bring attention to how much more the world needs to do to help the children of Africa. My heartfelt thanks for all the good wishes I have received and I hope the press will allow my family some room for us to experience the joy we feel to have David home.' Madonna recently donated $3 million to the orphanages of Malawi and with BFF Rosie O'Donnell talking about her goodwill on 'The View,' Madonna's stock is definitely rising. Although Madonna did hand out signed copies of her children's book to people in Malawi, she didn't directly mention Kaballah. Smart.

The Return Of Britney Spears

Little Miss Brit Brit has taken off her baby weight and is looking fabulous. She was out and about in Malibu over the weekend sans K-Fed and the kids. Word is she's working on a new album. Thank Jesus.

Pandemonium In Pune

Brangelina has received more coverage since being in India than when they were stateside. First there was the drama surrounding this rickshaw ride when one of their bodyguards choked a photographer. Then the car in which Angelina was riding in hit a young man on a motorcycle. THEN, Donald Trump went on Larry King Live and said, "She is not even that attractive. I think he's (Brad Pitt) a smart guy for narrowly dodging the marriage issue. I'm not a fan of hers as you probably noticed. I know her father. Her father is a nice guy. I think she treats him like a dog but maybe they have some kind of a thing." He went on to say, "I mean this poor sap, he comes along and he practically begs her, 'I want to see my grandson. I want to see this.' I mean if I were with him, I'd say 'Forget it. It's over.' I think he's a great actor and she just treats him terribly. She's been with so many guys she makes me look like a baby, OK, with the other side. And, I just don't even find her attractive. That has nothing to do with why I said it though." Now another photographer is claiming that her bodyguard pulled a gun on him. Meanwhile, Jennifer Aniston was on today's Oprah and Brangelina was not mentioned at all so now that Oprah has moved on, perhaps we all can. And no, Jen and Vince did not break up. At least not this week anyway.

Tara Tells The Truth

Ready for some happy news?! Tara Reid finally admitted that her trip down plastic surgery lane was a mistake. We have been saying that for over a year and now she has finally seen the light. Unfortunately for Tara it may be too late for her career, but she has a plan and she told US Weekly all about it. She wants to find a man and start a family as soon as her fix-it-up surgeries heal. As always, we're hoping she makes a comeback even if it's just so we don't have to feel so badly for her all the time.

ABC, Easy As One Two Three

The time has come and Michael Jackson is now officially a white woman. Earlier this year he was seen applying make-up in a ladies' restroom during a shopping trip in Bahrain. His publicist said that Michael made a mistake and could not read the Arabic writing and went into the wrong restroom. Um, he's been living in Bahrain for a year now so perhaps he should learn these things. And why does no one care that he's putting on make-up? Also this year he arrived in Ireland wearing women's scarves. Add all of that with the fact that he regularly wears an abaya, the traditional dress of Muslim women, and you have a man that really, really likes to dress as a woman. Remember that video with Lisa Maris Presley when he was half-naked and had the body of a girl? If he truly is transgender then perhaps he should just become a woman and live his true life, as Oprah would say. The public will pretty much accept anything at this point from him just as long as he stays away from little boys. And we're reaching here, yes, but doesn't his daughter Paris kind of look like Macauley Culkin? She definitely looks nothing like what Michael Jackson used to look like. And Culkin is Godfather to Paris and Prince Michael. Hmmmmm.

Mama-donna Hearts Malawi

Madonna's daughter, Lourdes, nick-named her mom Mama-donna and she is living up to her name with the adoption of a one-year-old boy from the African nation of Malawi. The baby's mother died shortly after giving birth and his biological father gave an interview saying that while he does not know who Madonna is, he is very happy that his son will have a good life with the American. Madonna recently traveled to Malawi which is in Southeastern Africa bordering the countries of Tanzania, Democratic Republic of Congo (Zaire), Zambia, Zimbabwe and Mozambique, to open a much-needed orphanage there. As long as we don't hear any Kaballah blah, blah, blah in the coming weeks, we're back on Team Madonna.

Adios Anna

Anna Nicole Smith received $1 million from People magazine for the above photos and lost a lawyer in the process. Michael Scott, a member of Anna's legal team, has withdrawn as her spokesperson and counsel telling the Associated Press, "A disagreement on a commercial transaction made it difficult for us to remain as counsel. It was not an amicable parting." He added that there were "strong differences of opinion between myself and Howard over strategies." We happen to think that this "marriage" is more about the law stating that husbands and wives can not be called to testify against one another rather than proving paternity. Being that Anna and Howard were the only people with Daniel prior to his death, they will obviously be questioned in his death. The Bahamian police traveled to Los Angeles to look into Daniel's life and interview his acquaintances while Anna, Howard and baby DannieLynn have remained in the Bahamas. The body of Daniel has been at a funeral home in the Bahamas since his death on September 10th. A memorial service for Daniel was held by his father, family and friends in Mexia, Texas, where he was born. Aside from the sale of photos to the tabloids, Anna has not released any statements regarding anything. Her new husband, Howard K. Stern, gave details of the ceremony which included champagne and Kentucky Fried Chicken, but did not indicate when they plan on laying Daniel to rest. First things first, right?

Simply Smirnoff

The rift between Shanna Moakler and Paris Hilton heated up yesterday when Shanna appeared in New York City for the launch of Smirnoff Arctic Berry and was interviewed by the NY Post. "I don't think [Paris] she's a good person. She makes a lot of money pulling these stunts in the media, and I want nothing to do with it. I'm not the one getting DUIs. I'm not the one in police stations. It's all juvenile and stupid." Our thoughts exactly, Shanna. Speaking of Smirnoff, Pam Anderson is apparently a big fan of the Ice (above) while the Raw Tea is a big hit here in New England. Check out the very funny Tea Partay video here and as always, drink responsibly playa.

Dysfunction Junction

Kate Moss and Pete Doherty have had a very eventful two weeks and they are both back to where they started. The two got back together after Pete was released from his court-ordered rehab and she toured with his band in Ireland and they were reportedly planning their wedding. Again. (Prior to his latest arrest, they had planned a wedding in Ibiza where Kate and their friends were waiting when he was nabbed for drug possession.) So all was lovely for the two until this week when his band was playing in London. Pete went to Kate's apartment after the gig and re-appeared on the street at 3 in the morning wearing no shirt and barefoot. He quickly went back to rehab and his tour has been cancelled. Apparently they have broken up. Again. And Kate is back to ridin' that train.

It's All About Paris - Nicole Paris Edition

The famous feud has ended and Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie are back to being BFF's and just in time for the new season of The Simple Life in which they will be camp counselors. We're expecting an appearance on Letterman by the duo as Sarah Silverman eluded to in her MTV speech, but no explanation for the estrangement will be given. That's probably because the whole thing was orchestrated for the media attention as was the reconciliation. Nicole talked in Vanity Fair about how she needed to change her friends after rehab and while Paris has been frequently photographed smoking pot, it's not like she got high at a wildly inappropriate time, say at Nicole's wedding, as she and DJ AM called it quits. As for the rumor that Nicole showed Paris' porn movie at one of her dinner parties, Nicole has denied doing that and Paris has only said, "Nicole knows what she did." Whatever that means. We're just thankful that the two are back together and we wish them the best. Now if only Paris could get Nicole to stop wearing that hideous red lipstick, all would be right in Hollywood.

It's All About Paris - Eva Tony Edition

Technical difficulties have prevented recent posts, and our software continues to be uncooperative. We have contacted our host and have been assured all will be grand shortly. While we are unable to post photos at this time, we can give you the latest on our fave celebs. [Update: we're back in business.] So, one week ago Eva Longoria fell down the stairs of her trailer while on the set of Desperate Housewives. Off to the hospital she went and then off to Paris she went, bruised ribs and all. There she met up with Tony Parker and from the looks of things the couple is indeed reunited. Reunited and it feels so good. Reunited 'cause we understood. There's one perfect fit, and, sugar, this one is it. We both are so excited, 'cause we're reunited, hey, hey.

It's All About Paris - Posh Katie Edition

Katie Holmes and Victoria "Posh" Beckham attended Fashion Week in Gay Ol' Paree and the BFF's seem to be getting along swimmingly. We're just thankful that Katie has a fashion advisor these days so we don't have Crazy Tom Cruise guiding her choices. No word on when Posh and Becks will become Scientards.

Tacky Tori Talks Too Much

Only Tori Spelling could overshadow the joy of pregnancy with inappropriate comments. We gave up on her in the weeks following the passing of her father as she appeared at events and made disparaging remarks about her grieving mother. In public. On television. Now that she has effectively ripped the heart out of Candy Spelling, Tori has resumed her attacks on husband Dean McDermott's first wife, Mary-Jo. In an obvious dig at Dean's ex-wife who is 48, Tori said, "When you have a young wife, they can actually have more children because they start younger. I'm young and virile. I can handle it." Obsessed much?

Plan B Stands For Brangelina

Brad and Angelina arrived in Pune, India today to begin production on the film "A Mighty Heart" which stars Angelina and is produced by Plan B, the company Brad started with ex-wife Jennifer Aniston. Brangelina will remain in India for at least a month which should be plenty of time for Aniston to get her act together in L.A. following what should be the final break-up of Vaughniston. Brad just gave an interview saying that he wants to have a family of six children by next year and that he and Angelina would eventually like to have nine kids or so, enough for a soccer team. If ever there was a doubt as to why Brad divorced Jen, it just vanished...at least for us anyways. Hopefully Jen's career is keeping her warm at night.

Nicole Richie Is A Clown

It seems like just yesterday that Nicole Richie and Brody Jenner were so in love and things were looking up for all involved. This week, however, Brody kicked Nicole to the curb and popular opinion attributes the break to her obsessive, jealous ways. Nicole's rep released this statement, "Nicole and Brody are no longer dating but remain close friends." The next day Nicole posted this on her MySpace page, 'Relationship? I know there are rumors regarding my "breakup" with Brody Jenner. The truth is, we were never really together. We hung out, and he's a nice guy, but my heart was never in it. Anything further is just a cry for publicity.' We say thank you to MySpace for allowing users to convey their crazy in the time it takes to type a sentence. In the old days, starlets like Lindsay Lohan had to resort to wearing message t-shirts on MTV, i.e. "You Were Never My Boyfriend" in order to ungracefully handle being dumped. Technology rocks.

What Happens In Vegas

Brit Brit hasn't been in the news since giving birth to her son Sutton Pierce which probably has something to do with the fact that her publicist, Leslie Sloane Zelnick, has been on hiatus. We think Zelnick has been too busy dealing with her other big client, Lindsay Lohan, but either way Britney has been handling her publicity all on her own. That strategy seems to be working out fine as long as there are no Matt Lauer interviews in her future. The Spears family is not without its scandal, however, and K-Fed's friends continue to sell gossip to the tabloids. Star reported in its Oct. 9th edition that 'Kevin's Leaving Britney!' and went on to report that Brit is not going to let Kevin go off partying like he did after Sean Preston was born. "This time," the source says, "Britney's ready to show Kevin who's boss. If he just takes off, I think there will be trouble." Proving that silence is sometimes the best policy, Brit has not commented on the fact that Kevin reserved a table at Tao in Vegas last Friday and Saturday to celebrate the club's anniversary. While he was smart enough not to have his picture taken with the ladies in his entourage, there are plenty of reports detailing his playboy behavior. We just hope there's no video.

Holy Drama-Rama

What a week Paris Hilton has had. She postponed her Dee-Wee court appearance because she was in Europe "promoting" her album which included a night out in Amsterdam's red light district with Travis Barker. She was in Vegas over the weekend for the 1st anniversary party for Tao which included another showing of her bits to onlookers.

And Wednesday was the kicker as she terrorized Shanna Moakler at L.A. nightclub Hyde. Barker's soon to be ex-wife and Paris were friends at one time until Paris tried to get with Shanna's then-boyfriend and father of her daughter, Oscar de la Hoya. Then Paris jumped on the Travis Barker bandwagon and the two girls apparently had a confrontation which led to both of them filing police reports. Paris was out with Stavros Niarchos and Paris Latsis while Shanna was out with her friend, Cheryl, from Dancing With The Stars. Reportedly Stavros pushed Shanna down some stairs and dumped his drink over her head. Paris claims that Shanna punched her in the face. Based on reputations alone, we're on Team Shanna. And does Paris have any girlfriends or does she only hang out with guys she's slept with? We were just wondering.

Was It Colonel Mustard?

The circus surrounding the Anna Nicole Smith tragedy and the subsequent Baby-Daddy drama has resulted in a distasteful scenario of epic proportions. It began when Anna gave birth to a baby girl in the Bahamas where she had purchased a home and was granted citizenship. Three days later her son Daniel flew in from L.A. via Miami and was picked up at the airport by Anna's lawyer and BFF, Howard K. Stern. The two drove to the hospital where they met up with Anna and took pictures of the happy family which appeared in last week's tabloids. Sometime in the next few hours, Daniel fell asleep on a bed in his mother's room and mysteriously died during the night. Anna, Howard and Daniel were in the room the next morning and tried to revive Daniel with the help of the medical staff. Hospital employees have claimed that Anna was screaming at Howard as if he had caused her son's death, then she was given a sedative and does not remember any of the events that took place. Anna hired an independent pathologist to determine the cause of death and he went on record saying a combination of methadone, zoloft and lexapro were to blame. Bahamian officials stated today that they will continue to investigate the death of Daniel and will release their own reports detailing the specific levels of each of the drugs in Daniel's system. Methadone is primarily used to treat heroin addiction and while Daniel was known to be on anti-depressants, no explanation for the methadone has been given. Then things got really sketchy as Stern went on Larry King Live and said he was the father of the baby girl although photographer Larry Birkhead was told by Anna that he was the father. Then Anna and Howard got up at 3 in the morning and took a boat ride out to sea where they had a commitment ceremony with a minister present. While the marriage is not legal as of yet, the laws in the Bahamas state that if a married couple claim paternity of a child then the husband is rightfully the father of said child, in this case, Danni-Lynn, the baby girl. Yes, she named the baby after her son that just died. Now today, Larry Birkhead has filed a lawsuit demanding that the baby be returned to California for DNA testing AND he wants Anna and the baby to be drug-tested. The suit goes on to say that he is concerned for the welfare of his child, Anna uses drugs, yadda, yadda, yadda. We're not sure where this is all going but if this was an episode of Footballers' Wives, Anna will test positive for methadone and she will turn out to have accidentally caused the death of her own son. In the conservatory with the candlestick.

Attack Of The 50-Foot Woman

TomKat went out to dinner Friday to discuss their wedding plans followed by an appearance at his daughter's soccer game on Saturday. Perhaps we missed the Xenu memo, but what's with the all-black ensembles? Are they living in 1997 Manhattan? We can understand Tom wearing this because, well, he's Tom Cruise and style has never been his strong suit. But Katie? Shame on her. And the stockings? Dear Lord. Flesh colored fishnets work. Black fishnets do not. Unless of course you're a hooker. Or Vegas dancer. Even then they're questionable. We won't get into the freakish height difference or the fact that Tom is starting to look like a woman. Just hire a stylist. Please.