The Comeback

Brit Brit and her kids left a dance studio yesterday where she has been reportedly been preparing for 3 performances at House of Blues locations. She and a group of back-up dancers will perform under the name 'The M&M's' in San Diego, Anaheim and The Sunset Strip with tickets selling for $35. Hopefully she won't screw it up.

No Cash For You!

The psycho that is Virgie Arthur was shot down in the Bahamas today and fined $3,000 for wasting the court's time. Anna Nicole's estranged mother had filed for custody of Dannielynn after the judge allowed her to be taken back to California with her biological father, Larry Birkhead. Arthur sued for the right to represent Dannielynn in her case against Anna's former husband's family for the big prize. Whatever. This crazy really needs to go away.

Welcome Back, Yusuf Islam

Remember when you were in High School and you absolutely loved Cat Stevens? Then he stopped making music and became all Muslim born-again like. That was a bummer. BUT! He's back and making music again to promote peace. He gave an interview in which he said his son came home with a guitar and he and it just got back together. And yes, he does feel badly about his abrupt departure from us all.

Celebrities Behaving Badly

The normally affable Hugh Grant was arrested yesterday in London for attacking a photographer with a tub of baked beans. The paparazzo told Grant that he had two children and the actor allegedly told him that he hopes they die of cancer. Grant's rep released a statement saying the actor did not in fact say the "c" word. Back in Los Angeles, rapper/actress Eve crashed her Maserati into a median and was cuffed and arrested for DUI. She had a late night visit at the jail from Sean Penn before she was released on $30,000 bail. The two had been hanging out prior. Random.

The Darling Of Def Jam

The video for Rihanna's "Umbrella" made its debut today, presenting silver body paint in a whole new light. Holy hotness.

The Hills Are Alive

US Weekly is all about the "The Hills" these days, featuring Jason Wahler and Heidi Montag in the recent issue. The above photo is Jason supposedly playing Russian roulette with his friends. Whatever. The sex tape he made with Lauren will not be released as it was deemed boring and he gave a lackluster performance. That should do wonders for his rep in jail. Add that to his racist and homophobic slurs to police and Jason is headed for a world of hurt. Meanwhile, Lauren's ex-BFF, Heidi Montag, bought herself some new boobs and had her nose done. These kids never learn.

A Rosie By Any Other Name

Somebody dropped the ball over at ABC and Rosie O'Donnell is leaving 'The View.' She said that they couldn't come to an agreement about her new contract, but that she would occasionally guest host next season and do specials about depression and autism. The only reason this show is still on the air is because of Rosie and next year will undoubtedly suck. Rosie released this statement: "This has been an amazing experience, and one I wouldn't have traded for the world. Working with Barbara, Joy and Elisabeth has been one of the highlights of my career, but my needs for the future just didn't dovetail with what ABC was able to offer me. To all the viewers out there, I just want to say 'thank you' for opening up your hearts and your homes to me this past year. But you can always find me at rosie.com. Here's hoping there's more confetti for all of us going forward." Bummer.

I'm A Pitt Now, Bee-atch!

The newest member of the Jolie-Pitt clan is one step closer to being official. You may recall that Angelina had to buy her latest child under her own name because Vietnam does not allow unmarried couples to adopt children together. Brangelina has filed the papers to change the tot's name to Pax Thien Jolie-Pitt. Rejoice. Seriously. Rejoice about this shit because aside from Britney's ever-changing wig selections, there is NOTHING going on in Hollywood. Pssst! Paris, now is your chance.

Workin' 9 To 5

The tabloids' claims that Brit Brit had head-to-toe liposuction may be true, but seeing her looking slim after a dance class was rather refreshing. Then she called a cameraman over from X17 and gave a speech about her manager, Larry Rudolph, basically calling him an idiot for making her go to rehab. Then she fired him. This sparked the following statement from her father to the NY Post:

"When Larry Rudolph talked Britney into going into rehab, he was doing what her mother, father and team of professionals with over 100 years of experience knew needed to be done. She was out of control. Larry was the one chosen by the team to roll up his sleeves and deliver the message, to help save her life. The Spears family would like to publicly apologize to Larry for our daughter's statements about him over the past few weeks. Unfortunately, she blames him and her family for where she is at today with her kids and career. Larry has always been there for Britney. For this, we will forever be grateful to him."

Sounds pretty right on. But Britney couldn't let it go and released this statement:

"I am praying for my father. We have never had a good relationship. It's sad that all the men that have been in my life do not know how to accept a real woman's love. I am concentrating on my work and my life right now."

Okay, so who is going to explain the below get-up? Anyone?

All Sorts Of Craziness

So we all know that Shanna Moakler and her baby daddy, Travis Barker, are back together after his fling and her fight with Paris Hilton. Over the weekend, Shanna posted the above message on her MySpace page explaining that someone had hacked into her page and sent messages from her account. Paris was previously rumored to have hacked into Lohan's blackberry account and just recently she supposedly hired someone to hack into her MySpace. Well, Shanna is not playing and posted this:

Friday, April 20, 2007PUT THIS IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT!Current mood: amusedI posted this blog back in January to let you all know that my accounts were hacked....and since there are 2 little girls with to much time on their hands and no one to love them....id like to share my "hacked" info as well. ive tried to disassociate myself from both these parties for some time now and like a fungus they wont go away.

Paris Hilton: princessph@mycingular.blackberry.net 310-801-0148

mailto:310-801-0148djllohan@tmail.com ( cause we like to pretend we are people we will never be talented enough to be)

Lindsey Lohan: labellavita7@tmo.blackberry.netHAPPY HACKING!

That was harsh with the fungus comparison. Shanna doesn't fuck around. Surely, Paris will not be playing on her side of the playground anymore. And in making sure that she screwed over every former friend she has, Paris hung out with Kevin Federline and posed for photos. Ugh.

Holy Madonna

Madonna & Co. left Malawai today after a six-day visit during which the children at the orphanage threw rocks at the paparazzi. Madonna and Lourdes brought David to visit the orphanage sans Guy Ritchie, who stayed home with Rocco. No purchasing of children occurred during the trip. Madonna did, however just collaborate on a song with Justin Timberlake in preparation for her new album which rumors to rock. You go ahead with your bad self.

Wack-A-Doodle-Do

A publicist close to Lohan has confirmed that she is getting it on with DJ Samantha Ronson, and added that he was under the impression that Lohan was pretty "out" with her bisexuality. Apparently Samantha loves the drugs and booze so those close to Lohan are a bit worried about their romance considering the whole rehab thing. Speaking of, Lohan is still into getting really high and giving interviews to the media. In an interview with Allure magazine she said, "When my friends and family are around me I feel like they're safe . . . When my friends have left me - I've just seen everything collapse. They're not safe without me." WHA?! She went on to compare herself to Marilyn Monroe and said, "It's so weird that I went to rehab. I always said I would die before I went to rehab." Whatever. Below is a screen cap of a conversation Lohan and Paris had on MySpace which has Lohan's rep threatening to sue. A hacker allegedly hired by Hilton got into Lindsay's private Myspace account and is setting up a website featuring all of Lohan's dirty secrets. It should be up and running over the weekend. Fun stuff.

Umbrella, Ella, Ella, Ey, Ey, Ey

This is our new favorite song and while the lyrics aren't all correct in this video, you get the idea. (We'll be sure to post the official video when it's released.) 'Now that's it's raining more than ever, Know that we'll still have each other. You can stand under my umbrella.' Rihanna rocks.

Debra Opri Starts Getting Paid

There's some kind of whack going on with Blogger so we're not sure if this picture is going to show up, but whatever. It's Larry Birkhead and Dannielynn sold to the American edition of OK! magazine for $10,000. The NY Post bought the rights from OK! so Larry is now just a bit over $600,000 in debt to his crazy lawyer.

American Idiot

In the wake of the Virginia Tech tragedy, it's difficult to know when it is appropriate to resume silly exercises like blogging about celebrities. Somehow Lohan's crazy doesn't seem so crazy this afternoon. Last night on American Idol, contestant Chris Richardson sent his thoughts out to Virginia Tech where he has a lot of friends going to school. Simon Cowell responded by rolling his eyes. Definitely not appropriate. We'll be back with the snark tonight.

The Royal Break-Up

After four years of dating, Prince William and Kate Middleton have called it quits. This probably didn't help.

The Blushing Bride

Eva's getting married! Felicity Huffman threw a bridal shower at her house for Mrs. Solis and fun was had by all. The wedding is set for 07-07-07 at a castle in Paris, Tony Parker's hometown. Hopefully he won't rap at the reception.

We Give Up

We've said it before, but we definitely mean it this time. It's all getting too desperate to bear. Not only are we completely overwhelmed by a monsoon here in the tri-state area, but we have to look at this crap on our computer screen. Seriously, the fake contacts are ridiculous. Oh, and Brit Brit was out at the clubs over the weekend. So much for rehab.

Friends With Benefits

A not so blind item has been making the rounds about a hard partying starlet in a lesbian relationship with a 3rd rate dj. The top photo is Lindsay Lohan and dj Samantha Ronson heading off to Japan together. The lower photos are of Lohan and Samantha out at a club, sharing a hat. Is it possible that she's run out of men to date?

The Laguna Lowdown

Now we totally understand if you're not into Laguna Beach and The Hills, so you can bypass this post and scroll down. For the rest of you, here's the latest on our favorite spoiled brats from Orange County. Before he heads off to jail, Jason Wahler decided to add a fourth arrest to his record, this time in Washington state. He was charged with assault and the arresting officer included Jason's racist statements in his log. Not only did Jason say he was a millionaire and would have the cop's ass, but he also used the "n" word as well as the "f" word (the one that rhymes with maggot). As for his classmates from high school, two of his ex-girlfriends have also been in the news recently. Jessica, below, was arrested for driving drunk and Lauren "LC" Conrad was rumored to have a sex tape (with Jason) coming out. Lauren is claiming that no tape exists and the rumor was started by her ex-roommate and ex-best friend, Heidi Montag and her sleazy boyfriend Spencer. Oy vey. In happier news, Lauren went clubbing Friday night with American Idol contestant Chris "Timberlake" Richardson. Too bad he was in the bottom 3 tonight.

Safe At Second Base

Sanjaya is not in the bottom 3. We're guessing Haley is out.

Trash Is As Trash Does

The half-sister of Anna Nicole Smith crawled out of her trailer yesterday to promote her book in New York. Donna Hogan met Anna only once in her life so she's basically a stranger trying to cash in on a tragedy. She sucks.

Mystery Solved

There have been several theories on why Sanjaya is one of the top contestants each week on American Idol. First there was the call center theory which suggested that Indian call center personnel were dialing in and voting. Mainstream media outlets like CNN investigated this and reported that the computers automatically dial the numbers at the call centers in India so that theory is out. (Not to mention that calls from overseas would not be counted.) The other theory was that Howard Stern's encouragement to vote for Sanjaya was the reason. That coupled with the website votefortheworst.com must be the reason that he was making it through each week. Some sort of conspiracy to take down the American Idol machine? We happen to think Sanjaya is a little cutie and if we may be so bold...Sanjayalicious.

The Final Eight Get Loco

It's latin night on American Idol tonight and Jenny from the block is this week's mentor. We're not feeling Sanjaya's new, shorter hairstyle, but hopefully he'll rock out. Shake your bon bon.

*UPDATE-Oh. My. God. First of all, they saved Sanjaya for last and he sang in Spanish! It was his best performance to date. Jennifer Lopez said, "He really impressed me. I like Sanjaya." Later she said, "I LOVE Sanjaya." Dial 1-866-IDOLS-08 to vote for him. Congrats Sanjaya, and we're totally feeling the goatee.

sanjaya

Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern Birkhead

The parties all came out of the courthouse just now and made their statements. Larry said, "I hate to be the one that told you this, but I told you so." Howard came out and said he will work with Larry to make sure that Larry gets sole custody. A reporter asked him if he would continue to live in the Bahamas to which he said yes, he would and that he would never leave Anna and Daniel there alone. He said Larry is welcome to come over and be with Dannielynn right now and that the change of custody should be gradual as to not harm the baby. Howard and Larry hugged each other and they seem to have a good relationship. Virgie was there too, sporting tons of make-up and teased hair and read a statement saying she is happy. Someone needs to whack that bitch.

Spring Break Like You've Never Seen!

Joe Francis, creator of the Girls Gone Wild empire, was arrested this morning at the airport in Panama Beach, Florida. Francis was held in criminal contempt of court last week after he changed the terms of a 2003 settlement with underage girls that he had videotaped for his series. Francis missed the deadline to turn himself in to the court so when he arrived at the airport, security and police recognized him and threw the cuffs on him. Sucks to be him.

Drumroll Please

The show is on the road down in the Bahamas. Howard K. Stern, Larry Birkhead and Crazy Virgie Arthur are in court right now where the DNA results will be revealed. Stern will not fight for custody of Dannielynn if Larry is the biological father. Arthur, however, plans on fighting for custody of the money, er baby, no matter what. Howard vows to stand alongside Larry in making sure that Vile Virgie does not get custody. Howard and Larry met yesterday to discuss possible outcomes of today's hearing. Virgie hired a whole new team of lawyers, wholly financed by Splash News and various media outlets. Howard hired Lin Wood to go after individuals for making false statements claiming that he murdered Anna and/or Daniel, so basically Virgie is screwed on that front. What comes around goes around.

K-Fed Pulls Ahead In The Polls

Brit Brit spent Easter at yet another Lakers game while K-Fed spent Easter with their children. Earlier in the weekend Kevin was in Vegas but was sure to return to Los Angeles Saturday night in time for the Easter Bunny to arrive. Thankfully one of these two has their priorities straight.

Dr. Feelgood Gets Felt Up

The doctor that prescribed all those drugs that killed Anna Nicole Smith is now being investigated by the California Medical Board. Eight of the eleven prescriptions were prescribed in Howard K. Stern's name, two were for Alex Katz, and one was prescribed to the doctor being investigated, Dr. Christina Erosevich. Of the medications, there were 600 pills missing with the oldest prescription filled 38 days prior to Anna's death. That's like 20 serious muscle relaxants a day. The bottle of chloral hydrate was 2/3rd empty and was less than 30 days old. Dr. Erosevich sent a request for the list of drugs to Dr. Sandeep Kapoor and he refused to fill it. Dr. Kapoor was also investigated by the CA Medical Board after it was revealed he prescribed methadone to Anna when she was 8 months pregnant. This practice is (surprisingly) recommended for pregnant mothers in certain cases, and the drug does not affect the baby. Dr. Erosevich was with Anna in Florida and randomly left right before she died which made Anna really upset and depressed. The two women lived next door to each other in California. In other Anna news, an announcement is expected within days regarding Howard K. Stern's hiring of the high-profile defamation/slander attorney, Lin Wood. He previously represented the parents of Jon Benet Ramsey and they successfully sued Time Magazine and quite a few of the news programs that perpetuated the idea that the parents killed their daughter. Howard dropped his appeal of the DNA testing for Dannielynn and the court fined him $10,000 to cover court fees and Larry Birkhead's attorneys. The court felt his appeal was frivolous. No shit, Sherlock.

Bumbling, Braless Britney

Brit Brit stepped out to Ruth Christ Steakhouse last night to celebrate Jamie Lynn's birthday. Unfortunately she still hasn't bought into the bra idea. We won't even get into the stain on her shirt issue. Or that bag thing. Or the shorts.

Brandon Davis Gets A Job

The artist over at gallery of the absurd did a brilliant homage to the girls of The Simple Life. We love the wonky eye and giant feet on Paris, and Brandon "Greasy Bear" Davis is perfect. In Paris news, she just got her lawyer to go after MTV, resulting in the pulling of an episode of a new show that she appeared in. Paris did a skit that was her selling "What would Paris do?" bracelets ala infomercial. Then they showed a Hilton-like girl being pulled over by the police and asking, "What would Paris do?" She used the policeman as a pole for her skanky dance. Yeah, Paris probably would do that, but she's upset because she's in all this trouble with the police for her driving arrests. Drama. Oh, and Nicole Richie is still dating Joel Madden from Good Charlotte, and she's still fainting a lot at work on the "reality" show. We forgot the excuse she's been giving. Must have been compelling.

Breaking Up With Bobby Brown

Whitney Houston was granted her divorce from Bobby Brown today and given full custody of daughter, Bobbi Kristina. If all goes well, the divorce will be final on April 24th. Whit Whit said of Brown's parenting skills, "If he says he's going to come, sometimes he does. Usually he doesn't." Today was apparently not one of those sometimes as Bobby didn't bother to show up in the Los Angeles court for the proceeding. Whitney left in tears and did not answer questions from reporters. An attorney for Bobby said that they will appeal the judge's decision. The guy doesn't have a place to live, is in and out of jail, doesn't pay child support on the other 27 kids he has, is an alcoholic drug abuser without a job...but he thinks he should have custody. Fun stuff.

I'm Single, Y'All

Star magazine is reporting that the details of Brit and Kevin's divorce settlement are a lot more interesting than anyone thought. Apparently Brit was under the impression that there was a chance of the marriage working out and asked him, "Do you really want to do this?" when they met to finalize the divorce. Kevin was really supportive of her while she was in rehab because he wanted her to get help, but had no plans of actually getting back together with her. When the two stepped out to smoke cigarettes during the negotiation Brit told him, "You're the biggest mistake I've ever made, but thank you for my babies." (Speaking of mistakes, Kim Kardashian apparently saw Brit have sex with a random guy in the bathroom of a club while Brit was all coked up.) Brit and Kevin will split custody 50/50 and Brit will pay $25,000 a month in child support to Kevin for each son. He will reportedly also receive half the proceeds of the house they shared which is on the market for $13.5 million, and he can keep all the gifts she gave him during the relationship. The agreement is specific that K-Fed can not write a book about their marriage, which is a relief because we're pretty sure her fans could not take anymore disappointment. They've been through enough.

Suddenly It's Spring

The love affair between Jessica Simpson and John Mayer is in overdrive with Jessica touring all over the world with him. The couple is now in Australia where John is performing and we can't think of anything snarky to say because they're really cute together. Actually, we hate the Louis Vuitton, but props to Jess for supporting, even in this unfortunate season. Thankfully Marc Jacobs is in rehab and will never again consider designing the $42,000 bag below. That shit is straight up crazy.

The Royal Sanjaya Family

Sanjaya Malakar made it through another week on Idol and Gina Glocksen was sent packing. Sanjaya's father attended Tuesday's and tonight's shows for the first time all season, while his sister has become an internet star after being cut from Hollywood week. Her enthusiastic cheering for her brother (and her large, bouncing chest) is one of YouTube's most viewed clips. Hopefully the below photo is as racy as it will get with her. We certainly don't need another Antonella situation.