A Very Hilton Holiday

Finally! We think the "blogger is a bitch" issue has been solved with the help of our new BFF, Firefox. Sorry, Explorer, we had a good run together but we're just not that into you anymore. Speaking of BFF's, Porn-star Paris Hilton has a silly show on MTV about finding a new BFF which we refuse to watch, even if there is absolutely nothing else on. Apparently she's not getting enough attention from the paparazzi these days so Hilton announced she is officially back in whore mode. After nine months of dating Benji Madden, brother of Nicole Richie's baby daddy, Joel Madden, the couple is dunzo. In true Paris fashion, she got it on with her ex-boyfriend Stavros Niarchos in Miami before actually letting Madden know that she was done with him. As we head into the slow holiday gossip cycle, we predict Paris will date seven guys, get in two drunken brawls and have at least three pregnancy rumors surrounding her. Holy 2006.

Blogger Too Big For Its Britches

We have no idea what is going on with blogger right now. Everytime we try to upload a photo, we get this crazy "operation aborted" pop-up with an accompanying scary sound. Hopefully the magic of the iPhone will allow us to tell you all about Paris Hilton and how she's causing major déjà vu. And blogger? Get your act together.

Seldom Turns Out The Way It Does In A Song

As you can see, the puppies are back online (below) and are now six weeks old. All of them have been spoken for and their adoptions will take place before Christmas which means that we have to start looking for another happy diversion. Luckily for us, those crazy gals in Hollywood are up to their old tricks (literally, in some cases) so we get to judge them from behind our veil of anonymity. Yummy. A big welcome home to Kara Sweet Gobron after a tough battle fought. You totally rock.

Just Because

Barney Bites Back

President Bush congratulated President Elect Obama and offered his family a warm welcome to the White House. The Bush dog, however, did not share the sentiment and expressed his displeasure to a reporter from Chicago. The new First Pup has not been chosen yet, but Obama assured the press corps that the family will choose a shelter dog that is "a mutt like me."

Delusion Of The Day

You know how sometimes you'll be driving and a song comes on that you totally love, so you start singing along? Certainly, you say, music is fun. We sometimes sing T.V. theme songs or ditties we compose on the fly about how cute the puppies are. Growing up, we sang in the church choir and in the sixth grade we sang a few solo's in a Christmas play and then, we moved on because that's what folks do. Only certain people like Elza or Beyonce should sing professionally. They are singers. Kim from 'The Real Housewives of Atlanta' is not a singer. Like...she is the opposite of a singer. If we didn't know Dallas Austin is a famous producer (that once got busted in Dubai with blow) then we would swear the above clip was filmed as a joke. Unfortunately for everybody involved, Kim is serious. And what in the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks is up with her hair?!? That shit is straight up plastic. Kim needs to move on. And buy a better wig.

YOU Get A Puppy and YOU Get A Puppy!

The White House will soon be full of life with first daughters, Malia and Sasha, and a new puppy! We love puppies and have found a new little brood to keep an eye on, above. The six puppies sleep a lot, but even that is entertaining as their dreams are quite vivid. Don't worry if you don't see them in their bed, they're out for a tinkle break. For a full screen link to the cuteness, click here. Enjoy.

President Barack Obama

Today is the single greatest day in the history of our nation. We have never been more proud of being an American. Yes, We Can!

Tragedy Precedes Victory

Barack Obama and his sister just released the following statement:

It is with great sadness that we announce that our grandmother, Madelyn Dunham, has died peacefully after a battle with cancer. She was the cornerstone of our family, and a woman of extraordinary accomplishment, strength, and humility. She was the person who encouraged and allowed us to take chances. She was proud of her grandchildren and great-grandchildren and left this world with the knowledge that her impact on all of us was meaningful and enduring. Our debt to her is beyond measure.

Our family wants to thank all of those who sent flowers, cards, well-wishes, and prayers during this difficult time. It brought our grandmother and us great comfort. Our grandmother was a private woman, and we will respect her wish for a small private ceremony to be held at a later date. In lieu of flowers, we ask that you make a donation to any worthy organization in search of a cure for cancer.

Eight Years Later

Once upon a time, the advertising geniuses behind Budweiser created a campaign that became a staple of popular culture. The "Waaaassssssuuuuupppp" commercials featured a group of Joe-Six-Pack actors and made a lot of money for Anheuser-Busch and its distributors such as Cindy McCain, whose individual wealth is an estimated $400 million. Anheuser-Busch was purchased by Belgium-based giant InBev over the summer, but what happened to the original actors that made it all happen? The answer is above.

So What, I'm Still A Rock Star

The divorce of Madonna and Guy Ritchie continues to evolve as the dust settles and we try to understand the logic behind the no pre-nup decision. Seriously, if you're worth $500 million then it goes without saying that you make him sign a pre-nup. Even Brit Brit got that part right. At least Madge can console herself with A-Rod while she listens to Pink's 'So What' on repeat. Stay tuned for Madonna to tear shit up in Manhattan like it's 1989. "You deserve the best in life, So if the time isn't right then move on. Second best is never enough, You'll do much better baby on your own. Express yourself."

Douchebag Does Time

Anne Hathaway's ex, Raffaello Follieri, started serving a 4 1/2 year prison sentence today after being convicted of fraud. The dumb idiot had the nerve to collect call Anne's New York apartment yesterday. She didn't accept the charges because he didn't use 1-800-COLLECT. We kid, she wasn't home when he called. Karma is a bitch, but this one wears Chanel.

iPhone Test

Okay, so here's the deal. We are totally in love with our new iPhone and yes, we would marry it if we could. Speaking of marriage, next week same sex couples will be permitted to marry (and divorce) here in Connecticut. Three states down, forty-seven to go. What celebrity couples will take the plunge...Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson, perhaps? Lilo is due for some good publicity after she got fired from Ugly Betty. Now that we've figured out the mobile blogging thing, we'll be on the scene to bring you the scoop. Now pardon us while we go break up with our laptop.

Life Is A Mystery, Everyone Must Stand Alone

The spokeswoman for Madonna just confirmed that she and Guy Ritchie are getting a divorce. Madonna caused a commotion this summer when the wife of Yankee star, Alex Rodriguez, divorced him due to his relationship with the material girl. Currently on her 'Dry and Sour' world tour, Madonna denied the rumours that she was getting with A-Rod from la isla bonita, but the two were spotted together last week in the city. So now it's official, Guy and Madonna will be divorced by Christmas. The couple were married for eight years and have been on the brink of divorce for the last three. After turning 50 years old, Madonna obviously needs a holiday to celebrate. Rock it out, girl.

Superstar, Where You From, How's It Goin?

Brit Brit released her video for "Womanizer" last night and we are rather pleased with the results. ABC News premiered it after the 20/20 interview featuring Barbara Walters and Peter Cook of Christie Brinkley fame. Coincidence? Probably not. We're guessing Baba had it planned all along. Rather than strangle Elizabeth Hasslebeck on 'The View,' she channeled her disgust into a subtle slamming of Cook and his douchebag ways. While Peter may be a Womanizer, at least he's not a Republican. That's something. And somewhere in Vegas right now, K-Fed is rejoicing in his revisited relevance. Who? Exactly.

Sarah Palin Is Kind Of Annoying

The folks at Funny or Die came up with the above Sarah Palin Spoof starring Gina Gershon. We were just reading about Palin's son, Track, and his addiction to Oxycontin. Gross.

Britney And Her Hat-Trick

Oh. My. Gahhhhhhhhh. Brit Brit totally won all 3 Video Music Awards that she was nominated for, including Video Of The Year, and she looked fantastic doing so. Bravo, Brit Brit. Bravo.

Michael Phelps

Lil' Wayne (what's with the pants and the hand on the package?) who is the new Busta Rhymes, T-Pain, Leona Lewis and full orchestra just performed after an introduction by 8-time Olympic Gold Medalist Michael Phelps. Lindsay Lohan and Ciara are presenting the Best Dancing In A Video award. And the winner is....Pussycat Dolls for "When I Grow Up." They thanked God for being so awesome to them. Enough said.

Best Male Video

Chris Brown won Best Male Video and we were introduced to the Jonas Brothers. Insanity ensued. The awards returned to Los Angeles this year after being in various cities including New York and Miami over the past ten years...being that it's the 25th anniverary of the VMA's, they brought it on home. The Jonas Brothers performed on the back lot of Universal Studios where Seinfeld and Friends filmed and like we said, insanity ensued. Photos to follow.

Best Female Video

Jamie Foxx is the first presenter and he is hammered. Totally drunk. Anyhow, the nominees are Britney Spears, Katy Perry, Rihanna, Mariah Carey and Jordin Sparks featuring Chris Brown. And....Brit Brit won for "Piece of Me." She thanked God, her family, her boys and her fans. Oh, and she's sitting next to her manager, Larry Rudolph. DJ AM and Travis Barker are the house band and they're freakin' rockin' it out.

Brand For Barack

The host of the VMA's, Russell Brand, just begged America to vote for Obama on behalf of the world. Bravo.

Holy Rihanna Production

So Brit Brit looked awesome and they showed a pre-taped video of her and Jonah we forgot his last name, but he was in Superbad, and it was rather funny. Rihanna is opening with the craziest dance song thing we've seen in a very long time. Photos to follow.

The MTV Video Music Awards '08

The top photo of our beloved Brit Brit was taken last week. The middle, a couple of months ago and the bottom was when she was at Mel Gibson's place. She has come a long way, baby, and tonight will be her big comeback at the VMA's (MTV 9pm). Spears is nominated for Video of the Year, Best Pop Video and Female Video of the Year for her "Piece of Me" video. If she wins, this will be her very first Moonman after being nominated 16 prior times. It has been said that she won't perform at the show, but she will definitely be opening the awards ceremony which is hosted by British personality Russell Brand. Our guess is that she will perform and it will be awesome. Rock it out, Brit. And welcome back. We missed your crazy country ass.

Christian Is Our Hero

Generally we try not to be too sentimental here on the blog, but the story of Christian the lion is too precious to pass by. Over 8 million YouTube viewers have met Christian, and his story is now being made into a Hollywood movie. Now pardon us while we wipe our tears and go hug our baby puppies. Enjoy.

Democratic National Convention

The Convention rocked this past week. Oprah made a discreet appearance in a sky box at the stadium in Denver last night to see him accept the Democratic nomination. Earlier in the week at the Pepsi Center, Hillary and Bill gave great speeches after Michelle Obama kicked off the week before a surprising appearance and speech by Teddy Kennedy. For those of you that missed Clinton's speech, you can watch it below. It was the best of her career. Rock it out, Hills.

Pocket Full Of Kryptonite

So what's the deal with Tom Cruise always putting his hand in his pocket when the press is around? We're thinking maybe it's a secret signal to the Xenu followers or a love message to his boyfriend. Whatever it is, Suri is pissed. Seriously. Look at that kid. Like many Scientard kids (think Leah Remini's appearance on Rachael Ray) she's still on the bottle filled with barley water at like 3 years old. We're no experts, but that is definitely too old for a kid to be on the bottle. That's probably why she's so angry. She's wants her freakin' bah-bah. Last night TomKat attended a Broadway show and deflected attention away from fellow Scientard, Will Smith, after Page Six ran an oh-not-so-blind item about him -'WHICH hunk in a summer movie is a violent, closeted homosexual? The heartthrob snuck into his ex's apartment a few months ago and raped him so violently, the ex ended up in the hospital - and the actor paid him $500,000 to keep his mouth shut.' Six Degrees of Separation is one of our favorite movies, but we always thought it was strange that Smith refused to kiss his male co-star in the film. Imagine if Heath Ledger or Jake Gyllenhal said, "Okay, I'll portray a gay guy but I won't kiss another man." Hello! It's a movie. Do your job. Anyway, it's pretty obvious that Will's wife, Jada, plays for the other team and they have a Travolta/Preston marriage, but getting violent is totally scary. As are the Scientards, but you already know all about that. There was a police report filed but after receiving $500,000 cash the report was conveniently misplaced and he didn't press charges. But seriously, what is up with Tom Cruise and the hand in the pocket?

Gayelles Rejoice

Congratulations and best wishes to Ellen Degeneres and Portia de Rossi on their marriage yesterday in Malibu. After Ellen's infamous relationship with Anne Heche who tried out the lesbian lifestyle for a bit and then turned batshit crazy, we're so happy that Ellen found an amazing partner in de Rossi. Kudos to Portia for her outstanding roles on Ally McBeal, Arrested Development, and Nip/Tuck. She totally rocks. Ironically, crazy Anne Heche also appeared on Nip/Tuck back when Christian and Sean were still in Miami, but we digress. Hopefully the quote from today's New York Times about how being gay and single is like the new smoking will not cast a shadow on the happy newlyweds. Mazel tov.

Leavin' Never To Come Back Again

Our loyal reader Melissa in Camden mentioned to us that she would like more celebrity snark and less music videos, so we apologize for posting Leavin' by Jesse McCartney here. But we'll make a deal with you...for every one radio song that gets stuck in our head during the daily commute, we'll write two snarky posts. Speaking of, holy Lohan as of late.

Two Greats Gone Too Soon

The shock of Bernie Mac's death yesterday morning at the early age of 50 was followed with the sudden death of Isaac Hayes this morning at the age of 65. Both men will star in the film, Soul Men, to be released in November of this year. Bernie Mac began his career as a comedian and went on to win several Emmys for The Bernie Mac Show based on his true life experience of raising his drug-addicted sister's three children. Mac appeared in several films including the Ocean's Eleven films for which he appeared on Oprah and discussed his inflammatory lung disease which had been in remission since 2005. The actor was admitted to Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago last week with pneumonia and was expected to make a full recovery. Bernie Mac is survived by his wife of 31 years, Rhonda, and their daughter and granddaughter.

Isaac Hayes was found on the floor next to his treadmill in a basement room in his Memphis home by family members. A soul singer and songwriter, Hayes won an Oscar in 1972 for best original song for the film Shaft. Hayes also won several Grammy awards before filing for bankruptcy in 1976 when his record company took a financial hit. He attracted a new audience in the 1990's as Chef on the long-running show South Park. Somewhere in there, Hayes got himself mixed up with the Scientards. Two years ago Hayes suffered a stroke which caused him to leave South Park, although the "Church" of Scientology released a statement insinuating that he quit because of an episode that exposed the scariness of the cult. Chief-Scientards Tom Cruise and John Travolta starred in the Emmy-nominated episode called Trapped In The Closet. Cruise made such a stink about the episode that Sumner Redstone fired him from Paramount. Similar to Crazy Tom Cruise, Isaac Hayes was abandoned by his father as a child and his flamboyance had rumors swirling that he played for the other team. Tom has been married three times, Isaac has been married four times. In the past year, two opponents of Scientology have mysteriously died alone in their homes, so we won't be surprised if it turns out Hayes was no longer willing to pay 10% of his income to the church and they helped him along to his death. Hayes just finished playing himself in the film, Soul Men, which stars Jackson, Mac, Sean Hayes and Jennifer Coolidge. Isaac Hayes is survived by 12 children. Rest In Peace.

The Barack Obama Roll

Now that Senator Obama is on a week-long vacation with his family, the YouTube generation has stepped in to fill the void of press coverage. The original video has so much traffic at the same time that it was pausing and reloading so we downloaded/uploaded it here for a smooth ride. Enjoy. Oh, and big thanks to Baron de Bubba for keeping us all in the loop with his informative posts. Rock it out, kid.

Enquiring Minds Want To Know

John Edwards has finally admitted to having an affair with Reille Hunter beginning in 2006. He blamed it on the inflation of his ego surrounding his run for President. Apparently he felt he could do no wrong. During this same time Edwards' wife, Elizabeth, was diagnosed with an incurable cancer that she discovered while on the campaign trail with her husband. The Edwards family was on Oprah back in the day and we genuinely believed that John Edwards was a stand-up guy. Ummmmm, no. The good ol' Enquirer reporters got on the case after a woman on Edwards' staff came down with a good ol' pregnancy and now the rest is history. Edwards was visiting the mistress and her baby in a hotel when he was confronted by an Enquirer reporter at 3 in the morning. Edwards ran into a restroom in the basement of the hotel and refused to come out. Did we mention it was 3 in the morning? In addition to the $100 plus grand she received to film videos of Edwards on his press tours, the woman has been receiving up to $15,000 per month to keep the affair quiet. Edwards went on Dateline and said that the baby is not his and that he would do a paternity test if the baby mama agreed and you guessed it....baby mama does not want a paternity test. Oh, and he was not aware that she was receiving money. Of course.

The Fancy Dance Olympics

While the Olympics are displayed on all NBC's networks, the fashion and choreography extravaganza of the opening ceremony will only truly feel at home on Bravo, snuggled right in between "My Life on the D-List" and "Flipping Out."

But seriously: while this fabulous spectacle doesn't strike fear into the hearts of capitalists everywhere on quite the same level as endless columns of uniformed, disciplined, cold-blooded Soviets marching to the rhythm set by tanks and missile launchers, we should all take heed. While the commentator might suggest that the horde of dancers holding up a stage for one performer is a statement on the relation of the individual and the masses, the meta-"statement" of all the performances by the Chinese government is: "we have a ton of money and even more people, and we can do whatever we want with all of it. "

We just hope that if China does take over the world, the music they impose on us has some balls, like that which accompanied the mind-boggling, rockettes-on-steroids, pulsating-human-squares number, as opposed to the sing-songy crap which accompanied the finale and many of the other absurdly extravagant displays of economic clout and readily-available cheap labor.

Those Baby Buyers Are Bananas

This summer has been a disappointment thus far in celebrity news so many thanks to People and Hello for giving us something to talk about. We are very happy for The Royal Family and their new twins, Knox and Vivienne. But for the love of God, 14 million frickin' dollars?! It's a good thing the economy isn't in the shitter or this type of greed might seem excessive. Poor little Shiloh only raked in $4 mil for her photos. At least Shiloh made it onto the cover, unlike those other kids that no one seems to care about anymore. Sadly for them, Maddox, Pax and Zahara just moved one step closer to becoming "the adopted ones." Sort of like Connor and Isabella Cruise. Who? Exactly.

Six Degrees Of Spencer Pratt

The culmination of a creatively bankrupt TV genre, The Hills, has endorsed the culmination and/or the impotent death spasms of a morally and intellectually bankrupt political movement, McCain for President. Without opening the Pandora's Box of political discussion over cocktails: it should come as no surprise that two guys who made a career of leeching off their mates and acting self-righteous on camera would feel drawn to each other.

The true meaning of this story remains open to interpretation. Spencer's announcement that he will be working with McCain's daughter to visit Iraq could be a subtle announcement that the reality TV community, like the military, will check its fantastic power in service of the civilian-elected government. The other, and more likely case, is that Spencer expressed his hope to see Heidi as McCain's running mate in order to set the stage for an upcoming season of The Capitol Hills. Prepare yourself for a domestically-focused Vice Presidency, as Spencer will throw a hissy-fit every time Heidi tries to schedule a diplomatic mission. The craziest part of this travesty: the studio planned this years in advance. After McCain dies of a heart attack brought on by the emotional stress of constant exposure to exaggerated, dour, reality TV facial expressions, Spencer will help Heidi select a new VP in a reality show a la Joe and Slade in the abominable "Date my Ex-Heidi and Spencer Edition." When asked for comment, Heidi simply said, "I love Jesus." Seriously. We could not make this stuff up.

Diary Of A Douchebag

Holy shitski, the divorce trial of Christie Brinkley and douchebag husband, Peter Cook, started last week. Fantastic!!! Among the things that Cook was forced to admit in open court was that he paid his mistress, Diana Bianchi, above photo, over $300,000 to keep quiet about the affair. If you're new to the drama, check out the background here. It has been exactly 2 years since Brinkley filed for divorce from Captain Douchebag. Among other things he confessed on the stand, he masturbated in front of his webcam on a swingers' site and sent threatening emails to Bianchi to make sure she didn't spill the beans. It was Bianchi's stepfather, (a police officer in the Hamptons) that told Christie of the affair. Certainly Peter Cook never imagined his last name would prove to be his destiny.

The Kids From The Block

We wonder what The Kids on the Block are trying to resurrect with their new music video. Whatever it is, they missed the appropriate window for "sexiness." First, they were a bunch of mildly homo-erotic kids clearly too young to be sex icons. Now, they look like a bunch of creepy older men hanging out with younger women and singing songs that recapture their idyllic homo-erotic youth.

As the female perspective on this subject (Princess Nobody) we declare Baron Bubba to be wildly off. But what would you expect from a straight 20-something male? Regardless, we kind of dig the video for "Summertime" and it reminds us of our freshman year roommate, Liz Liddell, and her love for the New Kids. Yes, Liz was from Boston.

Recycling Music....Al Gore Would Be Proud

So Kid Rock released a "new" music video. While it lacks the musical energy or inspiration to excite the purists among us, the singer(?)-songwriter(?) must have targeted the niche of people who like a little scandal with their rubber-stamp-bubble-gum-pop......

OK...let's grant him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he included words, music, and background vocals from "Sweet Home Alabama" as an homage- not as a desperate attempt to provide some soul to a song as devoid of life as the corporate boardroom in which it was probably written. (We would question the wisdom of paying homage to a song whose lyrics contain thinly-veiled old-school states-rights, segregationist lyrics, but that involves a variety of different debates for a different day; We are not in the business of analyzing Lynyrd Skynyrd songs.)

Even still: Didn't anybody on the song assembly line notice the striking resemblence of the piano part to "Werewolves of London?" Didn't Vanilla Ice get torn apart for doing the same thing? Maybe we should stop villifying Robert van Winkle and give him the respect he deserves: as a groundbreaker who cleared the way for talentless hacks who want to substitute public persona and cheap imitation for creativity and originality.

A Warm Welcome For Baron de Bubba

We would like to assure you that any funkiness you notice on our blog in the near future is not accidental. Baron de Bubba has arrived in town, with a mission to lay the funky grooves down. Word to ya mutha. Okay, that last part was added by Princess Nobody (our editor), but we presume that you already knew that.

George Carlin

The quintessential New Yorker, George Carlin, passed away on Sunday at the age of 71. Always one to tell it like he saw it, Carlin made judicial history in the 1970's after he was arrested for the above act. A NYC radio station later aired the Seven Dirty Words You Can't Say on Television and the Supreme Court of the United States set the standards for decency on the airwaves based on a complaint from an outraged listener. The seven words we'd use to describe George Carlin are: hilarious, brilliant, kind, moral, aware, influential and unforgettable. Rest in peace, Mr. Carlin.

Not Bad For A Nazi

Forgive us, loyal readers, we have been on the Cape and in vacation mode as of late, so the big news has fallen by the wayside. Jamie Lynn Spears gave birth to a baby girl, Maddie, in Louisiana on Thursday. Best wishes to the now 17-year-old. If her daughter is half as sweet as our Royal Puppy, Maddie, then the world is a much better place. We imagine Jamie Lynn's daughter will not incessantly lick everything in sight as our little princess does (top photo) and if she does, then we blame inbreeding. That was a joke, but not really. Auntie Brit Brit was present for Maddie's arrival after the court allowed her father to put her Studio City, CA house on the market. The listing price is $10 plus million. Oh, and that photo of Brit is from when she was spending time on Mel Gibson's island. What a lovely neighbor he is to reach out to our troubled young gal. Mazel Tov, Jamie Lynn.

When I Ruled The World

How much cold could a coldplay play, if a coldplay could play cold?

Music In The Morning

Happy heat wave. We love this song, "I'm Yours," by Jason Mraz. Enjoy.

My Morals Got Me On My Knees

Duffy is our new favorite Brit. Think Winehouse sans the wine.

After All, Tomorrow Is Another Day

For the first time ever, Bob Dylan has publicly endorsed a politician. Dylan told The Times of London, "Well, you know right now America is in a state of upheaval. Poverty is demoralizing. You can't expect people to have the virtue of purity when they are poor. But we've got this guy out there now who is redefining the nature of politics from the ground up — Barack Obama. He's redefining what a politician is, so we'll have to see how things play out. Am I hopeful? Yes, I'm hopeful that things might change. Some things are going to have to." Following the interview, Dylan shook hands with the reporter and as he walked out, turned and said, "You should always take the best from the past, leave the worst back there and go forward into the future."

Au Revoir, Senator Clinton

Damn, it feels good to be a gangster.

Bob Dylan - Like A Rolling Stone

When you ain't got nothin', you got nothin' to lose. Enjoy.

This Is Love, Redux

Our favorite singer of all time, Elza, rocks it out live at the Bitter End in NYC in the above clip. In recent Elza news, she just had identical twin girls, Savannah and Ashley (named after rivers in South Carolina where Elza grew up). The ABC documentary entitled, Hopkins, will feature several of Elza's songs so definitely tune in. A preview commercial for the film debuted during the Grey's Anatomy finale 2 weeks ago. While we never developed a love for Grey's due to our relationship with the Sopranos...we're all about loving Elza. She's our new Amy Winehouse. Plus our boy, Ben, attends Johns Hopkins. Six degrees, yo.

Standing On The Moon

I see the battle rage below. Standing on the moon, I see the soldiers coming home. A lovely view of heaven, but I'd rather be with you.

Cinderella Made New Friends

Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty (fresh from jail) filmed a few precious moments while they were cracked out of their minds. Our favorite part is when Amy's mouse tells Blake not to divorce "mummy." We look forward to the mice turning into horses to pull the carriage so Amy can make it to the ball.

Check Out The Big Tats On Brad

While his ladies were lunching, Brad Pitt took his sons on a helicopter ride over Monaco. It's safe to say that Mrs. Smith is having a significant influence on Mr. Smith. Our guess is that they let one of the kids write on Brad and then he had it tattoo's permanently. Cute.

Jailhouse Rock

Amy Winehouse has become the modern-day Keith Richards and we can only hope she divorces that gross husband of hers that is still in jail. Nice marriage. He's in jail. Weird. The latest gossip has her hooking up with the assistant to her manager. (above...the asst.) Anyway, Winehouse was supposed to record the title song to the next Bond film, but her friend and producing partner, Mark Ronson, said she's "not ready." Amy was also arrested twice in the past month, once for head-butting a guy in a pub, and once for smoking crack on that video. Ouch.

Oprah Is Totally Playing Cupid

Two new relationships have heated up with Mariah Carey marrying Nick Cannon after 6 weeks of dating and Jenifer Aniston looking fantastic with John Mayer. Both boys are 10 years younger than the gals. Both Mariah and Jen are BFF with Oprah and are now reaping the benefits. Hopefully they'll all campaign this fall. Ooooh, speaking of Obama, Scarlett Johanssen (one of his earliest supporters) is now engaged to Ryan Reynolds. Bravo.

YOU Get A Baby & YOU Get a Baby!

Speaking of babies...nearly all the gals in Hollywood are having them. Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry had one, Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman had one (and named him Max, a name we love), Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony had twins, Max and Emme and finally, Nicole Richie and Joel Madden had one and named her Bella. We are going on memory with those names, so apologies in advance for mistakes. On deck for babies are Angelina, Gwen, Jessica Alba, and Minnie Driver. Best wishes to all you lucky ladies!

correction: Nicole and Joel's daughter is named Harlowe. Not Bella.