Girl, You'll Be A Grandma Soon

The Real Housewives of Orange County was the original and in our humble opinion, it is still the best! Those ladies on the West Coast know how to bring the fabulous drama. We love us some Jersey trash, but the OC ladies have class. You would never hear that Vicki or Heather used to work at a strip club a la the Jersey and Atlanta Housewives. In the case of Gretchen, however, she sure knows how to dress like a stripper and work it.

What can we say about the Pussycat Dolls performance? Alexis said of her creepy husband, Jim Bellino, "Jim's not enjoying it, he's just......[pause].....being a very supportive husband." If Jim isn't enjoying himself it's only because he would rather be at a transsexual burlesque show. The only one more delusional than Alex is Gretchen in thinking that she could pull that song off. Dear Lord, bombs away, indeed. Wait, wait, Slade is off his rocker too. "I'm actually really concerned about Gretchen's performance. I worked very, very hard because this is such a big step career wise for Gretchen and that's important to us."

Tamra said,"I give her kudos for going up there. Her vocals? Ehhhhh, but she looked great." Vicki said, "I wasn't impressed. Like, how can she be up on stage?" The fabulous gay coach said, "You performed which is the most important thing." Gretchen totally should have taken Robin Antin's advice and sex whispered the notes that she was not hitting. Seriously. When the founder of the Pussycat Dolls suggests that you sing it a certain way, you really should listen. She knows what she's talking about.

This has been a tough season for Vicki with the divorce and her daughter's cancer scare and the infamous screaming match with Gretchen, and then there was crazy Sarah starting with her at the bowling party, it has been all too much. After crazy Sarah apologized, Vicki responded with grace which Gretchen should have done when Vicki apologized, but we all know grace and Gretchen are strangers.

The greatest news of the episode was that Briana ran off to Vegas with her Marine boyfriend and got married! This all happened back in October 2011, but news is in today that the happy couple is now expecting their first child. Mazel tov!

The Cabin In The Woods

The Real Housewives of Orange County is better than ever with the addition of Heather Dubrow into the mix. Heather is a nice Jewish girl from New York turned Hollywood Actress/Stay At Home Mom. Despite being married to a plastic surgeon, she is the most natural of all the OC ladies. Speaking of plastic surgery, Tamra Barney had her big, giant trailer park breast implants removed and her BFF, Vicki, was such a bitch about it. And what is up with Vicki's new boyfriend, Brooks?! He is total ugh and a big downgrade from Don Gunvalson, not to mention he is a little too interested in Vicki and Don's divorce settlement. Dude! It's none of your business! Back to plastic surgery - Alexis! She is a mess. After her nose job, she is one step closer to being an actual barbie doll. She had a gorgeous face, but now it's just generic and whatever. After their house was foreclosed on, one would think Alexis and her creepy husband would think twice about spending a fortune on plastic surgery, but they both went out and had extensive and very expensive work done. Brilliant.

Alexis planned for the ladies to go camping which she insisted on calling "glamping" which was annoying and not nearly as cute as she thought it was. Between complaining about her nose job and pretending she was too glamorous to be camping, Alexis got on our last nerve. Heather expressed our thoughts exactly when she said, "I wanna like Alexis and then she says these things that just make me nuts. Give it a rest, you don't have to prove anything to me. I don't care what you drive." Well said.