Three Years And Then Out

Justin Timberlake broke up with Cameron Diaz, and he is set to go on a world tour for his new album. Cameron is set to go on a drinking binge.

The Interview - Setting

In the aftermath of Thursday night's sad, sad interview...Brit Brit has been in South Beach while K-Fed appeared at a nightclub to promote his new album. [Insert joke here.] The scenario was as follows: she chewed gum the entire time, she wore a see-through tank top, her nails were super short and painted by a five-year-old in a hideous mauve pink, her make-up and false eyelashes were atrocious, as were her hair extensions. The NBC crew thought they had arrived on the wrong day when they saw her appearance and her handlers explained today that Britney is a "grown-up" and that is why they were not present. And then she began to speak.

The Interview - Air Quotes

Apparently Brit saw somebody use air quotes and thought it was cool or something because she air quoted the following words within one hour: far, story, person, target, technically, pro-love, try, and young blonde girl. Air quotes are not cool and are actually really annoying. Really.

The Interview - Lies, Lies, Lies

Aside from the ridiculous tank-top, Brit actually looks cute in the above pic which is reminiscent of Matt Lauer's first interview with her seven years ago. Dateline aired clips of that interview featuring Brit singing a Christmas carol at Rockefeller Center and she was just so sweet and darling. Flash forward to an obnoxious, lying, defensive 24-year-old, and that is where we find ourselves now. Lauer asked her about the incident in New York when she almost dropped her son - "You tripped on your jeans?" She answered that the street was cobblestone and she tripped on the street. It happened on 57th street and the only cobblestone in NYC is in the Meat Packing District. Dateline showed the video with Brit holding a glass in one hand, her son in the other, and her jeans covering her platform shoes. (Hems, ladies). Lauer asked her why she was crying after it happened and she said, "I was really hungry." Brit summed it all up by saying that it was an "oops" and there will be a hundred more oops and that her brother got in four motorcycle accidents when he was thirteen and had to be airlifted to the hospital. Whatever the f-ck that means. Lauer asked her what she would say to people that say Kevin left his girlfriend when she was six months pregnant with his second child, and she said that Julia Roberts' husband did the same thing. Dateline pointed out that he did not do that. Lauer confronted her with all the tabloids that were saying she would be divorcing and she answered, "I should start my own magazine." Then she laughed at her own stupid joke. Then she repeated it. And laughed again. Lauer asked her about the people that call her a "redneck." She answered, "I'm not a Bible belt." They showed a clip of Kevin wearing a red t-shirt that pointed out the redneck towns in California. It was a sad day in America.

Poor Little Rich Kid

There had been reports that obnoxious drunk Brandon Davis had entered rehab this week at the urging of his mother. Those reports, however, were wrong. Brandon, who did a 2001 stint in rehab for alcohol and cocaine abuse, has apparently not embarrassed himself or his friends and family enough to grow the f-ck up. While his irresponsible drinking has lost him countless friends and got him turned away at L.A.'s hottest club (Hyde) the other night, he continues to act like a complete ass. Perhaps his mother should start with teaching him how to shower and then work her way up to respectable behavior. Everything at once might seem a little overwhelming.

Brangelina Update

In this week's issue of Forbes, Angelina Jolie gives an interview regarding her UN work and 'candidly acknowledges her crusade [charity] has an extra upside: It diverts movie fans, supermarket tabloids and the media from focusing on more controversial and less attractive elements of her life.' Angelina came in at number 35 on Forbes' Hot 100 List of Celebrities, making $14 million in the last year. Aniston also was ranked 35th, making $18 million. Brad came in at number 20 and made $25 million. Factors such as Google mentions, TV mentions and magazine covers determined the rankings. Brit Brit didn't make the list.

Brit And Matt On Dateline Tonight

What is up with the hair, Brit? We know you can afford a proper dye job so let's get it together. We were sorry to hear that Madonna has cut you off, but we do respect her position. We also understand why Mel Gibson is selling his $24 million mansion in Malibu to get away from you, but you musn't take these things personally. Some people will give up on you when it seems you are beyond help but as long as you try and improve yourself, all will turn out just fine. One more thing - please, please, please start wearing proper attire. If not for yourself, then for the children.

Five-Month-Old Baby Drives A Car!

Brit Brit and K-Fed were photographed together for the first time since March and according to Brit, their marriage is awesome. Matt Lauer interviewed Brit and she explained the driving incident with, "I did it with my dad. I'd sit on his lap and I'd drive. We're country." This is a change from the "I was protecting my son from the photographers," story she gave earlier, but the country thing is refreshing and Lohan already used all the paparazzi ate my homework excuses.

It's All About Me, Me, Me

Rather than muster up any sort of grace in the wake of her horrid behavior, Denise Richards is intent on spreading negativity until we cringe at the very thought of her. In the midst of moving her children out of their home (which was in the same neighborhood as former BFF Heather Locklear) trampy Denise found time to tour Europe with Richie's band Bon Jovi. Upon returning to the States, she went off to Vegas to perform with the PussyCat Dolls and gave this quote to ET, " I was so thankful that Angelina had that baby....I'm like please have that baby so it takes away from us." A simple, "I'm so happy for them," would have sufficed but that would not be keeping in line with her special brand of crazy. Just so we're all on the same page here, Denise was in two movies, married the biggest playboy in Hollywood, used his connections to appear on some TV shows, had a baby, posed naked in Playboy, had another baby, slept with her best friend's husband, and sued her own husband for divorce because he looked at porn on the internet. Now it's time for her to go away. Or star in next season's Surreal Life. Whichever.

TomKat Revisited

Poor TomKat has been eclipsed by Brangelina and we're wondering how we'll make it through this summer without those crazy Cruises to poke fun at. Obviously we are only blessed with their antics when they have big movies coming out, and we can only hope the wedding is around the corner. The pre-nup negotiations are on-going with recent numbers giving Kate $3 million for each year that they are married, up to a total of $33 million. After 11 years, all bets are off and California's one-half law takes effect. We can expect a divorce a la Nicole Kidman after 10 years and six months (which is exactly how long they were married). Speaking of Nicole, her wedding is June 25th in Sydney and she has hired all the helicopters in the area for a reported $300,000 so the paparazzi can't get photos. Nicole, honey, unless Brangelina is invited...nobody really gives a shit.

Brangelina Blah, Blah, Blah

TMZ.com has the video of Angelina talking and Brad sitting. We were bored, but you may find it interesting as she explains that it's hard to be a refugee. Thank you, master of the obvious.

Shiloh Mania

Did you hear? Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie had a baby.

Namibia's Catch-22

Brangelina gave a press conference yesterday with the President of Namibia and announced that they have no plans to marry because "a ceremony on top of this would be nothing." Whatever the f-ck that means. Angelina looks lovely post-baby except for the Billy Bob tattoo that she has been trying to have lasered off for years now. How does she explain Mommy's giant Billy Bob snake to Maddox? (Or to herself for that matter). Brad looks hot as always, but we have to wonder how you can have a country's government ask for your approval when allowing visitors to the nation, yet you are unable to find a tailor to hem your sleeves.

We Love Perry

So this is Perry Taylor, Brit Brit's new bodyguard and the cause of quite the hub-bub as of late. Perry is a 28-year-old Naval Academy graduate and is with Brit and Sean all the time which has lead some tabloids to label him "The Manny" or K-Fed's new threat. Yes, Perry helps out with the baby and with Brit, but he also has a serious girlfriend that his mother called a knockout. They have been together for two years and live together as well. We are noticing, however, that Brit has started wearing lipstick and washing her hair so we say keep this guy around forever.

Lohan Leaves Us Speechless

First of all, the long shorts are ridiculous and this "trendy" phase needs to end soon for everybody's well-being. And the LEATHER shorts with matching shoes and hat is beyond words so we'll move on. After the whole Brandon Davis shouting mean things about Lindsay situation was resolved (and Brandon promised never to call her "fire-crotch" again), his grandmother mistakenly told some of her friends that the two kids were dating. Lindsay's rep responded with this statement: "Lindsay took the high road and accepted Brandon's apology last week, but they are not dating and they did not go to dinner together. Lindsay is dating several men who live overseas." Yes, you read that correctly. Several men.

Four Million Dollar Baby

Brangelina has sold the first photos of baby Shiloh to be published in the U.S. to People magazine for $4.1 million. Hello! magazine bought the international rights and all the cash will be donated to a charity still to be named. You may be asking, why didn't Brit Brit think of this? Well, she's not that charitable and they needed to buy Cheetos. And is that a wedding band on Angelina's finger?!

Jessica Who?

Meet Kim Kardashian, a stylist that is now dating Nick Lachey. Kim is 25 years old and the daughter of the late Robert Kardashian, a lawyer on O.J Simpson's dream team. Like Nick, Kim is also divorced and she has a semi-famous sister that appeared on a reality show while Nick's brother, Drew, won the reality competition Dancing With The Stars this past season. With his album staying in the top 20 and the new gal on his arm, Nick seems to be doing very well indeed. Congrats.

Must See Summer TV

Our favorite funny girl, Kathy Griffin, is back with her second season of 'My Life On The D-List' on Tuesday nights at 9pm on BRAVO. The season premiere is tonight and we can't wait to see what's going on with Matt and Renee Zelwegger and the main gays and the puppies and the live-in gay visionary and Star Jones....it's sure to be hilarious.

Brit Brit Part Three Of Three

What is with the curlers in public? Seriously. Are they taping an episode of Hee-Haw in the streets of Malibu and you're trying to be an extra? We will, however, give you another gold star for using two hands to carry your son, and the sensible shoes may be the smartest move you've made in years. And that, my dear, is a Bravo Hat-Trick.

Brit Brit Part Two Of Three

Now we know why little Sean is always wearing a hat. Luckily he's too young to have memories of his scary fall from his high-chair, but that scar looks like it will stay with him for life. If she's this irresponsible now, we can't bear to imagine her with two children. We will give her another gold star for wearing a bra, albeit black and completely showing. Bravo, bravo.